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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To keep DD off school

51 replies

santab · 08/12/2020 09:59

So I got to the school gate this morning to be told that someone in DD1's class has Covid and that she has to self isolate for 2 weeks- which is fine. However I also have DD2 who goes to the same school and who's class is not in isolation.

Problem is, DD1 has SEN, recognised by school has 1:1c EHCP etc. She can't be left at home whilst I take DD2. I don't have a car, so we have no choice but to use public transport to get to school and back, and it's an hour one way. I can't take DD1 on public transport as she has obviously has to self isolate.

The school however, don't seem to understand. They said about her dad- we are separated and he said he can't do the school run. His furlough literally ends today and he doesn't want to lose his job- which I understand and he has been great doing school runs for me every day whilst he has been off on furlough. I have said I'm happy to do school work at home, not a problem but they are marking DD2's absence as unauthorised and keep calling me. I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:

newnewnewbuild · 08/12/2020 10:05

That's crazy, what do they expect you to do!

A family member was in the same situation - their DD (age 5) was told to self isolate for the same reason as you which meant their DS (age 4) couldnt get to school because she is a single mum, doesnt drive, can't take her DD out of the house, but obviously can't leave a 5 year old at home alone while she takes the 4 year old to school.

She relayed this to the school and luckily they were really understanding and even dropped food off at their house every day so the kids didnt miss out on the free school meals!

Maybe send them an email so it's in writing and outline the reasons why you can't get them to school due to isolating. Ask them to send you the work so no one is missing out.

That way you have it in writing that you're doing what you can and are wanting to do the work but not making it seem like you're open to the suggestion of DD2 attending under the circumstances?

kittenpeak · 08/12/2020 10:07

I'm so sorry, what a conundrum.

The problem with Mumsnet is that there are so many different types of people therefore with different opinions. Always go with your gut. I haven't been in this situation but imagine it just have happened before so hsospefilly someone can come along and tell you what they did.

Ask your school what proposed solution they came up with in this scenario. All scenarios would needed to have been thought of and they would have had to come up with an idea before their bubble / covid policy was published. you cannot be the only parent who has or will face this. You cannot break the law by taking your 2nd child to school. What do they suggest you do? Also, what are the actually outcomes of them marking your 2nd as unauthorised absence? You would easily be able to challenge any fines. Are they refusing to give school work? I would speak to the local authority if that's the case.

Sorry I can't help but couldn't just walk on having seen this conundrum!

Welcometonowhere · 08/12/2020 10:09

You’ll probably get a lot of posts telling you YABU but I don’t think you are, I’m not sure what else you’re supposed to do.

NightOwl19 · 08/12/2020 10:11

This happened at my DCs school to one of the mums who had 2 children in different years and the schools solution was just to bring the child who should be isolating on the school run with her twice a day!

kittenpeak · 08/12/2020 10:25

There might be a rule to say that "self isolating" still counts if you are remain in a car with someone else from your household (so your 1st child can come on the school run with you) but I'm looking on gov.uk now and it's not mentioned.

This sort of thing makes me so angry - everything is so ill thought through. Ask your MP what the answer is

GreyishDays · 08/12/2020 10:28

@kittenpeak

This sort of thing makes me so angry - everything is so ill thought through. Ask your MP what the answer is

The OP uses public transport.

AmyandPhilipfan · 08/12/2020 10:30

I think if the school kept ringing I would be insisting that they either accept both girls will be off for two weeks or they have to come up with a solution that works for you. What exactly do they expect you to do? Your daughter’s dad can’t take her as he has to go to work. You can’t take her as your other daughter has to isolate and can’t go on public transport or stay home alone. So what other options are there? Are they willing to send someone to pick her up and take her home? Are they willing to pay for a babysitter to stay with your other daughter while you do the school run? I doubt it so I really think they’ll have to accept she won’t be attending school.

D4rwin · 08/12/2020 10:31

Let them put it as unauthorised. Ask for confirmation in writing. Send it all off to the LEA, with the simple explanation that there is no solution without breaching guidelines over self isolation. They'll never float a fine on this and it's the school being obstructive not providing learning.

