Life coaches- it’s a scam isn’t it?

[TrollTheRespawnJeremy]

I am seeing a LOT of women in their 40s rebranding themselves as life coaches. Is this some kind of MLM thing?
They have an accreditation of some sort but I have no idea what qualifies them really.

Sadly this seems to be an unregulated scam. I trained as an executive coach. It took 2 years to get qualified.
I did business coaching for big companies on contract when my children were small. Now I am back in a leadership role. I may go back to it when I retire, but the area is now awash with untrained people who are probably doing more harm than good.

I think it's one of those things where, for every properly trained and accredited professional who might have something to offer, there are 100 untrained people spouting useless psychobabble.

I know a couple of very good ones. They are more career/business focused. I've never used Relate but imagine it's similar in that the coach isn't there to provide the answers but to help you work through issues/options/blockers etc. These people have degrees, are members of a professional body, complete annual CPD etc.

Another one I know of is a coach for this organisation: oneofmany.co.uk/

I can't work out whether it's MLM or not, I don't think it is but it seems weirdly cultish.

I worked in an office for a while with someone who was retraining to be a life coach. We had to work together on a particular project - she took over, told me my contribution was rubbish and when I confronted her about her attitude, she burst into tears, telling me she only had my best interests at heart!

I'm actually a fan of all things New Age but I couldn't help wondering about this woman's future clients. The trouble (as other posters have said) is that people without enough self-awareness and proper psychological training can do a lot more harm than good.

I know 2. One coaches business people and makes a fortune out of it. The other one is a menopause 'specialist', ie she helps women who feel unconfident post 45. I wouldn't tell either of them anything about myself as they are both gossips! I also know of someone who is a Happiness Coach - again for big business. Dh is very funny about him (he's not a fan).

1. They say you can be anything you want to be/just try and you can do it. Contemptuous denial of the lived experience, the objective reality of people's lives. This can also be said about Positive psychology, positive thinking, mindset theory

God I hate this. I think it puts huge pressure on kids to be permanently fucking happy, when sometimes they are perfectly right to feel sad and cross.

I know some coaches - they're not so much "life coaches" but more corporate-focused.

They have a psychology background and/or have had a long career ending in some kind of burnout before retraining/rebranding.

I've had good and bad experiences and would say, you need to be in the right frame of mind to benefit from a coach. If you are dismissive, you won't get much out of it. I think as well, as with any relationship, you need to not have a total personality clash for it to work out.

I did think about buying some sessions privately from a coach I know who has recently gone it alone (unsurprisingly, the pandemic has not been a good year for coaches!) but my concern is my life will never be fixed, and I don't want to end up in a situation where I'm paying hundreds of pounds to a coach every month for the rest of my life. No one's life is ever perfect, and I don't want to start a service that has no end point.

Instead - and this links back to the comment about professional clutters above - I've resolved to spend some time in the New Year asking myself some hard questions and planning how to improve my life myself. The whole point of a coach is that they can ask the questions you know need to be asked but don't want to, so I'm just going to show myself some tough love.

I already have some ideas swirling around in the back of my mind - I know I'm not a lost cause, I just need to spend some time focussing on me. Deep down, I know I don't need to pay anyone to tell me that.

There are quite a few pyramid schemes/MLM (distinction between PS and MLM very very fine) where the “product” is some sort of programme of lightweight meme based enlightenment, but of course the engine of the scheme is to recruit other coaches.

Then there are the serial MLMers who realise that financial success in MLM really isn’t there for the >99% and if it is possible it’s often very brief and so the best way is to set oneself up as a coach and keep others plugging away at MLM by getting them to believe that the particular program they’ve drummed up, containing bits of NLP and Law of Attraction bollocks, is the path to financial, emotional and social success.

I do know some bona fide coaches who work in the corporate world and do have a credible background and most of them are concerned that saying you’re a coach now raises eyebrows until you can establish your credibility.

I have the same problem with my similarly unprotected title of “therapist”. I slogged away doing an MSc and hundreds of hours of clinical supervision and extra training and my accreditation is dependent every year on a audit of my training, supervision etc etc, yet there are quite a few people in my area who to the general public looking for support, would appear to offer exactly what I do and would appear to be “accredited”. Irritating for me but actually much worse for the vulnerable person who seeks their help. I have also seen a few people over the years who have been “coached” for their depression. They’ve been sold a “positivity” myth and a simplistic way to “happiness” which is not achievable and drives people further into despair. Part of being in a role like a coach, counsellor or psychotherapist is that proper training means you know your limits and understand risk and vulnerability. These coaches/therapists knocking around in network marketing don’t have the individual’s interests at heart and I think that’s dangerous. Especially when so many people tricked into network marketing are already vulnerable.

