everything my mother says pisses me off

[TwigorTreat]

because she's a selfish, unthinking prat at times

god bless her

My mother tried to give 4 month old ds strawberry icecream.

When I slightly freaked out she looked at me and said, 'Oh, you are going to be one of those mothers are you?'

and

she and my father have just come back from a fortnight in Spain which is fine except they didnt tell me they were going!!

This is odd isnt it?

I wouldnt mind if they were ancient but Mum is 56 and Dad is 61 so they are hardly old!

Serendippity - am amazed that you still have any contact at all with your mother after that. You don't owe her anything.

I do wonder if this is where mothers go wrong - the belief that just because they gave birth to you, you are somehow beholden to them.

My view is that I had my children, because I wanted to, and I will look after them until they are adults. Any relationship we have after that will be on their terms, I hope. I say this now but who knows what kind of evil old harridan I'll be when they are grown-ups ...

Daphneyharvey- dp wanted me to press charges! I can say tho, that it has chaged things for the better. We talk more, and i am less "teenagery" with her. I built up an awful lot of resentment over the years, mainly because she let me know constantly as a kid that she felt i was holding her back from her life. She left to go wound the world when i was 18, and i was out on my ear.
Because she felt she could have lost me, and she easily could have done, it forced to have a reality check and she became less selfish attitude wise.
Mind you since being back on Australia, she has started droning on about dreading "conforming" when she comes home, and how how she "hates to be normal and predictable". I just hope, hope hope she keeps in mind what we have just been through.

She sounds like the Jennifer Saunders character from AbFab!

Am glad you have a better relationship with her now. You sound like an amazingly forgiving and accepting person.

I'd be tempted to tell her you have no intention of making her "conform" to family life and she is free to carry on entirely on her own terms without any need for contact with you, her child.

But that's very easy to say from the outside looking in!

My Mum can be rather like this. She actually makes you seem extremely non-judgemental, twig. She has a certain look on her face. She is jealous of my MIL but does nothing to rememdy the fact that my MIL is more ready to help/visit etc than she is. And she really thinks that my life is a doddle. The other week she was on the phone telling my how hard it was for my sister juggling a baby and a toddler (like I couldn't possibly know) and how a toddler gets bored in a doctor's waiting room (yes I know Mum because I always had to take mine, I couldn't rely on you) and how tiring it all is etc.

When we announced in 2002 that our second child was on the way, both my mum and MIL said words to the effect of "Oh, how will you cope?"
You know, not "congratulations" or anything like that.

Yep Daphney, My mother is that charachter, i've often thought the same!
No, not that forgving...just knew i'd always been wondering "if only i'd given it a last shot and had therapy, would things be different?"
Beleive me, it's not easy, Dp still wants nothing to do with her.

When i mentioned to my mum the other day that i was struggling with all my children being ill and having to deal with the shite aupair ( who is gone) she said "well I did wonder how you would cope with 6"
When I told her I was preg with no. 6 she suggested a termination, something which she flattly denies having said, but I know what she said.

Ah yes kitty when I said that I was having no 2 and continuing to work part time (so tame by your standards ) she said "you'll be very tired", but in the subsequent 3 1/2 years has done very little to help in that department. I don't mind her not helping really so long as it wasn't coupled with negative comments. She comments about my clothes (you'll get corns in those shoes) and hair (mainly regarding the colour and it's only a few highlights so hardly outrageous).

Oooh bozza congrats! do you remember me?, i used to be Cat82 we had daily contact on 2004 May babies thread at one point!

Serendippity I used to find my mum annoying but compared to yours she's a saint.

I think a mother has to be a bit annoying, or she might find her children are still living at home when they're 30.

Of course, I remember you cat. Although I had forgotten it was you when I was advising you on your other thread. But I was thinking about my own DD then, who is exactly the same age as your DD, so hopefully my advice is useful.

But no congrats - DD (who is my May 04 baby) is no 2. I just bear grudges.

Whoops, sorry Bozza! thankd for advising on other thread btw.
Elasticwoman- Good point! must start irritaing dd...

No problem serendippity. I know it is a hijack (but as a one-time May 04er herself I am sure twig will forgive us) how is DD? And how are you?

Sympathy to all of you with difficult dear mothers. My mother refused to come to my wedding. I was 21. The marriage lasted nearly 20 years and now we are divorced I think she want me to apologise for her "I told you so". .

I can't even start about the dreadful relationship I have with my mother. She thinks everything my brother does is fab and that nothing I do is ever good enough. I am never praised. She is so critical, and short and rude and negative and ALWAYS HAS TO BE RIGHT.

