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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to want to throttle dp after feeling completely excluded from SIL wedding

50 replies

weepotion · 20/10/2007 23:09

need to vent how pissed off i am!

SIL's wedding was on thursday - shores of loch lomond. whole clan descends on loch side inn for 4 days celebrations. i had been really looking forward to it - first kind of event / "do" since dd was born 6 months ago. bought swanky new dresses for her and myself.
The day we arrived - a family meal was arranged in Inn for 9pm. i couldnt go as dd was in travel cot - so sat in room with her. not one person came to say hi. i couldnt even get room service as no phones in room. dp rolled in around 3am.

day of wedding - dd cranky as no sleep / naps with all the noise around hotel so lasted til just after the outdoors wedding ceremnony beore throwing a wobbly. i took her upstairs to settle / get nap which then lasted 2 hrs. by the time i got back downstairs - speeches/ meal etc all over. no food kept for me so a tad pissed off but hey ho.
then it was liek dawn of the dead - all the old dears wanted to hold the baby. she was snatched off me and passed round complette strangers. all i coudl see was her wee stressed face, trying to look round and see me. i practically had to scrum ny way through them to get her back. i know i may have overreacted but i felt sick watching them all. dp's alcoholic mother then grabbed her and nearly whacked dd's head off a table. i took her and went outside where dp took baby off for another tour of the place. he brought her back 10mins later howling as all the being attention got to her. i took her upstairs to settle her and give her a feed. it was her bedtime anyhow so got her ready. dp had said he woudl come up to take over so i coudl go downstairs. he never arrived so i spent the rest of the evening in room - again. he made it in at 6am

the friday - we were all meant to get together to walk along the loch to another place for a family lunch. i was asked to go to local village to get ciggies for them but when i got back - they had headed on. a note was pinned to our door saying that as it was near the babies nap time - they thought it was better if they went on. i was well hacked off by this stage. By the time they got back - it was after 8pm so bubba was down. dp stayed downstairs in bar again so - another night in our room.
bubba was up all night - she coudlnt settle due to noise below from the aforementionned bar. i coudl even make out dp's voice in fine singing tune at 3am.

this morning - dp took dd out while i was getting ready for breakfast. i went downstairs to find that the family had gone out for a jaunt in friends boat on loch. i wasnt told. they came back at 12 - just before we had to leave.

ok.
i get alright with his family. i get on v well with SIL. i am bloody raging with dp. i felt so left out/ isolated. normally i woudl have been the party girl - drinking and carousing til the early hours but - not with a baby. i felt that my role was very much to be out of sight/ mind with the baby.

really hacked off.
am i over reacting?
what woudl you have done?

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 20/10/2007 23:13

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NurseyJo · 20/10/2007 23:14

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RosaTransylvania · 20/10/2007 23:16

He was behaving like a selfish pig. Have you broached this with him?

ginnedupumpkin · 20/10/2007 23:17

No you're not overreacting at all. I'd be bloody furious.

Its his baby too fgs. He should have done his fair share of the minding and let you enjoy yourself too.

As for his family - talk about insensitive.

Have you had a go at him?

amytheearwaxbanisher · 20/10/2007 23:19

would be very ennoyed but thats what usually happens when you have a babyafter all it was a do on his side if it was one on yours would you be down partying or still expected to "hold the baby"but do sympatise is hard at these things to be laft out in the cold to childmind.he definatly should have taken dd for at least one night thou especially as he said he would

amytheearwaxbanisher · 20/10/2007 23:20

tell him how you feel sounds like you would have been better off at home

kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 23:21

No, yabu, he behaved like a selfish pig. And his family were not much better.

