Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to try and make my daughter nap?

48 replies

MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 18:53

My daughter is 17 months old has has up until now been mostly a fab sleeper. Self settling for bedtime and naps and rarely any night wakings. However she started with a runny nose and decreased appetite last Saturday so 7 days ago and since then it’s gone downhill. She napped Saturday and Sunday and took over two hours to settle for both of the naps and the night ones. Then slept 12 hours both nights. Then Monday Tuesday and Wednesday didn’t nap because she was so difficult. Thursday she napped fine but took ages to settle at night. Friday she napped but took a while then was okay for nighttime sleep. Yesterday (Friday) she took over two hours to get to sleep and was crying every time I left the room. Today she hasn’t napped again and started to cry when I left so I gave dummy and left and she’s so exhausted that she’s passed out okay.

Her molars have just broken, she still is quite bunged up. All week she hasn’t had a before bed bottle which is very unusual for her. She usually self settles but won’t be left and I’ve tried CC but it seems to prolong everything then the next day we’re back at square one. I know she can self settle as she has a few days this week but the past two days she has been a nightmare. Last night after two hours I held her and she fell asleep on me. Tonight like I say she absolutely exhausted so I don’t count that as a win.

Am I unreasonable to carry on putting her down to nap when she fights it so hard. Ie throwing her dummy out of the cot instantly. Crying. Screaming like she’s being tortured. Another thing she used to say night night when she wanted to go to bed but now refuses to say it. I think it’s behavioural but my partner thinks it’s her being unwell and her teeth.

Am I being unreasonable to make her nap? I’m sure toddlers of 17 months still need naps but with her nighttime sleep being okay is it something I should just drop and see how it goes? Will she loose the ability to self settle if I do this and she’s always so exhausted by bedtime? She is okay behaviourally in the day and still eats normally and is pleasant to be around until around 5 then she starts getting cranky. She has phases in the day where she gets cranky but I don’t want to try and force her to nap for her to get upset and then cause issues at night iyswim.

Any and all advice welcome,

A very tired mum of a toddler and a 2 month old 🙏

OP posts:
KylieKangaroo · 05/12/2020 19:05

I would hold her, do whatever it takes to get her to sleep, she might be feeling really poorly and just wants to be close to you.

This is from someone who co slept until age 3 though so I might not be the best person to take advice from Grin

Hope she is ok soon, it's horrible when they are out of sorts!

AurorasGingerbreadHouse · 05/12/2020 19:06

Definitely not old enough for no naps, ideally needs one long nap I think at that age. It doesn't need to be in bed though! A lot of toddlers chose to have an alternative nap place during the day, such as in the lounge or play room, or will only nap in the car or buggy. I do think at that age they start to push boundaries more with sleep, but you want the bedroom to remain a peaceful place not one for arguments and battles. If that means napping elsewhere during the day, and taking a bit more time over bedtime that's better than creating stress and arguments around sleep. I think you have to start giving them a choice as toddlers though. Do you want a story?/ Which story would you like? Can I kiss you goodnight? Can I turn the light off now? Etc. They are gaining independence and trying to exert control around everything from clothes to sleep to food to play. They are showing preferences. Also, sometimes they are feeling ill and over tired and don't want lots of kisses and cuddles and stories, they just want to go straight to sleep! Don't take that personally. They are becoming more like us, individuals who make their own decisions etc. How would you feel if you were made to nap when you wanted to play? Or made to turn the light out before you'd checked you had everything you needed? It's a good idea to try and put yourself in your toddlers shoes a bit sometimes

littleharissa · 05/12/2020 19:08

You seem very determined to keep mentioning ' self settling' when the poor thing is quite clearly poorly.

Just hold her and cuddle her to sleep.

If it takes a week of co sleeping and snuggling to get her better, so be it

Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:10

I’ve tried all different times and ways to be honest. She hasn’t napped in the pram since she was 5 months old and won’t sleep in the car no matter how long we drive. She’s constantly on the move. I understand and know she needs naps but honestly it’s like 2-3 hours for each sleep lately and I hold her and snuggle her when she wants but she sometimes will also fight this and won’t have milk or her dummy or anything and just screams to get down. If I put her in the cot she screams to get up. I’ve tried rocking her to sleep which works sometimes but not all I kept trying to put her for nap and 3 days she didn’t have one two days she did and now today no nap again. Rocking, CC, medicine, snuggles, singing, patting her in the cot, laying her back down. None of it works she used to go down awake play a little then sleep but she just isn’t at all cooperating

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:11

Also when I’m alone in the daytimes as my partner works I can’t spend 4 hours a day getting my eldest to sleep as I have a baby too

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:15

Also not sure if it’s relevant but when she was napping like last week and week before she had a really bad stage of waking multiple times at night sometimes asking for a bottle other times taking ages to settle back to sleep.