She's also very cold with me emotionally and physically. I bet a I was bl**dy Truman baby

I empathise with every other person in this thread. I envy people who have good relationships iwth their mothers and absolutely pride myself on being nothing like her and being determined my daughter won't either

hah hahah haha. I saw the title of this thread and thought that maybe I had started it myself without remembering. Oh yes, indeed, my mother is a very special human being. F'rinstance, she rang me from her holiday to tell me that someone she had met on holiday (who I didn't know and would never know) had just miscarried at 20 weeks. I was nearly 20 weeks, she 'reminded' me so I shouldn't relax just yet. Thanks so very much for that pearl of cheer, mum. I screen my calls now. This is a good club.

It's something I couldn't imagine, not being close to my mother. Though there are times when I want to screem and be as far away as possible, most of the time we get on fine. My nan and mum, on the other hand, didn't do so well. Her brother - my uncle - could never do a thing wrong. that expression, sun shines out of his arse.....

there are 2 types of mother. the ones that allow you to live your own life, & the ones that are painful to be around. But you only get the one. Good luck figuring this one out

Sorry to read that there's so many of us with crap mums.

Gipsymama, my mum said a similar insensitive thing to me when I was 24 wks pregnant with DD, "it's funny that you're pregnant, the Chain said you wouldn't have any children" (thankfully I didn't believe in the "chain" predicting childbearing success)

My relationship is getting worse and worse with my mother, she only sees bad in me and most of my other siblings, constantly bitches about each of us to others and is sending my lovely Dad into an early grave.

Loucee - what is the 'chain'? sounds ominous... My mum is a v Christian lady and told my dad that she considered her marriage to him 'her penance on earth'. No wonder he drinks a lot! Are we perhaps sisters??

GP - oh yes my mother also sees it as she's doing Dad a favour by being married to him, even though the rest of us think otherwise.
The chain is just holding a necklace over your hand/stomach (cant even remember, I switch off and it was when i was about 15) if it sways its a girl/boy, if it rotates its a girl/boy (again cant rember details). with me it didnt move at all but how lovely to be reminded of that when I was still pregnant.

My Dad also drinks too much to escape from my mum, I get so terribly sad about it not only for his health but because my mum doesn't drink and constantly nags/mothers him about how much/cost etc.

Sorry didn't mean to take over the thread!

Caroline1852 - it is your mother who should be apologising, since in the wedding service the words "what God has joined together let no man put asunder" refers to the wider community supporting, respecting and encouraging the relationship. If she went on the way she started, it sounds like she gave your relationship no help, encouragement, respect or support.

When my brother's marriage was rocky some years ago, my sil rang up my mum in tears, saying she couldn't take it any more. My mum and dad, who were elderly by then, took their 2 young children for the weekend (which must have been exhausting for them) to give my bro and sil time for a short break. They are still together about 10 years later.

This thread has really made me giggle and reassured me I am not alone.

My mother called me a "Pervert" for having my navel pierced and meant it.

When I told her DH and I were trying for a sibling for DS, she said "Well I think that would be a big mistake". Bearing in mind that we already had one adorable child. Just goes to show what she was really thinking of him.

First time she met DH - an avid Liverpool fan it was a Liverpool v Man match on Sky Box Office and she made him PAY her the £8.50 fee before she would order it for him. She and my Dad are not Pensioners BTW. Are pretty well off.

After an 12 hour journey to see her when living abroad she refused to allow DH and I to have a bath at her house - where we were staying because she and my dad needed to have one and she was not going to switch the immersion heater on again because it "costs a fortune".

Will stop there but could go on and on and on and on..................

Those of you who do have a bad relationship with your mother which you find difficult to deal with look at this thread.

And back to the thread...pmsl at breast milk butter.

My mother has looped the loop a few times. Talks thro the cats/dog as in (speaking in a miowing voice) 'oh your soooooo mean' or whatever. She would never accept it was peculiar and no one elses mother did it. She once thought reptiles were rodents. My dad drinks heavily...as he says its his 'medicine' to cope with her. She goes on long rambling monologues about 'oh you know mrs brown down the road? oh you do! Had the westie, she's got a gammy knee, wears that fur coat...well anyway she's just been to get her bunions done' que me banging head on table. Waits till your at the door to say 'oh can you just/will you/would you like' etc so I always allowed 20 min's extra time to escape.

You've all just described my mother. I've just had an email from her telling me I'm letting the baby rule the house "You are putting X first middle and last and she thinks she is the boss. She needs to know she is the baby!!! ( with a cot of her own) So she will cry. but babies are allowed to cry."

DD is 7 months old and my last one. We co-sleep.

Unfortunately she rang in the middle of Bringing up Baby this week and decided to watch it. She thinks babies should be put in the garden and left to cry..

What she forgets is I have already successfully raised 4 kids to adulthood and I know what I'm doing