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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To keep DD off school

51 replies

santab · 08/12/2020 09:59

So I got to the school gate this morning to be told that someone in DD1's class has Covid and that she has to self isolate for 2 weeks- which is fine. However I also have DD2 who goes to the same school and who's class is not in isolation.

Problem is, DD1 has SEN, recognised by school has 1:1c EHCP etc. She can't be left at home whilst I take DD2. I don't have a car, so we have no choice but to use public transport to get to school and back, and it's an hour one way. I can't take DD1 on public transport as she has obviously has to self isolate.

The school however, don't seem to understand. They said about her dad- we are separated and he said he can't do the school run. His furlough literally ends today and he doesn't want to lose his job- which I understand and he has been great doing school runs for me every day whilst he has been off on furlough. I have said I'm happy to do school work at home, not a problem but they are marking DD2's absence as unauthorised and keep calling me. I'm not sure what to do.

OP posts:
TeenPlusTwenties · 08/12/2020 12:18

Although it seems there are no solutions for you, what would you do in normal times if one of you children was ill? You can't usually keep a child off school just because a sibling is ill.

So if this is a COVID situation (eg normally a friend would mind the ill DC whilst you got the other to school) YANBU.
If this is a generic situation then you need to find a solution longer term.
(Why are your primary aged children travelling an hour each way to school?)

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2020 12:35

@mooncakes

Put it in an email so you have it in writing. “Dear Headteacher, as discussed earlier on the phone due to dd1 self isolating I cannot leave her alone at home, or take her on public transport to get dd2 to school. I have no other options to get dd2 to school. Could you confirm whether or not the school can provide transport for dd2? If not, does the school have any other suggestions for getting dd2 to school? Obviously dd2s school attendance is a priority for me so I look forward to working with the school to resolve this problem”
Exactly what I was going to say
Simplyunacceptable · 08/12/2020 12:39

Make sure you write it in an email so you have written evidence should this ever be taken further (doubtful but you never know). Make it clear you would love DD2 to still be able to attend school but you cannot leave DD1 home alone while you do the school run, you do not drive so use PT which DD1 obviously can’t go on due to self isolation and you have no family or friends who are able to help. Ask them if they have any solutions and if not, DD2 will have to stay off too. You can’t physically do anything else, many families are being placed in this situation right now.

MessAllOver · 08/12/2020 12:40

what would you do in normal times if one of you children was ill? You can't usually keep a child off school just because a sibling is ill.

I presume what most people do in this situation (and certainly what my parents did) was wrap the ill child up warmly and drag them to school to drop off the other children if there is no one to mind them at home.

liveitwell · 08/12/2020 12:43

Can you borrow your exs car? Get insurance for two weeks?

Can a class mate pick DD2 up? Maybe the school can ask around?

It's a long time to have off unnecessarily. Albeit I understand you have limited options.

Is it not worth you getting a car in the future? An hour's journey each way sounds an awfully long way to go for school and must take so much of your day up.

TeenPlusTwenties · 08/12/2020 13:21

@MessAllOver

what would you do in normal times if one of you children was ill? You can't usually keep a child off school just because a sibling is ill.

I presume what most people do in this situation (and certainly what my parents did) was wrap the ill child up warmly and drag them to school to drop off the other children if there is no one to mind them at home.

It's OK doing that if in the car or a short distance each way, but a 2 hour round trip for a child ill enough to be off school doesn't sound like a reasonable solution to me.
Waveysnail · 08/12/2020 13:23

Schools should be set up for online learning by now. There is no reason both dd cant do their online learning at home.

Original poster
santab · 08/12/2020 13:30

In usual circs my mum would take the non ill child to school. However, she can't at the moment as she is clinically vulnerable and doesn't want to take the risk- which I understand.
The reason why we do an hour commute is because the school has a special sen provision unit within the mainstream school which eldest DD attends and younger DD attends the mainstream. It was the nearest suitable placement and makes sense for them both to be in the same school.
As much as exH is reasonable he isn't going to let me have his car for 2 weeks. He needs it for work etc.

Thanks everyone for all of your replies and help

OP posts:
InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/12/2020 13:30

Why on earth is a five year old going to school an hour away? Do you live in the middle of nowhere?

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/12/2020 13:31

Oh sorry you just answered my question above

SquirtleSquad · 08/12/2020 13:35

Similar happened in one of the primary schools near us, the family got the local authority involved and the school apologised for "harassing" the family and provided a taxi for the sibling.

