Haven't had any break from kids since July, starting to snap.

[Broodylou16]

Am I awful? I was made redundant in the summer and now I am full time SAHM with 3yo and 1yo DDs. I'm on the verge of tears from the moment I wake up each morning this week, and find I'm almost looking for reasons to give out to everybody just to release some tension. This really just started this week where I'm overwhelmed before I even get out of the bed. What can I do?

Be honest with your partner, start establishing some time either evenings or weekends where you can have some space.
Look into 15 hours free childcare for your 3 year old

@TheABC

OK, there's an easy solution here.

This weekend, go out for the morning. Or the afternoon. Just...go. Get a coffee, meet a friend in the park - whatever you can. Don't bother prepping it for him beforehand. If he can function at work, he can function at home with the kids. Your uturus did not give you an instruction manual on making sandwiches and wiping bottoms.

You are doing yourself no favours in letting this continue.

THIS. 100%

Your Partner is a selfish twat. My partner works extremely long hours out of the house and still manages to give me time to myself when he's home.

What childcare did you have in place before redundancy? It sounds as if you need that urgently and to take any job, just to get out of the house and be with adults. Is there anything preventing that?

Leave him to shit himself! He wanted kids - he's got them. Don't set anything up, just walk out the door and say you'll be back in a few hours. Do NOT answer phone calls. In fact, leave your phone behind. Now, what's open near you on a Saturday? Cinema? Theatre matinée? National Trust visit? Cafe that sells nice cake? I know options are a bit limited at the moment - but find something and have a break. Even a browse around the shops and the Christmas lights as long as it's not Tesco!

Your partner needs to hear how much you are struggling (to be fair, some people do need this kind of thing conveyed to them very shoutily in words of one syllable ) and then he needs to step up.

Just to add, please don't be hard on yourself. I was an SAHM by choice to two DC with a similar age gap and Ye Gods was the a baby + a toddler phase grim. And I was an SAHM by choice, had a supportive partner & wasn't having to navigate the inadequacies of our current shitty Covid half-life. This phase just IS hard.

I think it's the fact that he has outwardly proclaimed (more than once) that he could never be a stay at home parent because it is absolutely relentless and he would hate it. So, knowing his own opinion of the stay-at-home experience, he still doesn't see the need to volunteer some of his time so that I can tap out for a few hours.
Last week was my birthday, I was downstairs by 7.30am, emptying the dishwasher, making bottles, doing the usual. I feel at this point that there are just absolutely no circumstances where he'll bravely pipe up and say "you go, no problem I've got this" kind of thing. He has never done that and I just find it so embarrassing and awkward that he's fucking afraid of his own children.

Make him step up. Regular weekend time for you away from the family. Make it so.

I can relate, I have a 3 year old and 5 year old and despite the opportunity for breaks I find the whole thing entirely relentless and am on the verge of losing the plot.

I need some time away soon but with everything shut until God knows when I don't know when it's likely. I had something booked for January but I'm not hopeful which is making me feel so much worse, there is nothing to look forward to at all.

I keep thinking if I were separated at least I could get a few days/nights a week to myself even if I did have to go to work and the whole thing is seeming more and more tempting by the day.

I have no advice but just keep going, walk out one day if you have to and leave their dad to figure it out just like you have to. I've done that many times, I never end up gone long or go far but it feels so good just to leave him to it.

He needs to pull his finger out.

Last week was my birthday, I was downstairs by 7.30am, emptying the dishwasher, making bottles, doing the usual.

Why?

Right well your partner needs to step up, you need to talk to him and tell him it’s not good enough. They have two parents FFS.

Also does your 3 year old spend any time at nursery or pre school because they should qualify for 30 hours now, so why not look into that.

Fucking hell women, stop being a martyr. You can’t care for others if you don’t do a bit of self care, yourself. Stop waiting for him to offer, time has shown you he won’t. Don’t be passive, tell him to parent and start looking after yourself.

Just leave him with the kids. He'll work it out, same way you did when you have birth to them.

What if you were really ill or died even, who would take care of your children??

Just tell him you are having Saturday mornings to yourself and LEAVE! Do it every weekend.

What a useless fucker.

Your dh is just as responsible for them as you are. If you had to go into hospital he’d have to step up. When my dc were that age we didn’t have family help but dh took them when I needed a break.

Don't wait for him to step up - tell him you are going out and he needs to mind HIS DCs. Don't set it up for him - let him figure it out himself. And remind him of the relentlessness of the role of SAHP, that you are going through that relentlessness ALONE but that he also is 50% responsible for having made those DCs so he should be 50% responsible for caring for those DCs as well. What will he do when you get another job and DCs go back to childcare?

It's not even about 'taking them when you need a break'.

A partner should be doing half the work. So 50% of house/ childcare when he isn't at work. He's not doing you a favour.
Surely he loves his children and wants to spend time with them? And loves his wife and doesn't want her to be ill and exhausted?

I really don't understand these relationship dynamics and crap fathers.

OP I’m really viewing your posts with utter scorn. I became a single parent just as I lost all of my eyesight and I bloody coped. Stop being a martyr, woman up and make your lazy excuse of a partner man the fuck up. If he can ejaculate into you to impregnate you he can look after the consequences on his own for a few hours.

You are playing at being as helpless as he is. I’m sorry sweetheart, I’m just rolling my eyes. Just dump the DC on him and fuck out for a bit, don’t give him a choice. He’s a bloody adult FFS, not a labrador.