To think it’s ok that I used the accessible toilet?

[diversity101]

I was at the train station and there are only two toilets(one accessible and one small one). It was the middle of the day so the place wasn’t very busy but both of the toilets were occupied.

3 months ago I had a large baby delivered with forceps and I have been struggling with bladder control since then. When I have to go I really need to. The first toilet to become available was the accessible one so I used it. I really felt I couldn’t risk waiting another min or so.

When I walked out a man working at the station shook his head at me and said the toilets were for disabled people only.

Was I wrong to use them? I feel bad but really didn’t want to embarrass myself in public.

What a ridiculous comment from that worker! Can he magically see all disabilities, hidden or otherwise

YANBU.

I'm disabled and often need to use a disabled toilets. I don't mind them being used by people who are in imminent danger of wetting themselves as I'm often in that position myself. I bet the man who shook its head has never been in that position. Ignore him.

I would make a complaint about that man actually

I don’t think you did anything wrong. I do think there should be more than 1 disabled toilet. What happens if 2 people with a disability urgently need the use of the toilet at the same time?

@JustCallMeGriffin

I'd complain.

There are many debilitating issues/medical conditions that mean someone needs the privacy and priority of accessible toilets, very few of them have a physical indicator. Crohn's is probably the easiest to reference.

Their staff need reminding that it's an accessible toilet and that customers don't need berating if they aren't visibly disabled.

This.

He was wrong. You were right.

I have IBS and sometimes have to use the disabled toilet if that's the only one available. I don't feel bad or guilty for doing so.

And no, of course you were not being unreasonable to use that toilet.
As others have said I would make a complaint about that staff member and what he said, and make the point about hidden disabilities.

@contrmary

YANBU. Anyone can use an "accessible toilet" - let's face it, someone would have a hard time entering an inaccessible one by definition.

The rule is use the normal toilet if you can, if you can't then use the accessible one, and that includes when the normal toilets are occupied.

I tend to agree with this. If people are going to be very quick in the disabled loo and that's the only one available then I see no problem with using it, as long as people who need it are given priority.

I've seen people use the accessible loo when there has been a long queue and the accessible loo is standing empty. Seems sensible to me, as long as they don't take advantage ie take more than a couple of minutes or deny entry to someone who really needs it.

YANBU at all. That man should have minded his own business. There are so many invisible difficulties; how the hell does he think he knows who is disabled?

Good to know I’m not crazy! I think his non existent power had gone to his head.

I think many people see the signage of a person with wheelchair as the only legitimate criteria of using the loo.

It's a signage shorthand, but some people are unable to see that it is just an indicator and not an absolute.

Contact the station and suggest they need to do some staff training. You do have a medical condition that made it ok for you to use the disabled toilet. Plenty of other people will have long term hidden disabilities. If a member of staff thinks a disability is always something you can see, like a missing limb or needing a wheelchair, they need to have some training. You shouldn't need to talk about your medical conditions with strangers in order to do a basic bodily function with minimum fuss.

nope- disabled toilets are just accessible toilets- they are not solely for disabled people

out of decency, I wouldn't use it of it had people waiting for it- but I often use them if they are empty

They’re not like parking spaces , they’re accessible for disabled people, not exclusively for disabled.

And disabled doesn’t mean wheelchair user, there are loads of reasons why someone might need to use them.

They are for people who NEED to use them, wether for mobility reasons or other reason. So, not there for people who don’t want to wait, but definitely for people who can’t wait.
A parent of mine fell into the latter category, it was humiliating for them and it’s not fair to take up an accessible toilet if you don’t need it, nor is it OK to complain about someone else using it (why should anyone need to explain bladder or bowel issues to non-medical strangers in a public place?

OP, you were fine to use it.

@MaskingForIt

They’re not like parking spaces , they’re accessible for disabled people, not exclusively for disabled.

And disabled doesn’t mean wheelchair user, there are loads of reasons why someone might need to use them.

They might be exclusively for disabled people in OPs country though. She has said she is not in the UK which makes her question a bit pointless really.

There are quite a number of places round here where the only toilet facilities are in fact accessible ones. Everyone just uses them, as they should.

Several of those are cafés such as Costa and at least one is a Tesco supermarket. I wonder if this guy and others like him would think that customers in those should simply shit or piss themselves because you need a wheelchair in order to be allowed to go to the toilet.

Make a complaint.

When are people going to get it in to their heads that not every disability is visible?

I don’t think I would have been able to keep my mouth shut. I’m glad Morrisons have put a big sign on the door of their accessible toilet saying “Not every disability is visible”. For the people who STILL don’t get it. And yes I am also aiming that at the people who think they own the accessible toilet wherever they go and think they are the only ones who matter because their disability is visible. I don’t want to have to justify taking my ds in there again when I open the door

My ds has Autism. You wouldn’t think there is anything “wrong” with him just by looking at him. But he has every right to use the disabled toilets just as much as anyone else.

Make a complaint.

OP isn't disabled though and she is also not in the UK apparently. We don't know what the rules are where she is and people should remember that before jumping up and down and telling her to complain.

My dsis has ibs, when she needs to go she can't wait. I would think an accessible toilet is absolutely for people like you and my dsis.

Surely birth injuries that affect bladder and bowel function are a disability, even if they only temporary?

And even if the OP’s situation doesn’t count as such, the point stands that not all disabilities are visible and the station staff shouldn’t be making comments and trying to shame people.

You were not wrong to use them. I had pelvic radiotherapy this year and now if I have to go - I get zero notice and I literally can't hold it.

If the accessible toilet was all that was available, I'd use it.

I'm disabled but I'm not disabled around needing the loo so therefore I wait and use to normal loos.

Tbh if anyone was literally about to wet themselves, then use which every loo you like.

@Mrsfrumble

Surely birth injuries that affect bladder and bowel function are a disability, even if they only temporary?

And even if the OP’s situation doesn’t count as such, the point stands that not all disabilities are visible and the station staff shouldn’t be making comments and trying to shame people.

I don't think they would count as disability under the equality act if it's a temporary condition.

A pity you could not have come up with a reason (however false) that would have embarrassed him.