AIBU nursery want 3yo back in nappies?

[turtletum]

We started DS with potty training over a year ago. Initially went well, seemed ready at just turned 2yo. He'd have the occasional accident. During lockdown, he regressed badly, multiple accidents daily. We had other things going on too, so I'm not surprised by the regression. But 6 months on, he's still having multiple daily accidents and I'm at a loss. I've tried most things, have previously taken him to the GP to rule out infection. Nursery have now suggested putting him back into nappies, to ease the pressure on him. When wearing a nappy, he makes no attempt to use the toilet. I can see what they're saying but most things I've read say not to go back to nappies? Hes 3.5yo now.

Well they can't have one child having multiple accidents a day.

I did this with my son and then tried again two months later and he just suddenly got it!

I’d put him back in for a few months. He clearly needs them. Try again in about 6 weeks.

After 6 months I would yes. Take all the pressure and fuss off.

Normally, I wouldn't recommend going backwards with potty training, but these aren't normal times. Children often regress in times of stress. If you are generally happy with the nursery, I'd probably follow their advice

Can you get reusable pull ups/training pants - they feel wet but "catch" things so no puddles...

He's still so young - it's not unusual. Don't put any pressure on him and give him the nappies. It will all come right and there's nothing to fret about. It happens and all in good time.

Doesn't sound like hes really ready for potty training. I'd put him back in nappies and wait another few months.

I discussed this with my child’s nursery because (at first) she was having accidents, and they said no, she was fine. But assuming he’s been at nursery since September or earlier, they’ll be able to see whether or not progress is being made. If he is having regular accidents, he just isn’t quite there yet. Maybe a couple of months in a pull up would help him relax.

Thanks everyone. He was ready and doing well with potty training a year ago, so it's not a case of not being ready per se. He has regressed since lock down. I keep waiting for things to improve but I guess he's now not ready as he trying to deal with so much change and uncertainty. I've tried pull ups, training pants, no pants. Nothing really helped. I am happy with the nursery and I feel bad that they are changing him so frequently. I did think about checking again with the GP? I'll buy some nappies tomorrow.

As he’s at nursery I think you need to go with their request and provide nappies or pull ups. As he’s having multiple accidents a day they’ll be having to change his clothes and wash him multiple times. I’m sure they’ll still remind him to go to the loo frequently and sit him on it, but the pull ups just mean he doesn’t get soaked or messy.

It’s humiliating for him if he wets or soils his clothes (or the floor/cushions/rugs) much better to wear a pull up so it can be discreetly changed when he has accidents.

It’s not unusual for children to regress with potty training. When mine started school she’d been dry at night for months and suddenly started wetting the bed, so we went back to pull ups until she was dry a few nights in a row.

Regression is so common with potty training, when my DD was getting the hang of the amount of people that warned me she'd probably regress was a LOT! I'd just stick him back in pull ups until he's ready again personally

Put him in pull ups so he can use them like pants.

My ds 3.5 is exactly the same. I thought putting him back in pull ups would hinder him but the have actually helped. Seems to have took pressure of him, he shows more interest in going and sitting on toilet, even if he doesnt pee and majority of the time his pull is dry when he gets out of nursery. I let him wear pull up in nursery and then into big boy pants as soon as he gets home..he will get there

Presume he’ll have a couple of weeks off nursery for Christmas. Maybe try again whilst he’s home for a few days.

Yeah I would go back to pull ups too and give yourself time to regroup. Lots of wees/accidents can be a sign of diabetes but 6 months on I'm sure he would be showing other symptoms by now.

I’d try pants with pull ups over the top so that he still feels wet but no accidents. Is he being taken to the toilet regularly? Also definitely check in again with GP.

It's not quite the same but my little boy did really well at home so I took him to the shop where he instantly had an accident. He was absolutely mortified and from then on wasnt able to go to the toilet at all. His confidence was knocked and he was so unsure of himself. We had 3 days of peeing all over the apartment when I said enough was enough so put on pants then a pull up on top and we went out. He had an accident and noticed he was wet and uncomfortable but that other people couldnt notice and it all changed from there. He just got it. I would give him nappies back if hes peeing multiple times a day...its just not working and not doing his confidence any good everytime he pees in front of his friends.

As long as he's healthy he may just be a late bloomer of sorts. Every child develops at different rates and many children go well into early childhood relying on nappies and having 'accidents'. It's completely understandable that your LO has regressed. Ease the pressure on yourself and him for a while with nappies/pull-ups and try again when you and him are ready to start the process again. He will get the hang of it, I promise.

All of ours have been rubbish one way or another with potty training. Think its partly cause the whole thing is so boring so I dont keep up with the reminding etc that other mums seem to do!
Two out of three three of them were still in and out of nappies at 3 and a half. By 4x they had totally got it. Dont worry, yours wont be the first 20 year old down the pub still in nappies.
Three is still tiny, and the nursery likely know what they're talking about

Ahh op take the pressure off all of you and put nappies back on.

Aim to keep them on at least 2-3 months before considering trying again. You might find he asks for no nappy one day.
I would tell him they're going on so his clothes stay dry when he does a wee and leave it at that.

Honestly at my nursery 4 y olds are still struggling so I wouldn't worry. He'll get it when he's more settled bless him.

Wouldn't bother with GP unless massive constipation causing problems given you allude to lots of stress this year.

Nappies then start again when nursery feel ready if you think they are halfway decent as likely they are v experienced. Else start 6 mths pre school start?

I’d put him in pull ups you say he has regressed (quite a bit by the sound of things) so I would take the pressure off him and wait. He won’t still be in them at 15, this is a short phase. Also I’ve found that when children are stressed for whatever reason, they need to assert control somewhere and when you’re 3 you don’t have many options apart from toileting, food and sometimes sleep. I wouldn’t make a big deal of it.

Thanks all for the reassurances. I'm not sure quite what to tell him as he doesn't really like nappies/pull ups. I'm afraid that he'll see this as me punishing him for failing? It sounds like he does need a break as the accidents must be making him miserable and embarrassed.

Is it possible to buy a visibly different brand of pull ups, and to explain it as a break from the accidents?

'DS, you've been so good and tried so hard. I've bought you these special new pants for helping you to be more grown up.'

Maybe?

It doesn't sound to me as if he is going backwards to be in pull ups/nappies - if he's having regular accidents he's at that stage anyway. He's just at that stage while wearing something that will make him uncomfortable.

It's been such a rough year and I think it does show, even with little ones.