ChasingRainbows19 · 08/12/2020 13:36

Ask school for a solution or to come and collect her seeing as you can’t leave your daughter alone at home. It would be wholly irresponsible to be taking her on public transport for a couple of hours each day. As your are rightly not doing!

Can you contact the LA education department? School will probably be under pressure to mark unauthorised.
You won’t be the only person in this position!

FrancesHaHa · 08/12/2020 13:36

Something similar happened at our school. The mum emailed the school in the end to ask them to stop calling unless they had a workable solution and kept all the kids at home.

midnightstar66 · 08/12/2020 13:40

I'd just be firm with them if they are continuing to badger you. 'I cannot get her to school, their df is working and cannot do this, I don't know how else to be more clear - he would do so if he could. Do you have any other suggestions that are in line with current guidelines as obviously you are aware leaving dd1 alone in the home is not an option'

I suppose they might suggest a taxi

TeenPlusTwenties · 08/12/2020 13:44

Given this is COVID related, YANBU.

When your elder DD moves schools, you may wish to try to get the younger in somewhere closer though.

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 08/12/2020 13:45

And anyway as others have said, at 5 this whole conversation is ridiculous. What's she going to be missing, cutting and sticking and listening to stories? Grin. Keep her off and don't worry about it. Tell the head to stop harassing you.

RosePetalss · 08/12/2020 13:47

Don’t stress yourself. You have done as much as you can but your hands are not tied. The school are obviously not able to help either and you have offered to do home schooling with dd2 which they do not want to facilitate.

If they report it to your council and send you a fine I would write back that you were isolating. I very much doubt the council would be able to push further even if they did issue a fine (which I very much doubt they would in the current climate).

Don’t stress have a nice cuppa and ignore the school calls. Brew

midnightstar66 · 08/12/2020 13:47

And anyway as others have said, at 5 this whole conversation is ridiculous. What's she going to be missing, cutting and sticking and listening to stories?

I mean, just so you know, we do a lot more than that with your five year olds at school but I still agree in December and at this age it's one of the better times this could happen.

RosePetalss · 08/12/2020 13:48

*Now tied that should be not tied lol bloody phone.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2020 13:52

@InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream

And anyway as others have said, at 5 this whole conversation is ridiculous. What's she going to be missing, cutting and sticking and listening to stories? Grin. Keep her off and don't worry about it. Tell the head to stop harassing you.
Isn't it the 5yo that's isolating so an older child being kept off.

And DS will be thrilled to know he hasn't got to do any more science, history, maths, phonics, spellings etc for the rest of the term!

Mycircusmymonkey · 08/12/2020 13:57

In this situation I would lie. Tell them that DD1 who has to isolate is now showing symptoms (possible if class mate has it) and therefore DD2 will now also be self isolating.

SleepingStandingUp · 08/12/2020 14:02

@Mycircusmymonkey

In this situation I would lie. Tell them that DD1 who has to isolate is now showing symptoms (possible if class mate has it) and therefore DD2 will now also be self isolating.
Will school then harass her to get original DD tested as it will affect how long everyone in her class isolates if it's been less than a few days off? I know our year 6 got two days added on as someone was positive within a day of the Bubble popping.

I think keeping to the truth is the best answer op in case it happens again or in reverse

ilovepuggies · 08/12/2020 14:03

@D4rwin

Let them put it as unauthorised. Ask for confirmation in writing. Send it all off to the LEA, with the simple explanation that there is no solution without breaching guidelines over self isolation. They'll never float a fine on this and it's the school being obstructive not providing learning.
I was going to say exactly this.

You could even write a letter of complaint about the pressure they are putting on you.

TokyoSushi · 08/12/2020 14:09

Usually between us on MN we can find a way around situations like this, but I don't think there is a solution here, the school should be able to see that. Keep your DD off, any sensible person would be able to see why you've done it.

Original poster
santab · 08/12/2020 16:33

Thanks everyone
I probably could have been clearer, it's my older DD who has sen and is isolating, and 5 year old DD who should be at school. I have emailed the head as others on the thread have suggested and just pushed it to the back of my mind now. Wouldn't be so bad if I'm not trying to home school/work/look after children as well as keep answering the phone and having to explain. Thanks for your support everyone

OP posts:
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