Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Haven't had any break from kids since July, starting to snap.

44 replies

Broodylou16 · 04/12/2020 15:46

Am I awful? I was made redundant in the summer and now I am full time SAHM with 3yo and 1yo DDs. I'm on the verge of tears from the moment I wake up each morning this week, and find I'm almost looking for reasons to give out to everybody just to release some tension. This really just started this week where I'm overwhelmed before I even get out of the bed. What can I do?

OP posts:
AllTheUserNamesAreTaken · 04/12/2020 16:21

Do you have a partner? Can you get out for a bit once they are home - to the gym, or swimming or even to sit in the car with a coffee and a book and a blanket for half an hour!

Whybirdwhy · 04/12/2020 16:41

Well do you have a partner? That is crucial info - if so your partner needs to book some time off work and fully take over for a few days. You need a break, for f you can manage this it will make all the He difference and you will feel
more like yourself. I know it’s easier said than done but you need to have a really serious talk about one important this is for your family, not just you. Good luck.

Badwill · 04/12/2020 16:50

And you're only just starting to snap?!

As above - is there anyone who can give you a break? I'd go crazy without one. Can the three yo go to nursery in the mornings?

Liverbird77 · 04/12/2020 16:55

I'm in the same boat, and I've just said exactly the same thing to my husband. I look forward to going to bed every night...well as much as I can room sharing with a four month ebf baby. I also have a 23 month old, who is not behaving well at the moment.
It's a bloody struggle.
My husband works full time from home at the moment, and he's very hands on when he's not working, but it's getting too much for me.
You have my total sympathy.

Liverbird77 · 04/12/2020 16:59

We went out for a meal together in October 2019, and one in July 2019. Apart from that, nothing. No date nights, no days out, no lunches together. Nothing. We are even having to take them with us to the solicitor's when we go to sign our wills in a couple of weeks.
In laws are abroad and my parents can't/won't babysit. I have no one I trust to leave them with.
They are with me every hour of every day.
My eldest is going to nursery two days a week in January. I am hoping that will be a bit of a break.

BiddyPop · 04/12/2020 17:01

What about your partner in terms of minding the DCs and giving YOU a break though?

VeganVeal · 04/12/2020 17:46

Don't worry, the first 18 years are the worst

MissBaskinIfYoureNasty · 04/12/2020 17:50

Where is their dad? If he is around be should have made sure you got some kind of a break at some point since July!

Original poster
Broodylou16 · 09/12/2020 14:47

I do have a partner, he works from home. I get about one hour during the week to do the grocery shop, maybe half an hour here and there for a walk by myself (after all dinners etc. are taken care of) and that's about it. He is the type that internally shits himself at the thought of having to pull the finger out and look after them by himself, without me setting it all up for him first to make it extra extra easy on him. I am exhausted now and just permanently on edge, ready to snap at anyone for any reason.

OP posts:
Whatisthisfuckery · 09/12/2020 14:50

Single parent here, no breaks ever.

Whatisthisfuckery · 09/12/2020 14:55

Sorry, that wasn’t helpful. You have a partner though, lay the bloody law down and make him pull his weight, I assume it’s a him, and make sure you get some time to yourself. Walk out and leave the DC with him if you have to.

You have options, it’s up to you whether you put your foot down and take them or not. Some of us don’t have any options.

I’m sorry this sounds harsh, but you are allowing yourself to be walked all over. It all rings a bit hollow for those of us who are raising kids alone, full time, without help, financial or otherwise.

BiscuitDrama · 09/12/2020 14:57

Stop making it easy and start going out on your own for a walk etc at the weekend.

TheABC · 09/12/2020 14:58

OK, there's an easy solution here.

This weekend, go out for the morning. Or the afternoon. Just...go. Get a coffee, meet a friend in the park - whatever you can. Don't bother prepping it for him beforehand. If he can function at work, he can function at home with the kids. Your uturus did not give you an instruction manual on making sandwiches and wiping bottoms.

You are doing yourself no favours in letting this continue.

moita · 09/12/2020 14:59

Could you put the 3 year old in pre school? I have a 3 year old and 2 year old. The oldest does 3 mornings which really helps but I get no break from the 2 year old which is hard.

Havenly · 09/12/2020 15:01

I'd suggest you agree a couple of regular slots every week where he takes over and you go out. Then you don't need to 'set it up' for him because it won't be a one off. He needs regular experience of looking after his own children, then he'll learn what to do and won't be shitting it if asked to look after his own kids!

TwilightSkies · 09/12/2020 15:01

He’s going to have to step up ISNT he?!
Let him shit himself! He can sort it out, like you’ve been doing all day every day.
Why are you literally at breaking point, while he sits back and watches?
Does he care how you feel?

BiddyPop · 09/12/2020 15:03

You may need to do the care during his working hours, but you BOTH made these DC and are BOTH responsible for them in general. So he needs to do his fair share of the household chores AND childminding/entertaining outside of work hours. And he needs to give you more than a couple of hours a week alone - food shopping is not a relaxing thing at the moment even if it normally would be for you, and maybe a couple of half hours to walk after dinner...??!! You need to be able to close the door on them at times, either in the house or going out with no fixed purpose other than fresh air/being alone/having a coffee in peace.....

MrsTerryPratchett · 09/12/2020 15:09

Stop. Just tell him you're going out on Sunday for three hours and then go. Take warm clothes and a picnic. Or take the car and some podcasts. Whatever to just have enough time to get bored of being away from them.

So he shits himself? They won't die, he'll be fine.

AndcalloffChristmas · 09/12/2020 15:14

He has to step up and take over from time to time so you get breaks. Ideally at a set time X times a week, so you have the break to look forward to.

This isn’t sustainable.

nanbread · 09/12/2020 15:18

Your partner needs to have them at least half a day a week and NOT so you can do the fucking shopping.

Or, book a click and collect and pretend you're doing the shop. Take two hours to yourself.

Trousersareoverrated · 09/12/2020 15:20

Your partner sounds bloody useless but I guess you’ve enabled that? Stop that now. Why is he not doing the shopping/cooking either?

AIMD · 09/12/2020 15:21

You need a break (a proper one not going off to do the shop). Just because you are working at home doesn’t mean you should have to do all the caring.

I felt a bit overwhelmed when I had a 1 year old and 3 year old. They’re both old enough to wonder about, maybe need naps, messy easter etc....it’s hard work.

You need to speak to you partner about making changes so you don’t feel so overwhelmed. Maybe changing how/who bedtimes happened or giving you time along in the house or time to go out and do something that builds you up.

VEGAS2016 · 09/12/2020 15:23

I hear you OP.

This is a bone of contention with me & my DH. He seems to think because he cleans (he does, but pick & chooses what he wants to do, i do the rest) that he does he share Hmm he works & cleans a small amount. I also work, clean everything else, shop, cook & look after 2 DC. Im at the end of my tether & we are arguing about it Hmm.

Definitely not putting up with this long term thats for sure!

OneFootintheRave · 09/12/2020 15:28

He is the type that internally shits himself at the thought of having to pull the finger out and look after them by himself, without me setting it all up for him first to make it extra extra easy on him.

Eh? Then more fool you. Tell him you've had enough and go out for a few hours. Let him shit himself.

Givemeabreak88 · 09/12/2020 15:31

July? I haven’t had a break in four years Confused but if you have a partner I’m not sure why you aren’t getting a break?

Swipe left for the next trending thread