Feeling left out at Christmas.

[christmastime4120]

Hi all, I’m nearing 30 and have 2 children.

I may be told I’m coming across spoilt or precious.

My mum always had the attitude that Christmas is all for the kids (which of course is right, I want my children to have an amazing Christmas).

My mum stopped buying me gifts (even for my birthday) when I turned about 18-19 maybe. I also had my first child pretty young so rather than buying for me she would spend maybe £40 on my
son. I don’t get anything - even on my birthday. I’d appreciate even something small like a box of chocolates.

My brothers and siblings are quite a bit younger than me (2 in teens and 1 early twenties) but they still have hundreds spent on them but I get bugger all and I mean nothing when they get about £500 each spent on them - even my brother in his twenties.

I understand I have children now. She buys them maybe a few gifts each maybe around £30 each and it’s usually tat.

Money is not the issue here. They aren’t short of money - my mum and my stepdad (who she’s been with since I was 10!) have a considerable amount of money coming in. Ive never had my bio dad around if that’s even relevant to this post.

Aibu to feel really pushed out? I know Christmas isn’t about receiving and I always thought it was the norm for adults not to receive presents from their parents once they got to a certain age. But my brother is in his twenties and gets loads. I know I have children she buys for but it’s not like she spends loads and loads on them.

I can’t imagine not ever wanting to buy my children gifts even when they are
Adults.

I even buy my mum and stepdad something buy don’t think I’ll bother this year. I know you shouldn’t buy to receive but seriously I get nothing back.

They are very money orientated and very selfish with it. Like once I borrowed £3 cash for my children - her grandchildren to get an ice cream as they wouldn’t take card and was immediately demanding it back via bank transfer 🤷‍♀️

My mother in law rang me yesterday to ask if I needed anything for Christmas and it makes me emotional that she bothers more than my own family - not just on Christmas.

Aibu to just feel a little jealous (I know, I know), pushed out, left out and just like I don’t matter?

I’d totally understand if money was an issue but it’s not in this case.

That's tight of them.i wonder if it's your stepdad's idea, because I fail to understand why anyone's own mum wouldn't buy them a small gift. It doesn't have to be pricey but I think it's really bad not to. Not buying your 18 year old own daughter a pressie, really mean in my book.

They get something for your children, so you should continue to get them something as well. Just distance from them emotionally now x

That's how our family does it and it honestly doesn't bother me at all

It's might seem obvious ( I haven't read the whole thread sorry) but have you ever thought of asking her why she never gets you a gift but does for everybody else?

Agree with others, she sounds like a nasty woman and that's probably hard to hear about your own mother, sorry OP. Something to bear in mind, in the years to come who will be expected to run around doing her care? That's right, you! She'll most likely throw in some guilt about how she's treated your DC but bugger that.

That's how people like this tend to operate, so be prepared and tell her she can sling her hook!

Yanbu, its thoughtless and unkind of your mum. When you have children you are still a person in your own right not just a mother, ime when you become a parent you appreciate pampering and gifts more than you did before having kids because you have less time and money to spend on yourself.

Can you talk to your mum about how you feel?