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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - to divorce due to weed

32 replies

Sunnyside91 · 06/12/2020 21:06

Am I being unreasonable to want a divorce stemming from DS weed habit?
8 years relationship, one DC, average life, he’s not terrible but they way he makes me feel when I see him stoned is what’s more concerning. I almost completely loathe him, pure disgust, I can’t go on feeling this way. I don’t know how to divorce without the fucking guilt that “I” ruined this family! I just want better for myself and my son, is that not enough?

OP posts:
Nackajory · 06/12/2020 21:07

DS weed habit or DH?

year5teacher · 06/12/2020 21:08

I opened this thinking “definitely YANBU” as I wouldn’t want to be with someone with a weed habit (can’t be arsed with that) but it’s quite full on to loathe someone just because they are stoned. You definitely don’t love him much if you feel that strongly.

AdultCat · 06/12/2020 21:08

You're allowed to divorce for any reason you want. Yes, you definitely deserve better for you and your son. He doesn't sound much of a role model!
Do you have a 'plan'? As in would you leave or ask him to?

year5teacher · 06/12/2020 21:09

I mean still YANBU! I wouldn’t want to be with someone who smoked weed regularly/at all.

user1592512579 · 06/12/2020 21:15

YANBU, and if you've spoken to him about it and his choice is to continue I wouldn't be carrying any guilt for "ruining the family" either.

Original poster
Sunnyside91 · 06/12/2020 21:15

DHs habit sorry, DC is still small.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyside91 · 06/12/2020 21:16

The loathing feeling has come from years or this crap, I am just really sick to the back teeth. Pretending everything is fine.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sunnyside91 · 06/12/2020 21:18

@AdultCat I asked him for a divorce in October, asked him to move out. 6 weeks of no communication he cracked and begged me stay and said he’s given it up. Well.... few weeks later he came home high and denied it. Lied to my face, I asked to see his phone and low and behold messages to his dealer.

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 06/12/2020 21:20

I wouldn’t be with him, time to end it.

Whyistheteacold · 06/12/2020 21:21

Yanbu at all. DS deserves better and so do you

Itsallpointless · 06/12/2020 21:23

How long has he been doing this OP?

I spent many years living with my 'd' p and his weed ADDICTION. It was his mistress, and consumed his spare time. I begged him repeatedly to stop.

He eventually progressed to much harder drugs, he had to go then, I'd spent years shielding my DC from all of it.

If anyone says weed is not a gateway drug, they've never experienced living with someone who uses it.

I'd say get out now, you owe it to your DC.

OoohTheStatsDontLie · 06/12/2020 21:23

YANBU

He is taking drugs and lying about it. How could be be unreasonable being annoyed about this unless youd both agreed it was ok

Original poster
Sunnyside91 · 06/12/2020 21:29

@Itsallpointless He's been smoking since the beginning, back then it wasn't a big deal. I got pregnant after 2 years relationship and that's when it all went wrong. I wanted him to give it up and focus on being a family. Many arguments stemmed from weed. So it's been almost 9 years. I just feel so worn out by it. If I could I would get up and go but my son goes to great school and we live in a lovely area I don't feel I should have to take that away from him. How long were you with your ex p? Thank you for reaching out

OP posts:
catnoir1 · 06/12/2020 21:31

I felt the way you do I wouldn't hesitate to divorce.

PhylisPrice · 06/12/2020 21:31

I stayed far too long in a relationship with some addicted to weed, it was fucking awful in the end. When he didn't have the money for the stuff he was an absolute monster! Trust me when I say this will get no better, take your chance to leave. You won't be ruining anything as your DC will grow up to see what a waste of space is father turns into if he doesn't give up this habit.

If anyone is reading this thinking I'm being harsh on people who smoke and don't understand please just trust me in the experience I have had of it is horrific. Of course this is only my experience and others may feel differently but it honestly ruined 7 years of my life.

Original poster
Sunnyside91 · 06/12/2020 21:32

@PhylisPrice SadI'm so sorry you also had to experience this, it's so painful with DC in the middle. How are you now?

OP posts:
Itsallpointless · 06/12/2020 21:45

He was doing it when we met. He said he would stop, he didn't, he was very persuasive, and I fell for it.

I 'served' 18 years, most of it unhappy. Like you I longed and begged for a 'normal' family life. I was the stability in my DC life,

We have been apart for 15 years, he's still a user/loser, and his last long term DP has kicked him out too.

Skyla2005 · 06/12/2020 21:50

My friend divorced her husband because of weed it made him a zombie he promised to give up when they separated and she took him back and after a few weeks he was back on it so she divorced. Two years later he died of lung cancer

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 06/12/2020 22:03

Weed users are so tedious.

DontBeShelfish · 06/12/2020 22:07

@StrictlyAFemaleFemale

Weed users are so tedious.
100% this. I can well understand your loathing of your partner OP. A friend of mine smokes heavily and he just seems so sloppy - uncoordinated and incapable of a proper conversation because he's either paranoid or everything's hilarious. Just as annoying to be around as a cokehead.

And do you want your DS around that as he grows up? I'd divorce him.

TheGreatSloth · 06/12/2020 22:18

I left mine for the same reason. I can entirely understand where you're coming from. Someone who is always stoned just seems so shambling and pathetic. Plus mine started becoming angry and aggressive when smoking particularly heavily- it can have this effect.
I've never regretted leaving. He's met another women...lovely person.....only she is objecting to it too. It's not just you OP! It's a real turn off and won't get better.
And yes, as a PP has said, as your son grows up you are really not going to want this around him. Its a dreadful example, and your son will pick up on it.

Cherrysoup · 06/12/2020 22:22

You’d be doing your dc a service, tbh, getting him away from this situation.

copperoliver · 06/12/2020 22:26

Get him out,change the locks and divorce him ASAP. This is not good for you or your child. X

Wales34 · 06/12/2020 22:50

Hi sorry don't want to make this about myself , but this read resonated with me . Have been with my do for around 5 years and we have 5 month dd. Dp has always smoked weed heavily , and it has recently got worse as both of us are currently off work ( I am on maternity leave and earn a good wage). He is an excellent hands on father and I love him dearly. I haven't put my foot down about the weed as it doesn't bother me too much, apart from the talking shot about some great idea he may have. However I am getting concerned that he is going down a path where he can't live without it. Have any of you been in this situation and what was the outcome?

Wales34 · 06/12/2020 22:50

Talking shit*

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