It does seem a little mlm-ish I also imagine the people using and becoming them are the mlm crew too. Massive scam. I'm sure there are a few genuine ones with valuable career expertise, counselling qualifications and life experience but finding them disguised among the rubble must be an impossible task.

Sounds like they're preying on people with no pals basically.

About 15 years ago I spent some time with a life/work coach, who I identified through professional networks. I have no idea of her qualifications, but she was brilliant. I was in a very bad place professionally after a job had gone wrong, and had totally lost all my confidence. She was very supportive, but also quite tough, and I came out of it with a renewed self-confidence, and got another job very soon afterwards - which I attribute almost entirely to her work. So, I do think there's a place for them, but I'd totally recommend doing research first.

I used to vaguely know a couple of people who did it in a business/professional capacity. I believe they were qualified in some way, but they were definitely legit. They'd occasionally try and use their skill sets to help people generally though- they're can do types so were probably quite helpful!

There's definitely an MLM movement around it at present though. I believe it's an unregulated area so rich pickings for the unscrupulous across many areas- life, business etc. There's a big thread on the site that rhymes with prattle about the downfall of a not quite coach at present.

I also know someone who runs a service called "sort you" after being made redundant. She's not a life coach at all though. She does a range of stuff, from physical and online decluttering to just helping you think through stuff like changing career or starting to confront issues. She never sets herself up as a coach but does encourage people to engage with counselling if needed. She sign posted me towards help when I needed it.

I find the whole life coach role bemusing as her own life is total chaos and panic

Yes, exactly. This is how I feel about the life coaches I know. I don't think there's anything wrong with noticing that someone who wants to set themselves up as something called a "life coach" and take money from people, has a chaotic life. That said, they may be helpful, I don't know, but it doesn't strike me as very convincing.

(Although one of them does have a career she's good at, but doesn't want to do and so has been trying various woo retraining options for years)

There are two types of life coaches as I see it - the business / professional types, normally with psychology background and / or years of experience in business generally. They can and do help you with your professional life and can be transformational in getting people into the next job, the right frame of mind etc etc. Possibly more of a mentor type approach.

Then there are, as the OP phrased it, the mid-40s women, rebranding themselves as "Life Coaches", who don't have the background either academically or professionally to advise someone on such fundamental decisions.

One I would pay to have advice and sessions with. One I would not. As someone else has said, there's not much an ex-MLM'er / hairdresser / min wage worker* could do to help out a 6 figure salary, businessperson looking for their next board role, for example.

(*note - nothing wrong with hairdressers or people who work min wage, just that in this situation the business person probably wouldn't be able to get any useful advice from them).

I’d only want to be coached by someone much more successful than me, like a mentor type. I have an old colleague who does life coaching now and she’s pitched her services to me to share with friends etc...I played nice but in my head I was thinking...you barely hit your targets when we worked together, why would I want career or life advice from you?

Agreed, but the non-professional ones I know, and know of, don't really sell themselves as career coaches. It's a vague "are you at a crossroads in your life" or "work out how you feel about your life and your next steps" so not really career-focused, just anything.

So the first type, who I agree offer a valuable service, should really be called career coaches or similar.

I have a career coach: Brilliant.
I wouldn't trust anyone who claims that they're a life coach though.

I think a coach with a purpose (career, fitness, home improvement...) can be very beneficial but a LIFE coach? There's too much overlap with therapy for me to be confident in any self-proclaimed coach.

I know two that genuinely know what they’re talking about and are very highly niched and both are also qualified counsellors.

One works with people who are feeling lost in their home life and it’s very practical steps at sorting out the home and then seeing what they want to fill the space with once they actually have a livable environment.

The other one works with people who are ‘too busy’ and shows them how and where they can slow down their lives.

Both also charge reasonably and do free sessions so they can identify if they can actually help the person.

But I think coaching in general has become a huge industry. Everyone has been told if they have expertise they can turn it into a side hustle and selling courses and phone calls is a easy way to charge £££ for info that is readily available on the internet.

