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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

heartless people

69 replies

firthy85 · 05/12/2020 21:37

i was out a few weeks ago and this poor woman was trying to calm her DD only about 5. i felt sad how people just seemed to be judging her or not even offering any words of support. maybe i am just a soft kind of guy?

OP posts:
Crissy83 · 05/12/2020 22:14

Jesus it's always such hard work on here

Sunmoonstars77 · 05/12/2020 22:19

@Crissy83 I know ! It seems whatever you try and post some people try and twist it and turn against the OP for the sake of it

Crissy83 · 05/12/2020 22:21

Completely

PicsInRed · 05/12/2020 22:22

Be cautious with this one, people, be very cautious...

Bloodypunkrockers · 05/12/2020 22:24

If I was calming one of mine and someone came and told me they weren't judging me I'd tell them to GTF

Why would you think that was a good move, OP?

Nevergoingbackthere · 05/12/2020 22:26

Getting so many red flags from the OP here

goldielockdown2 · 05/12/2020 22:28

It's never crossed my mind I'd ever be judged because a child of mine was upset.
How many weeks have you been sat thinking about this, OP?

HolyBuckets · 05/12/2020 22:30

.

Echobelly · 05/12/2020 22:30

I think you're being a bit harsh saying people not offering support are being heartless - I think a lot of people aren't judging but are thinking that the parents might feel embarrassed if they seem to take notice so they ignore it, not because they don't want to help but because they don't want to put attention on what's happening and maybe make the parents feel more awkward than they may be already.

slashlover · 05/12/2020 22:35

There was a post not too long ago from someone who said that they hated people coming up and trying to be supportive/comforting. They just wanted people to pretend not to notice so they could pretend it wasn't affecting other people.

Original poster
firthy85 · 05/12/2020 22:35

guys lol i am new. maybe i am not explaining totally the way i should have in the actual post. the mum seemed a bit flustered. i didn't actually tell her i wasn't judging her i was just saying that on this thread that i let her know i wasn't judging her. i jst said to both of them hope your alright and walked down the street past them. i have been flamed maybe understandably for a little bit of lacking details

OP posts:
PerfidiousAlbion · 05/12/2020 22:38

Your initial post and your last post contradict each other.

slashlover · 05/12/2020 22:41

i didn't actually tell her i wasn't judging her

Ummm...

i just let her know that i understood and that i wasn't judin her

it was nothing at all. i was just passing them by and i wanted to let them know not all people are judgemental towards the situation.

no way it was not done to be patronising, it was just that it happened in front of me and i wanted to just let her know as i past that not all care about things like this and she said thanks.

PurpleDaisies · 05/12/2020 22:43

i just let her know that i understood and that i wasn't judging her

I didn't actually tell her I wasn't judging her i was just saying that on this thread that i let her know i wasn't judging her.

I am very confused.

PicsInRed · 05/12/2020 22:46

This isn't a dating site, OP.

TeachesOfPeaches · 05/12/2020 22:52

I always ignore and tell my son not to stare. Nothing worse than people gawping when you're trying to manage a tantruming child.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 05/12/2020 22:56

When my dd was prone to meltdowns the 'well meaning' people pissed me off more than the dickheads. At least the judgy twats just tutted and walked on, people getting in my face, or saying things to dd, therefore making the situation worse, or those offering advice were just so bloody intrusive. She had her partner there, she didn't need additional help.

If you catch their eye in future, give a sympathetic look, otherwise, just stay out of it.

Voice0fReason · 05/12/2020 22:58

Honestly, I would rather people just kept their comments to themselves.

There have only been a couple of times when I have welcomed help.
Once was when my toddler had wet himself in the street and I was trying to get him sorted - a mum walking past said: "I've been there, can I hold onto your buggy for you?" I was on a hill and trying to stop it from rolling away.
Another mum moved her child away when I was trying to support my son who was having a meltdown. She just said that she would give me a bit more space.

I have no interest in anyone else's opinion about how I am doing, whether good or bad.

Original poster
firthy85 · 06/12/2020 00:52

sorry. maybe i was tired when i posted this. what i meant was to let you all know by what i said to her that i wasn't judgeing her. when i realised what was going on just asked if she was alright and that i understood and carried on with the day

OP posts:
HmmSureJan · 06/12/2020 01:04

@PicsInRed

This isn't a dating site, OP.
Grin my thoughts exactly. Hoping for a pile of PMs telling you how fab you are were you OP?
CrotchBurn · 06/12/2020 01:07

What words of support did you want strangers to offer this woman?
"You got this sister!"
"Go girl! You can do it!"
"We're all rooting for you hun!"

sofiaaaaaa · 06/12/2020 01:11

Well I have no idea what to do in that situation, I don’t spend time with 5 year olds so have no idea how to placate them. If I “stepped in”, I would probably make the situation worse! I think as a stranger, ignoring a tantrum from a random child is better than randomly piping up as the parent wouldn’t think I was judging them at all. They wouldn’t know that I was impacted by the tantrum so less stressful for them?

sofiaaaaaa · 06/12/2020 01:13

I don’t think you’re soft, I think you’re a bit of a loser for posting about this, especially as it happened a few weeks ago. What a weird thing to dwell on.

CuppaZa · 06/12/2020 01:14

Here you go @firthy85. Have a pat on the bag

theThreeofWeevils · 06/12/2020 01:18

Well, OP, you sure made that woman's day.
Patronising twunt.