should i put up with in-laws dog 5-6 days at a time

[Theo1756]

Dear people of Mumsnet, please help settle an argument between myself and partner.
My partner does not have a large family, and those that my partner does have live the other side of the country. As a result we see them typically 2-3 times a year. This year has been reduced for obvious reasons. When they come to stay, it is typically 5-6 days. They always bring their dog with them. This dog is very energetic, badly behaved and not at all trained. They could leave with either of their adult children. However, one (that lives at home) has a few MH issues and refuses to walk the dog. The other has his own young family and already has a dog. Therefore the dog always comes. I hate dogs with a passion - nothing personal against this dog in particular - and our toddler daughter is particularly scared of dogs (this is probably my fault). The cat is also not keen. My partner doesn't mind dogs but isn't particularly endeared to this one. Normally we try to time visits for the summer. My partners family bring their large camper van and put it on the driveway. The dog can therefore stay in the camper van and in our back garden. However, for Christmas. my partner has asked if we can put a stairgate up between utility room and kitchen so the dog can stay there rather than out in the camper van (which will be cold). I have agreed to do this but think it's unreasonable for family to bring their dog to our home for 5-6 days at a time and expect us to have it in our home when they know how much I hate dogs.

Please can you vote:

YABU - it's only once or twice a year - get over yourself and let the dog in
YANBU -it's not my problem if they want to bring their dog to stay. Get it trained, find a kennel or leave the dog with family.

Is there a reason you cant go visit them? The only real alternative is that as well as spending all the time and money being the ones to travel that they also go to the expense and time of boarding their dog.

I think you are being a little unreasonable. They are asking for use of your utility room, not to gave it bounding around the house and joining you at the dining table.

I don't think you are being unreasonable if the dog is not actually used to being seperated from people like this and is likely to jump the gate, bark etc, this could be bloody annoying.

I wouldn't let them bring the dog, but then no one brings dogs to my house as some of my own dogs are not dog friendly with strange dogs.

If you are letting them I would ask they put some effort into training their dog to relax quietly on the other side of a gate and not jump it, bark, jump on folk etc etc. It is just manners to train your dog to be polite in company, if you can't be bothered, don't take your dog places!

Why not go visit them? You could stay in a hotel or air bnb? Save them the journey

YANBU - bit do try the stairgate idea. Your DH will want to be able to say "We tried, it didn't work!"

I have a dog... it's my responsibilty. I wouldn't take it to someone elses house for a week no matter how welcoming they were - I'd barely think a day was reasonable!

Why can’t they put the dog in kennels? It’s terribly rude to bring your badly trained dog to someone else’s home at all, let alone for nearly a week.

Dog owner here. (Precious pooch) Still think in your house, your rules and perfectly fine to say that it’s a no dog zone due to cat n toddler.
The dog can be kennelled or housesat.

Also if the dog isn’t used to being separated you are probably looking at a whining barking howling nightmare over Xmas.
My dog is pretty good if she’s with me but otherwise ferrggeddit

I think yabu.

But, I am a dog owner and wouldn't leave mine in kennels. Ever.

What alternatives are there?

YANBU. I wouldn't have a dog in my house full stop. If I also had a child who was scared I wouldn't even want it in the garden. Child could be on edge worrying that they might bring it inside.

YANBU.

It's not right to bring an animal to a house where it's not welcome. They got the dog - they can work out an alternative.

Do your inlaws actually know how you feel OP?

The dog is not welcome. The cat will give the dog grief. Not fair on the dog or the cat. Enough reasons never mind how you feel.

How many times has the dog come to stay in the past?

It's tricky to back track on an arrangement which has had the go ahead in the past.

You're still NBU to make a change though OP. Don't blame it all on the toddler and the cat though. Stick to your own guns and say you don't like the dog and don't want it in your house.

My dog is like my youngest dc.
But
I would not impose her on anyone who didn't want a dog in their home.
Your ils should sort their dog out. There are plenty of people who run home from home businesses for dogs. They don't have to be in a kennel.

It’s one day, it’s Christmas and you don’t see them often. It’s not like they want to put the dog on your sofa it’s one room. It’s a good compromise. It wouldn’t be fair to leave the dog in the cold. I wouldn’t put a dog in kennels so I understand why they don’t want to.

I think you can tell them not to bring the dog but be prepared for them not be able to come then and not be put out if that’s their choice. It’s a case of whether you can put up with it enough for your DH to be able to see his family.

Unfortunately for yourself and DC, dogs are a part of life more huge numbers of people and that’s unlikely to change. It’s hard to get care for a dog over Xmas.

If the dog can be confined to part of the house and will settle there and not bark and whine incessantly, that's reasonable for maybe 4 days. Otherwise 5-6 days is too long, if the dog is a nuisance and they don't have anyone to look after it, they should come for a shorter visit 2 days,

You had me at 'They always bring their dog'.

I would not want someone's dog in my house. I love dogs but don't want them in my home.

YANBU. They need to put him in a kennel if they want to visit.

It's not one day. (without speaking for OP i imagine that would be ok) It's 5-6 days 3 times year.

I think you really don't take dogs to a house with cats and no dogs.
You can-to a certain extent - teach a child to not be scared of dogs, but you really can't explain it to a cat. Who will just feel like a predator has come into their home.

Fuck no.

That's why kennels exist isn't it.

YANBU. I wouldn’t be having the animals in my house; they’re the ones that bought them, they’re the ones that have to sort them out and deal with the consequences that they can’t just take them wherever they want.

No way. They are responsible for making appropriate accommodations for their unruly dog.

YANBU.
The dog can stay at home with the adult child that lives there and the other adult child can pop around and walk it.

@chestnutshell

I think you can tell them not to bring the dog but be prepared for them not be able to come then and not be put out if that’s their choice. It’s a case of whether you can put up with it enough for your DH to be able to see his family.

Unfortunately for yourself and DC, dogs are a part of life more huge numbers of people and that’s unlikely to change. It’s hard to get care for a dog over Xmas.

You do realize that kennels exist for this very reason. It takes a little bit of research (internet & calling up your friends and family) make the appointment, drop the dog off and pay the fee