@DownToTheSeaAgain
There is a lot of truth in what you say. My F grew up in Prague during the Nazi occupation. His father was shot by the Gestapo having been in the Czech resistance. An uncle he was close to died in Maunthausen concentration camp.
His family was toxic to. He was born as a result of an affair which led his father to leave his first wife and was then brought up by his paternal grandmother, who constantly blamed his mother and thought his father had done no wrong. (That's obviously where his deeply ingrained misogyny came from.)
Later in life he suffered from Parkinson's Disease and had several stokes.
So yes, in his own way, he was a victim. But so was I. And yet when I look at my DDs, all I want to do is protect them from harm. So a toxic background can explain what he did, but it doesn't excuse the damage done to my siblings and me.
But the death penalty? That would reduce us to the level of the Gestapo officials who killed my grandfather and played a part in making my F into what he was.