To think a lot of people are making a fuss about Covid because they don't want to see in laws

[iswhois]

Relaxation of the rules is allowed

People are still hardline about it, usually where there is some issue with in laws

Just be honest and say you don't want to do it

YABU as in my experience and that of my friend's and DH's friends, the decision to not spend it with the in-laws or parents between very late 60's and mid 70s has been made by that generation. I am not seeing my Mother or Father (they are divorced) as they don't want to take the risk. We are not spring it with my MIL. So our friends that are a similar age to us - very late 30s early 40s their parents have all taken the same position except one who is seeing their parents with their newborn but they have the youngest parents in their mid 60s.

The threads are diminishing regarding the awful four hour journeys and so on.

I reckon that what most people want to do is stay in their pyjamas and go nowhere, and eat and drink for their country.

I an with that cohort.

I adore both our families but we’re actually genuinely just trying not to put anyone at risk

Other way round for us. In-laws using it as an excuse to not see us or grandchildren but are happily meeting with other grandchildren regularly (including Sunday lunch today in tier 3). They are not eligible to bubble with them either.

Step children too. My DSis has loved not seeing them

I’m in a bubble with my dad and stepmum, so I’ll just see them as normal with my children. My ex won’t be taking the kids to see his family as he doesn’t want to risk it. I’m actually very happy he isn’t because then that would put my bubble at risk if he did.

I do think it’s still important to use common sense at Christmas. It’s not going away for a few days for a holiday.

I live my parents. I want to see them. But I'm not sure we should because I don't want to make them ill.

Its hardly a complex dilemma, it's not fuelled by anything malicious. People can only mix with 2 other households, lots of people have I'll, elderly or vulnerable relatives, its always going to be difficult to know how to manage the situation.

Yes there are going to be some people who dont like their in laws and use covid as an excuse. But most people love their own household more than their spouses, that doesnt mean they don't want to see their spouses family just that when forced to make a choice they will

Christmas is a total shopping construct. Engineered by the shops.

I don't buy into it at all. I will not be manipulated by adverts for ONE DAY.

@veeeeh

Christmas is a total shopping construct. Engineered by the shops.

I don't buy into it at all. I will not be manipulated by adverts for ONE DAY.

Maybe for you. We’re not big consumers, don’t do adult presents and are sensible with children’s gifts. Christmas for us is a midwinter festival. A chance to spend time off work with family where we relax and eat nice food, to break up the long winter. In laws live abroad so Christmas is usually our big get together. Not this year, obviously. We’d love to be celebrating it, but we can’t celebrate how we’d like to.

Phew. You mean that I should tell my CEV in-laws to sod their concerns because I teach in a busy secondary school and to put up with me because Covid is taking a holiday? I’ll call my MiL now....

I am so upset at not seeing my parents, but I have friends my own age and younger who are still suffering from LongCovid after 8 months. There is no way I'm going to put my family at risk.

@veeeeh

The threads are diminishing regarding the awful four hour journeys and so on.

I reckon that what most people want to do is stay in their pyjamas and go nowhere, and eat and drink for their country.

I an with that cohort.

Exactly. This scenario wouldn’t be my first choice in a normal year, but in this bitch of a year it feels like the most sensible option. I’m totally getting on board with having a chilled one and just doing exactly as we please for once (aka pyjamas all day!)

Not for us. We just don't want to KILL ANYONE BEFORE THEY GET THE VACCINE 🤷‍♀️😷

So we should get the elderly parents in and share two schools worth of germs around the table? What could go wrong?

I'm not seeing my parents indoors. Christmas isn't going to be normal so we've decided there's no point having a poor substitute and putting them at risk (this came from them more than us actually).

We shall try and do some fun outdoor activities.

In our area there’s been more covid deaths in the last month than the whole of the first wave so we’re being much more cautious. Just because you can legally do things doesn’t mean it’s safe. We’re fairly rural with lots of single lane roads where legally you can drive at 60mph - if you did that you’d die. Just because you can doesn’t mean you should. People look at the risk and and decide what they’re comfortable with. Stop being so judgmental and realise everyone is different.

I just think it's absolutely bloody stupid to waste the work we've put in keeping loved ones safe. If you've stuck to the rules so far, because you're concerned about vulnerable relatives, then why the hell would it suddenly become okay and safe because it's a certain date?

It's bollocks.

Either relaxing at Christmas is too dangerous, or the rules that have gone before it have been far too strict and unnecessary. But surely it has to be one or the other. Can't have it both ways.

I'm gutted to not be having my parents and wonderful in-laws round at Christmas, this will be our first Christmas in 20 years apart but Id be even more gutted if any of them ended up on a ventilator in January for the sake of a turkey dinner. They are all late 70s early 80s so we are doing the sensible thing and not putting them at risk a horrible decision but the right one for us.

YABU. I'd genuinely love to see my parents and my in-laws and they'd all love to see us. We are high risk, because between the 4 of us we are in 5 different schools. PIL are very wary about catching it from us, and both my parents and PIL think it would be silly to risk it when they are so close to getting the vaccine. We love spending Christmas with all the extended family. It's not a chore or a problem in any way.

We always spend Christmas with db and dsil who I love dearly. We usually go on holiday with them every year and spend lots of weekends together but obviously not many this year. They came to us once this summer and us to them but didn’t share a house.

We have decided not to meet up and stay together this Christmas due to risk as dh has been shielding. We are all really upset and I am sure it won’t feel like Christmas but we will meet up on Boxing Day for a walk.

People have to do what feels right for them. I am sure there are some who will use it as an excuse but not all of us....

Personally I’ve found Covid and “the rules” have got me out of a lot of stuff this year and it’s enabled me to redraw some boundaries.

That said, we have 6 adult kids. Five of them are partnered, with kids, but one lives on his own in another town. We’ve not been in a bubble with him thus far due to distance but we are having him here for Christmas. We’ll take all precautions (eg get him to shower and wash his clothes as soon as he arrives, and we’ll disinfect the bathroom after each shower and get him to use a separate loo) and we “think” he had CV at the beginning of March but who knows? The other five kids understand and appreciate that we can’t choose between them, and it’s simply a case of him being single.

But yeah, I do think it’s a way for some people to avoid unwanted company, because I’ve done it in other contexts.

Really, unless it is a visit to someone who is very ill and may not see another Christmas, masks and distancing and so on of course, most if not everyone will understand.

Trekking around the country is such a pain, and can be done at any time other than the crowded roads around Christmas.

I think or hope that most people are adults in the room and understand the restrictions. I would not worry too much about rituals this year TBH. And neither will our family either. It is called common sense.

@birdsnotbees

You don’t see the risk as you’re 27. I see the risk as if my parents or PIL get COVID they will die. I love them and don’t want them to die, so no, it’s not an excuse.

I honestly despair of some people’s inability to judge risk, when the risk doesn’t apply directly to them.

Why will they die?

Even very elderly and vulnerable people will not necessarily die. I know people on their 70s who have had very mild covid. Also a cancer sufferer who didn't even know they had it until tested positive- was on ECV list all year.

Some people might die but most will not.
Saying they will die is misleading

I see the risk as if my parents or PIL get COVID they will die

I didn’t think any age/pre existing condition resulted in a 100% chance of death from Covid?
My 90 year old grandmother had it mildly.

@birdsnotbees

You don’t see the risk as you’re 27. I see the risk as if my parents or PIL get COVID they will die. I love them and don’t want them to die, so no, it’s not an excuse.

I honestly despair of some people’s inability to judge risk, when the risk doesn’t apply directly to them.

Just because you get Covid it doesn’t mean you’ll die! 🙄