AIBU to stop buying present for an 'adult' child?

[RainbowLily1]

I have always bought a birthday/christmas gift for my nephew, but he is now aged 22 and in full time employment. Whilst I don't begrudge buying him a gift at all, we never communicate during the year, he doesn't participate in the family group text chat and he doesn't usually acknowledge the gift even with a quick thank you text. My brother has just texted me to pass on a gift suggestion from my nephew of what he'd like for me for this Christmas and I must admit to feeling a little scratchy that he communicates only when he wants something. Should I just buy as usual and not rock the boat? I don't want to cause upset and can afford a gift but we have stopped buying for adult employed children on the other side of the family. I wouldn't know how to word it nicely so any suggestions would be gratefully received!

This might be a nice book for him:
www.ebay.co.uk/i/154056018970?chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&itemid=154056018970&targetid=1024725004754&device=m&mktype=pla&googleloc=9045918&poi=&campaignid=10204056441&mkgroupid=107296324212&rlsatarget=pla-1024725004754&abcId=1145987&merchantid=9718674&gclid=Cj0KCQiA5bz-BRD-ARIsABjT4njm9hXZXcDAwJnJ5vKNj4yOY__OUxLJqDI1lAJ8Iw4ZPB96GkIHsVMaAlQvEALw_wcB

Oh gosh yes, stop. I have had to speak (nicely!) to my Auntie this year and say 'let's stop' because her giving me presents as she always did from childhood has progressed over the years to her putting £25 in a card for me and £10 for DH and me desperately trying to find something for her and my uncle that I think they'd like, having no clue and probably getting it wrong!

I am 36!!!

I have two very young children that she buys for too, so I've just said please don't 'buy' for DH and I, just the children, and I will get her and my uncle a token something from my children (likely a small hamper of nice bits like posh biscuits etc).

The rest of our family bat her and my mum has stuck to buying for adults only for years so no idea why this has gone on for so long. My mum has been giving my cousins £25 each in a card for years (cousins are 36 and 38) and my aunt has been doing the same for my sibling and I (he is 34!). It's like we're still 'the kids' despite the fact that we have four under fives between us.

Stop the madness now

This is the ideal time to stop. If you keep buying whilst he is 23, 24 etc it will never stop!

Ha, brilliant book choice!

I think that is harsh for your kids, walnuts and don't agree with your sister's stance on that

I would not mention the non-acknowledgement of the gift. These seems to be quite common nowadays.

I would text back and say, ‘sorry, thought we have told you that we don’t buy gifts after 21’ This is a good break off point, otherwise you will still be buying when he is middle aged.

That book idea made me laugh out loud, I scared the cat!

I agree it is time to make a stand now. Wish me luck!

I love the sound of your auntie, codename. I'd like to adopt her!!

I've got lots of cousins. The agreement was made in our family between all the aunts and uncles that presents stopped at 18. So much easier. And cheaper.

One of my Aunts that I'm very close to continues to buy for me but I also buy for her and get her flowers etc during the year. If your nephew cannot be bothered to thank you I would stop. Everything is so expensive he shouldn't expect a gift

Agree with others posters - as a niece myself we were politely told no presents after age 21 unless it's a big birthday like 30th etc. Great aunts and uncles however do buy something small for the great nieces and nephews in the family but it's certainly not expected

I think there is something cringey about expecting gifts for your adult children over the age of 21 and certainly providing a list of things to buy them 😬

I stopped at 18th birthdays for my sister's kids apart from a cheque at 21. Similar to when my sister and I grew up with so no shocks to anyone.

I do not think anyone is ever to old for a gift, regardless of how much
they are earning. However I agree it should be reciprocal and possibly the parents should be pointing that out to your nephew.
I have a large family to buy for and still buy for adult nieces and nephews. For some now that I am not close to it is a token present of a nice bottle of wine. The past couple of years they have all started to buy me something in return, had they not financially I would have eventually had to have a rethink. Christmas is expensive enough.

What is that book? Ebay link doesn't work.

We stopped around 18-21 too, unless having a big family get together, in which case we do £30 secret Santa. Last time, surprisingly, the ungrateful uncommunicative 21 year old was the one who had clearly put the most thought in to the present they brought, it was lovely to see!

I never bought for my nieces and nephews. We all had 3/ 4 children each, so just used whatever money we would have spent on each others children on our own instead

[quote MRex]This might be a nice book for him:
www.ebay.co.uk/i/154056018970?chn=ps&norover=1&mkevt=1&mkrid=710-134428-41853-0&mkcid=2&itemid=154056018970&targetid=1024725004754&device=m&mktype=pla&googleloc=9045918&poi=&campaignid=10204056441&mkgroupid=107296324212&rlsatarget=pla-1024725004754&abcId=1145987&merchantid=9718674&gclid=Cj0KCQiA5bz-BRD-ARIsABjT4njm9hXZXcDAwJnJ5vKNj4yOY__OUxLJqDI1lAJ8Iw4ZPB96GkIHsVMaAlQvEALw_wcB[/quote]
I notice it is listed as unread but may have some shelf wear... maybe the seller listed an unwanted gift, perhaps?

Ooh is there a version for 10yos who don't know how to say a proper thank you for brand new Next coats?

There is one sibling who never buys for us adults and only buys token gifts for the children anymore and I think that's the way to go . I spend far too much time trying to think of things for people

I wonder what are the rules.. Is an aunt/uncle supposed to politely inform 21yo that the presents will stop? Would you expect a parent of 21 yo to approach the aunt/uncle to suggest stopping the presents? Maybe even 21yo themselves should do it?

I think your brother could be upset as he may view it as siblings buying gifts for their respective children. If you don't want to buy for adults, it could possibly be nicer to stop buying for your brother than his child - even though his child is an adult. December is a tad late to instigate a new gift tradition, regardless; I think you'll have to raise it for next year, rather than this year.

My auntie still gets me something (usually a £20) and I'm 30!!
I find it very kind, but completely unnecessary and a little awkward. As I don't want to get in to buying for everyone, or presuming she's giving me something again. I usually give a box of chocolate or a bottle of wine in exchange but honestly I'd rather she stopped.
It's easier for everyone to stop at 21!

Just say 'ah now he's in the adults club and we don't do gifts for eachother do we'.

Maybe just message back say thank you for the suggestion,that's great. Just to let you know this year will be the last year as he is now a working adult and that's when you have cut off with all the other children. X

Thank you so much, I did text my brother and said I needed clarification now that he’s in the adults club so I’m waiting to see what he says!