AIBU to stop buying present for an 'adult' child?

[RainbowLily1]

I have always bought a birthday/christmas gift for my nephew, but he is now aged 22 and in full time employment. Whilst I don't begrudge buying him a gift at all, we never communicate during the year, he doesn't participate in the family group text chat and he doesn't usually acknowledge the gift even with a quick thank you text. My brother has just texted me to pass on a gift suggestion from my nephew of what he'd like for me for this Christmas and I must admit to feeling a little scratchy that he communicates only when he wants something. Should I just buy as usual and not rock the boat? I don't want to cause upset and can afford a gift but we have stopped buying for adult employed children on the other side of the family. I wouldn't know how to word it nicely so any suggestions would be gratefully received!

People are so grabby

@RainbowLily1

Thank you so much, I did text my brother and said I needed clarification now that he’s in the adults club so I’m waiting to see what he says!

Bit of a cop out OP....why not just say given he's now 22 and an adult that you don't intend to buy gifts?

(This is probably the third thread in as many days about gift buying where the outcome has been an anti climax and the poster has skirted around the issue when responding to the cheeky family member)

Fair point. My brother and sister in law are very fragile after an extremely traumatic bereavement so I have to tread carefully but I know that shouldn’t be a carte Blanche for family behaviour not to be challenged.

No need to apologise OP, you know your family best. Posters saying it’s an anti climax are perhaps forgetting that mumsnet is for real people, not fiction written to entertain them...

Maybe tell him this will be the last year.
Or just tell him nah sorry gonna give it a pass i feel like he is an independent adult now .
If your db is angry about it then also explain the whole "nephew never even said thank you" kinda thing

We stop at 21 as at 18 they are often students or just starting out at work/moving out. It is a sensible rule, along with an agreement around price of gifts that are bought c.£15 in our case.

Our family - 2 siblings with total 4 adult kids - stopped buying at 21..... except they didn’t tell me so for 8 years or so I’ve been buying their grown up kids presents. They only told each other. My kids are younger (teens) so I’m sure they will stop buying for mine soon.

Bit annoying as I used to get small gifts for their kids when they were younger whenever we saw them - magazines, smarties, pens etc - which was often, and they never reciprocated. I also babysat their kids... never reciprocated. Love families!!!

Fair play to you that you've kept it going up to age 22! We stop at 18 in our family - still do cards & send messages etc. & sometimes random little gifts for other reasons, but nothing that's 'expected'.

That smacks of raging CF to me - sending you a gift request from his 'Christmas List' like a little kid when he's a full grown adult with a job?? And actually it's even worse because he's not even communicating with you himself- his parents are doing it for him!! Pathetic & so rude!! And never a thank you?? Nope. No chance I'd be getting him anything!!

@NewLockdownNewMe

No need to apologise OP, you know your family best. Posters saying it’s an anti climax are perhaps forgetting that mumsnet is for real people, not fiction written to entertain them...

OP - posts on public forum for advice on how to deal with an issue

MN - 99% of responders say to be assertive, stand up for yourself, say no

OP - isn't assertive, doesn't stand up for herself, doesn't say no? 🤷‍♀️

So you can see why it can be frustrating? It's not about entertainment.

@picklemewalnuts

When I stopped buying for my adult nephews and nieces, she stopped buying for mine who were 16 and 12. Her eldest was about ten years older than mine, so it felt a bit hard!

This has happened to my youngest. All other nieces and nephews are in 20's and 30's and got presents until they left uni. My DD who is the youngest in the family stopped getting presents from about 13, I really feel for her. It's made me feel bad against my brothers for being thoughtless.