LadyCatStark · 08/12/2020 10:32

Ring them tomorrow and tell them your DD2 has developed a cough, job done.

halcyondays · 08/12/2020 10:35

Yanbu. If they want to put it as unauthorised, let them.

nonicknameseemsavailable · 08/12/2020 10:37

sorry but the school are being ridiculous. They should be working with you not against you on this.

How old is the child who SHOULD be at school?

I would send an email saying it can't be done, child will be at home and needs work providing (or lie and say someone has a cough and child needs to isolate) less than 2 weeks to the holidays.

CottonSock · 08/12/2020 10:39

Do whatever is easiest for you.

LuckyNumberThirteen · 08/12/2020 10:46

Lie.

Say she's been in direct contact with someone positive and needs to isolate.

ShinyGreenElephant · 08/12/2020 10:47

Put it in an email, outline your reasons and tell them they are welcome to collect her in the morning and return her after school. They're being ridiculous

MessAllOver · 08/12/2020 10:51

Ring them tomorrow and tell them your DD2 has developed a cough, job done.

This would seem like the simplest solution. What a shitty situation for you.

AndcalloffChristmas · 08/12/2020 10:52

I can’t see what you can possibly do!

I would probably just put it on the line to them and say “this is impossible”.

However I would understand why others would lie.

Beautiful3 · 08/12/2020 11:09

You're doing the right thing. Ignore school and carry on.

GreyishDays · 08/12/2020 11:11

@MessAllOver

Ring them tomorrow and tell them your DD2 has developed a cough, job done.

This would seem like the simplest solution. What a shitty situation for you.

That only works until ‘test results’ come back.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2020 11:12

@MessAllOver

Ring them tomorrow and tell them your DD2 has developed a cough, job done.

This would seem like the simplest solution. What a shitty situation for you.

Will they not then expect a test or pop that bubble too?

FlamingoQueen · 08/12/2020 11:16

I would say to the school that you are unable to get DD2 into school due to the use of public transport whilst isolating. Even if DD1 didn’t have an EHCP, you would still be unable to get the other child to school. Ask school why they cannot put her as a code ‘X’ on the register. If they cannot give you an answer, email school (ie put it in writing) and ask them to double check with their EWO (Education Welfare Officer).
To take your DD2 to school you would have to break COVID guidelines which is insane.

Original poster

santab · 08/12/2020 11:27

Thanks everyone!
Sorry for not replying straight away. My DD2 who should be in school is 5- so obviously too young to go by herself, I probably should have said that!
The headteacher rang me earlier and I just said that unless the school can arrange transport there is nothing I can do and to stop ringing me regarding the absence. It's stressful enough with the children home completing school work and working from home myself. There attendance was 97% before this as DD2 had to have a test back in October after developing a temperature and apart from that they've had no time off. They are going to report it as unauthorised but to be honest I can't worry about it anymore- the situation is stressful enough.

OP posts:

SnuggyBuggy · 08/12/2020 11:33

It's not like she's going to have to declare her unauthorised absence level to employers when she's older. You're doing the best you can and the schools attendance figures aren't your burden to bear.

MessAllOver · 08/12/2020 12:04

What did the school suggest you do?

nonicknameseemsavailable · 08/12/2020 12:04

ok well at 5 it is even more ridiculous. Just keep her off, tell the school in writing that it isn't possible and you are following the law by keeping your elder child in the house. Pretty sure if you told the council directly they would back you up anyway.

mooncakes · 08/12/2020 12:11

Put it in an email so you have it in writing.
“Dear Headteacher, as discussed earlier on the phone due to dd1 self isolating I cannot leave her alone at home, or take her on public transport to get dd2 to school. I have no other options to get dd2 to school.
Could you confirm whether or not the school can provide transport for dd2?
If not, does the school have any other suggestions for getting dd2 to school?
Obviously dd2s school attendance is a priority for me so I look forward to working with the school to resolve this problem”

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