Are there no others with children then?

claraenglish · 20/10/2007 23:22

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smallwhitecat · 20/10/2007 23:22

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amytheearwaxbanisher · 20/10/2007 23:25

think a weekend would be better than just one night he got a weekend

smallwhitecat · 20/10/2007 23:28

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Original poster

weepotion · 20/10/2007 23:28

we had talked about it before we went and we had agreed that we would share childminding. i am not drinking as bf so i had said i would do more of the getting her to bed, watching over til settled etc

i did talk to him after the first night - but he says he thought that we would be downstairs more - letting her sleep in the carseat in the corner. he knows she never does that so i dont know why he thought she suddenly would on the day.

i know it is his sis's do - and i would not try and stop him from being with his folks and enjoying myself. he knows that but i feel he took the mickey.

This was our first time away since the baby was born. he has been out quite a few nights since then - again i have never made an issue of it. i have not been out once - mainly cause i am bf. i had really looked forward to it and feel a bit let down. they are all away tonight again.

i will be giving it all guns blazing after the weekend.

OP posts:

LittleMissDrinksAlot · 20/10/2007 23:29

did you have your invisible coat on? your dd has 2 parents. your dp should have done his bit and rolling in at 6am i would have been like a tazmanian devil on redbull if that were me! you have my sympathy!

Original poster

weepotion · 20/10/2007 23:33

i think what really got o me was the feeling that it was fine for me to get dd all dressed up for them to coo at but nothing else. i did indeed wear that coat of invisibilty which as a new mum i havent had before.
thanks for the support and yep - dp will be getting it after all his folks have gone tomorrow.

OP posts:

Blu · 20/10/2007 23:35

Either you need to be able to get your baby to sleep in buggy / car seat / sling and take her out and about with you, or your DH needs to seriously shape up. The not saving food, going off without you etc was really, really inconsiderate and selfish. of him and the whole family. Lay down a strict line about it NOW or he and his family are going to treat you like a doormat for ever more.

Give him a written diary of what happened - as you have described it here.

smallwhitecat · 20/10/2007 23:39

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oranges · 20/10/2007 23:40

look - you have to get rid of that coat of invisibility - in laws will get you to wear it as long as you are willing. Its rough at the 6 month stage when you are feeling more human and want to go out again, but still feel incredibly attached to your baby. You absolutely have to go out, once a fortnight, with friends, and leave your dh with the baby from now on. And do not organise anything with in laws for another six months.

Sexonlegs · 21/10/2007 20:56

Found you.

I am outraged on your behalf. What a bloody cheek, both dp and the family.

I just cannot believe they kept you no food and buggered off to lunch without you.

What were they thinking of?

I am so sorry you had such a dreadful time. x

cornsilk · 21/10/2007 21:02

I would have been furious. You are more patient than me to have put up with that for 4 days. Your dp needs a rocket up his arse.

Original poster

weepotion · 21/10/2007 21:44

dp got a rocket up his arse this afternoon. normally he is pretty good about things / heloping out etc but he really doesnt see that he done anything wrong - he feels that i put myself in that position by not leaving her on her own and coming and getting him. he has also cast up to me that i wouldnt let other people have her. no i wouldnt - not when they were all drinking / drunk.

he has gone off to work on nightshift.
i am running a bath and heading to bed. we will no doubt rehash this in the morning.

OP posts:

smallwhitecat · 21/10/2007 21:48

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Amethyst8 · 21/10/2007 21:52

Weepotion try this one.

FIL was having a huge family party for his 50th. Myself and DH and two of DH's cousins had children under the age of two. Plan that DH and PIL came up with was that I would look after all three for the evening while everyone else caroused at the party because after all there was no way that any of them could miss the party (even part of it) as they are the ones who are related to FIL........

Needless to say I refused point blank and still to this day am fighting a reputation for being "awkward".

UA most definitely NBU.

elkiedee · 21/10/2007 22:15

I feel really hurt and upset for you even reading this. The evenings sound bad enough but that they couldn't even wait to include you in the lunch, particularly as you had been asked to run an errand for them? WTF?

How about getting dp to read what you've written and also our reactions?

If I were you, I would also want the others involved to know how upset you were by the way you were treated.

MotherFunk · 21/10/2007 22:35

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MotherFunk · 21/10/2007 22:35

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