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 19:16

It’s tricky. I wouldn’t give it up when she’s poorly, and she’s quite young to stop. They often go through a phase where they seem to want to drop
A nap but I would try and push through it as napping is important for them. I would try and rock her to sleep for her nap while she’s not herself.

Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:17

I do but she screams louder most of the time.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:27

@OverTheRainbow88 I do but she screams louder most of the time

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:33

So what are your suggestions? I keep her on me yesterday over an hour then she asked to go to bed put her in and she screamed when I left. If she’s like that she’s ok being snuggled. If she isn’t and she’s flat out refusing she screams from holding her she wants to get out of her pjs and up and will not settle

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 19:44

Hmm I’m not sure if I’m being honest.

Maybe swap nap time to chill out time for now?

mamababy1955555 · 05/12/2020 19:46

Would she sleep in the car?

It sounds like she's just not able to sleep because she's poorly. You could always put the TV on as an alternative for some quiet time?

Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:48

@OverTheRainbow88 I’m so at a loss and so very tired I don’t know what to do for her. I mentioned self settling a few times because I’m scared she will lose the ability to and with a baby I need her to keep that skill! She honestly screams and screams like she has never in her life been like this and it’s been a week. If I put her down but get her back up anyway without her sleeping after trying everything or if it gets too close to bedtime she will learn if she screams she can get out surely?

OP posts:
Cdstjooyv · 05/12/2020 19:49

I’d definitely aim to go for one nap instead of two by this age. You’ve probably tried it but the app huckleberry is quite good for giving you a time to put them down and them be more likely to sleep. This too shall pass x

Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:50

@mamababy1955555 she won’t sleep in the car at all. That was our go to last time for naps when she stopped but she only had two days that time and napped again since for months fine. I do put tv on for her sometimes but she doesn’t ever sit still so doesn’t care much for tv. I read to her a lot and sit quietly with her snuggled on the couch but she’s fine I take her to bed she has her bottle, dummy says night and usually goes to bed. Lately she’s refusing bottle dummy and snuggles and screaming to get down.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:50

@Cdstjooyv she’s been on one nap since 12 months old. I shall try the app. Thanks

OP posts:
OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 19:51

Yes I understand the not wanting to loose the self settling, that’s a key skill, that neither of mine have!!

I guess when they are ill often routine all goes out the window and then can be picked up again once better.

Could your OH take some annual leave and help out more whilst child unwell?

Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:52

@OverTheRainbow88 joking aren’t you lmao. He chose three nights this week during it to go out for three hours. At bedtime. So no, he won’t do that. He helps a lot in the day and overnight so I’m
Not bashing him by any means.

OP posts:
Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:54

@OverTheRainbow88 honestly right now I wish she would cosleep but she won’t settle never has. She’s always needed a dark room silence and to be left alone. Rocking used to work in th past and it gets her calm and sleepy and used to be fab but now she just screams when I try and rock her.

OP posts:
Dinocan · 05/12/2020 19:56

Both my dc gave up napping reliably 18 months. There is an annoying in between bit where sometimes they need it and sometimes they don’t. Just go with what she wants. If she’s not going willingly for naps id leave it and do slightly earlier bedtime (this worked for me).

Original poster
MagicCurses · 05/12/2020 19:57

@Dinocan thanks for that I know a few people who’s children are the same some even earlier. I want her to have the nap obviously but if she’s fighting it this hate no matter what I do I don’t want to cause stress to her or that level of upset.

OP posts:
Nottherealslimshady · 05/12/2020 19:59

YABU to expect a baby that's ill/teething to self settle and to use controlled crying.
Where does she want to be? Does she want to stay downstairs on your lap? Do that.
Does she want to be in bed and you sit next to her? Do that.
She's not well, it's not like she's throwing a tantrum because she wants to stay up and play.

OverTheRainbow88 · 05/12/2020 20:04

@Nottherealslimshady

It’s not that easy as OP has a younger baby as well so probably can’t sit there for hours with a napping toddler on her

laudemio · 05/12/2020 20:07

If she is ill or teething have you tried calpol? 30 mins before bed? If she is in pain she will act out.

MrsLangOnionsMcWeetabix · 05/12/2020 20:08

She’s not got any signs of an ear infection has she? Also have you tried paracetamol or ibuprofen in case she’s in pain?