How to get rid of weird ex?

[jentinquarantino20]

Long story short. I met him in college 20 years ago and got back in touch. Thought it was ok but he started acting weird being overly close to my kids. I’m a single parent obvs so have no bubble as such, thought it would be ok to invite him over during lockdown. I started not wanting him around and he got really nasty.

Then I messaged, ended it and he wanted to be ‘friends’. So I said I suppose, cos I’m a soft touch but I definitely didn’t want him back and made that clear. He started ‘buying’ us making me think I need him as I’ve struggled on my own for 8 years with 2 kids. I fell for it for a bit but then when I opened up about social involvement that I had and was signed off, he started threatening me with them when I attempted to end it. I was decorating and he came round and wiped gloss paint on my new sofa, my daughter told me, luckily i got it off but I messaged saying why would anyone even do that? He didn’t respond apart from saying I can’t do this on text, we need face to face.

I’ve said I’ve ended this 3 times and he isn’t hearing me. I’m scared he will report me to SS as threatened, it won’t come across as malicious cos he has a manager in the family. I don’t trust him or them.

He made the most vile comments about me last time I ended it, I couldn’t possibly go back even if I wanted to. He said I was repulsive. He repulses me himself but I was kind enough not to say it.

Sorry for banging on but how can I get rid of him? He irritated the hell out of me before he sent me an essay of abuse

Contact police and tell them you are being harassed and abused by this man who you asked to leave you alone. Start a record of his behaviour in case it escalates. Keep records of everything and block him on everything. Also make a claires law request in case he behaved like this before, he may be known to the police already. YOu can do this easily online. Dont worry about the ss threat its empty and will just look like more abuse and revenge if he attempts such nonsense.

If the comments were made by text or email, they could constitute an offence under the Malicious Communications Act.

I agree with @WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo that you should report this to the police. He sounds like a seriously unpleasant character.

Further to the above, once you have reported this git to the police, you could proactively contact SS, warning them about a possible malicious report coming their way & that you have also contacted the police regarding harassment.

Why haven't you blocked him?

Have you kept all texts he’s sent? Threatening SS is just that, a threat and even if he did, what do you think they’ll do? Based on what? The most you might get is a phone call. Go to the police, he’s harassing you.

I have the nasty abusive message still. I blocked him on text but forgot about Facebook as we never really conversed by that since so that’s how he got back in.

He said he wants face to face as he doesn’t like talking online. Yeah I bet. It’s evidence against him. Thanks for the replies I really appreciate it

Don't even consider seeing him in person. Report him to the police and block him completely.

@WellIWasInTheNeighbourhoo

Contact police and tell them you are being harassed and abused by this man who you asked to leave you alone. Start a record of his behaviour in case it escalates. Keep records of everything and block him on everything. Also make a claires law request in case he behaved like this before, he may be known to the police already. YOu can do this easily online. Dont worry about the ss threat its empty and will just look like more abuse and revenge if he attempts such nonsense.

This. Sorry you are going through this.

The first thing police usually say (England) is that you need to send them a formal, final message saying to never contact you again, that you are speaking to the police and consider anything after this to be harassment. Block him across the board and take screenshots of everything he has said. Speak to the police, provide them the screenshots and ask them to record this in case it escalates further.

My opinion is that you should follow up PP on police/harassment. I find the fact he came into your home and did intentional damage chilling.

I agree you should not interact in person but only in writing, if at all. His messages do not need to be answered.

Is there an association you can contact for support? My DM was a lone parent and there was a great lone parent association in our town. They were a life saver.

Do not see him in person, or be in any way forgiving—you need to be really clear cut that there is no interest in ever hearing from him again, that he cannot contact him. Not because you’re worried about him getting the wrong message, but because this being as black and white as possible helps you with the police. They are way more helpful when you’re in a really clear cut situation.

It’s really simple to be fair, you are making it complicated by continuing to communicate, which I get because as females we are trained in the softly softly approach!

1 - block on all forms of communication and if he tries to re-engage ignore and block that too. NEVER reply.

2 - contact SS proactively and tell them you’ve had a man harrasing you, you’ve blocked all communication as you now have good boundaries (this is important so they see you are taking control), but he may come in as a malicious complaint through anger at being cut off.

3 - if he turns up physically at your door call the police

Keep the messages block him on everything. If he comes to your door call the police. If he reports to SS show them the nasty messages they will be able to see that the claims are not true.

As I was decorating he left his ladders at mine so I said when you are about, message me and I will meet you at the door. I’ve never particularly been caring or intimate towards him so I am worried about how hard it is to get rid and the sofa thing was the final nail in the coffin. My daughter is almost 9, she isn’t stupid and has said she doesn’t want him around. The paint on the chair thing just doesn’t make sense at all. Luckily I had white spirit and instant pot got rid but he didn’t react to it being there.

I’ve also had a massive sorry message and also explaining how he knows how happy and loved my kids are. I just want his crap out of my house then I can move on properly.

You block him from everything and ring the police and report him for harassment and damage to property. Refuse to see him again.

The sorry message was for his abuse towards me, not the massive man hand print he left on my new chair. He said I look like a fat pig in mud when I’m asleep and I repulse him and I’m a crap mum but still won’t leave me alone

I just want his crap out of my house then I can move on properly.

You can leave his things outside for him to collect. You don't have to store them for him to pick up at his convenience.

Keep all messages as possible evidence.
When arranging return of his ladders. Say they will be outside your house at X time on X day and if not collected will be sent away with the bin lorry.
It beggars belief that these types think they will ever be looked on favourably after carrying on like this.
A psych assessment would not go amiss on him.

@jentinquarantino20

The sorry message was for his abuse towards me, not the massive man hand print he left on my new chair. He said I look like a fat pig in mud when I’m asleep and I repulse him and I’m a crap mum but still won’t leave me alone

Wow, he sounds an absolute charmer...and I'm sure he's like Brad Pitt.

Could you maybe send a message stating that you have asked him to collect his belongings from your house numerous times, but if they are not collected by xxx date and time, they will be placed on the front garden, for which you'll take no responsibility for their safety once they are out there however if they then aren't removed by 72hrs later, they will be disposed of. What do you think?

He sounds like an absolute loon tbh. And getting close to the kids and the fact your daughter doesn't want him back, would ring alarm bells to me So listen to your daughter and your gut instinct!!

You’re focusing on the paint thing (wanker) not on the issue.

Send him a message saying his ladder is outside get it before it’s nicked (or better still have a male friend have it outside theirs so he doesn’t need to come to you).

Then stop engaging!

Discuss this harassment and his threats with local police and be sure to mention that his main interest clearly isn't you, its getting close to your children. Supply his name, address, date of birth, any info you have.

Here's betting he has a past history of grooming single mothers to get access to their children.

He doesn’t have children of his own but his ‘step children’ are apparently better than my babies. It did cross my mind when he said this. Swooping in on single mums

Stop engaging with him, stop accommodating him. Speak to the police about being safe if you want to give his stuff back. Or get someone else to do it while you’re out so he can’t speak to you. Have a look at the freedom programme.

I do struggle getting help but I’ve messaged him saying someone will have to bring them for me as he’s not answering me. Hope I can get someone. Don’t want that freak around again