should i put up with in-laws dog 5-6 days at a time

[Theo1756]

Dear people of Mumsnet, please help settle an argument between myself and partner.
My partner does not have a large family, and those that my partner does have live the other side of the country. As a result we see them typically 2-3 times a year. This year has been reduced for obvious reasons. When they come to stay, it is typically 5-6 days. They always bring their dog with them. This dog is very energetic, badly behaved and not at all trained. They could leave with either of their adult children. However, one (that lives at home) has a few MH issues and refuses to walk the dog. The other has his own young family and already has a dog. Therefore the dog always comes. I hate dogs with a passion - nothing personal against this dog in particular - and our toddler daughter is particularly scared of dogs (this is probably my fault). The cat is also not keen. My partner doesn't mind dogs but isn't particularly endeared to this one. Normally we try to time visits for the summer. My partners family bring their large camper van and put it on the driveway. The dog can therefore stay in the camper van and in our back garden. However, for Christmas. my partner has asked if we can put a stairgate up between utility room and kitchen so the dog can stay there rather than out in the camper van (which will be cold). I have agreed to do this but think it's unreasonable for family to bring their dog to our home for 5-6 days at a time and expect us to have it in our home when they know how much I hate dogs.

Please can you vote:

YABU - it's only once or twice a year - get over yourself and let the dog in
YANBU -it's not my problem if they want to bring their dog to stay. Get it trained, find a kennel or leave the dog with family.

On the basis that you have a cat, that alone would make me say no. I wouldn’t let a dog into my house because my cat would get stressed and scared. Their pet being a dog does not trump your pet needs and they need to find another solution.

@Leaannb I do of course realise that. However some don’t take over Xmas and some dogs don’t do well in kennels. I wouldn’t leave my dog in a kennel personally so would have to decline the invitation. We have somebody who home boards our dogs but I wouldn’t expect them to do that over Christmas. I wouldn’t be offended that they didn’t want to accommodate the dogs but I would have to decline so it depends on how much the OP and he DH want to see the family.

The dog could stay at home and they could find a dog walker to cover walking it. Dog-walking seems to be booming business, and even if you can't find a local business, there might well be a local teenager/student who would appreciate earning a bit of money.

Apart from your own feelings about this or any other dog, it's really unfair on your cat for whom you have responsibility. There are kennels and dog walkers, if the young people of the family can not/will not help.

Be bold and put your foot down. The more years this goes on the harder it will be to end the arrangement.

Wouldn’t leave my dog in a kennel. If you think the camper van is chilly, the kennel will be like ice.
You’ve agreed now, so I’d do it this time. Give them plenty of notice next time, maybe they’ll choose not to stay with you.

You can't just put a dog in kennels if it hasn't been used to going there since it was a puppy. Doing this to an adult dog is cruel.
Leaving it in a camper van is a bit tight when it could be in the house behind a gate.
If they are only coming for a one time visit in the year be kind.

@pussycatinboots

YANBU. The dog can stay at home with the adult child that lives there and the other adult child can pop around and walk it.

Absolutely this.

And bollocks to the be kind shite. Be kind to your cat, OP!

I would never have someone else's dog in my house, even for an hour. Completely unreasonable thing to expect. Not scared of dogs but don't want the smell and hair. People generally expect to make other arrangements for their dogs in my experience - it's odd that they expect to be able to bring it!

I thought we were only allowed to visit for 5 days.

YANBU

I have 3 dogs and in this circumstance, I would put them in kennels. I have even done this in situations where I was having guests who were scared of dogs.

Dogs leave hair over the floor and furniture. I find that dog owners also tend to take over the kitchen and make a mess of the floor with bowls of food and water everywhere for toddler to crawl in and the rest of us to trip over. Fridge gets bunged up with foul-smelling offal. I've been expected to get off my own sofa in the past so a dog can sit on it.

So not a fan of dogs in the house here (though I don't mind them in general). There's only three dogs I'll have in the house now and they belong to close family, are very sedate (and in one case, obese) and their owners are considerate. I still find myself cleaning up dog hair for days afterwards, though. So you have my sympathies .

I've boarded my dog to visit, and I've taken my dog to an unsuitable home to visit. And I've decided that neither are suitable so if people want to see us they can visit us. It costs 20quid a night to board my dog with someone I trust. And then hours of travel. Small fortune in fuel. Then being uncomfortable in someone elses house.
Nah, its easy to get a neighbour to feed your cat.
You should at least be taking it in turns to visit each other.

I suspect you've made a rod for your own back in allowing the dog to stay before.
If you have a cat, the house is it's territory - I would never dream of forcing my dog into a house that had a cat in it as it would be stressed out. It's quite rude of your in laws and also if you don't like dogs and your daughter is scared then it's unfair that they have not already made arrangements to have the dog stay elsewhere in the past!
But, you have set precedent by letting the dog in before, so the only solution I can think of is a white lie where you say the cats vet has recommended that it isn't caused any undue stress due to a *previously researched medical condition.

Leaannb You do realize that kennels exist for this very reason. It takes a little bit of research (internet & calling up your friends and family) make the appointment, drop the dog off and pay the fee

It takes a bit more than that though, going to visit the kennels, checking out that they are actually reputable, the £15 to £25 a day cost of kennelling, oh and booking probably 6 months in advance at LEAST for major holidays (and many don't do over Christmas).

Not that easy even if you are reasonably sure your dog will be fine in kennels.

I've been round a fair few boarding kennels as part of my job, I have yet to see one I'd stick any of my dogs in :( Admittedly, these are kennels housing seized dogs, dogs being held prior to court cases as well as normal boarders and they will be the cheaper end of the market.)