There are two types of life coaches as I see it - the business / professional types, normally with psychology background and / or years of experience in business generally.

I never class these as a "life coach" as such, a good business/professional mentor is worth their weight.

The fluffy stuff is definitely a con to me.

I'm sure legitimate "life coaches" exist, probably similar what would have been called "careers advisors" in the past. This is a skilled service and can really help people lacking direction, especially career-wise.

However I think what OP is referring to is something I've seen a lot pushed into my social media feeds lately: "Aspirational" photos of these fabulous self-styled coaches, living their best lives on the beach, whilst making wooly claims about "mindset" and "manifesting". Dig a little deeper and they mostly seem to have coaches or "mentors" of their own... So they are being coached to coach people to become coaches to coach other people. Can't get much more pyramid-shaped than that!

I’m a qualified coach and mentor. I’m accredited and have been for about 8 years now.

I use it solely for communication purposes. I don’t take coaching/mentoring clients for money, but I use the skills as they really have helped me in managing teams, and as I moved into senior leadership roles. We have a mentor programme where I work and I’ve had mentees on and off over the past few years.

I’ve also had coaches help me in my career. It’s great to be able to sit in front of a successful business s person and say “I’m struggling with X” and have them work it through with you. I’ve found it invaluable and always encourage my team to look at coaches. I also use some of our training budget every year to make sure this is available for them.

I think MLMs spring up where an industry has already been established. There was no shortage of people buying make-up before Younique, or diet fads before Thrive or Juice Plus. It just means someone has seen what they think is a faster way to market and can convince fools to part with their money for “training”.

I’d highly recommend getting a coach if you’re struggling in your career, but look for someone whose success you’d like to emulate. Not Jane who’s doing a session in between the school run and getting her husband’s dinner on while she tries to hide the boxes of unsold The Body Shop tat behind her.

@HerselfIndoors

Agreed, but the non-professional ones I know, and know of, don't really sell themselves as career coaches. It's a vague "are you at a crossroads in your life" or "work out how you feel about your life and your next steps" so not really career-focused, just anything.

So the first type, who I agree offer a valuable service, should really be called career coaches or similar.

There’s a distinction between the types of coaches I agree. The “life at a crossroads” is a definite thing that MLM people disguised as coaches look for:

“Are you at a crossroads? Are you lacking in confidence? Good. That’s exactly how I want you as your self doubt is perfect for my MLM. Let me now convince you that the only path for you is to take my coaching programme and sign up to sell Aloe Vera.

Your family and friends are not convinced? They’re haters and are either jealous that you’re making changes or they are unimaginative negative people stuck in boring 9-5 [stable] jobs. Cut them off”.

What you can’t sell your Aloe Vera? It must mean you don’t want success enough and you need to work on your mindset and it’s nothing to do with the fact the Aloe Vera product only exists to take the pyramid scheme just the right side of the law and are overpriced rubbish. Perhaps if your mother won’t buy a tonne of Aloe every month and you’re having to be your own best customer perhaps the answer is to see if your friends [can be monitised] would like to join this amazing opportunity as you can mentor them. You can pass them onto me for coaching.

What? You’re still losing money?! Oh Hun, your mindset really is wrong! Pay for my level 2 coaching as it’s what you really need.

What? You’ve lost thousands of pounds and have a garage full of Aloe Vera you’ve been bullied into purchasing so your upline gets her incentive? We’re all a team! Aren’t you a team player?!

What? You’re not going to do this anymore? You’re uncoachable and a faulty human being. The team is going to block you. We can’t have [doubters or awkward questions turning heads] negheads and failures. Your self esteem must be really low. Let me gaslight you before I block you”

My MIL is qualified as a life coach (no idea what training!), but works with teens in care to help prepare for the future and also recovering addicts, prisoners etc to help get their lives back on track. She does have some clients who want to progress their careers, but majority is helping people in unfortunate circumstances.
I do agree though, a lot of "life coaches" saying 'be the best version today for £xxx' is a scam!

There is no qualification to be a life coach.
You can take one of those accredited online courses, but usually ot worth the paper they are written on.
If hey are able to do the job, it's not a scam, was thinking of doing it myself.

@YouokHun I think that there should be more protected titles in the UK. People with actual skills and experience wouldn't feel threatened and it would protect the vulnerable from being fleeced. It's not right that someone can spend a huge amount of time and money getting professional training and yet any chancer can come along and claim to do the same job.