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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to email class teacher?

84 replies

Year1Mum · 02/12/2020 21:54

My DS’s class teacher is off sick and he is missing her a lot. She has been off since Wednesday last week.
Would I be unreasonable to send her an email to tell her we hope she gets well soon? Would love to show our support and let her know how fab we think she is.

OP posts:
saraclara · 02/12/2020 22:56

To be honest, if I were you OP, I'd be telling the person who told you that a) you're uncomfortable with her telling you about the teacher's private life and b) that she really shouldn't tell anyone else.

Nomorepies · 02/12/2020 22:57

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on the poster's request

VainAbigail · 02/12/2020 22:57

No, don’t do this. It’s prying. You just want to know what’s up with her. That you already think you know it’s “stress related” says enough.

Peppafrig · 02/12/2020 22:58

Never mind if she is off with stress and your messaging telling her how much your son is missing her . It’s like your guilt tripping her into coming back sooner than she feels ready for .

LittleBearPad · 02/12/2020 22:59

Leave the poor woman be!

converseandjeans · 02/12/2020 22:59

I think it's a nice idea. I am appalled at the friend who told you the teacher was off with stress though! It might be good to tie it in with something for Christmas, so perhaps get her a bottle of wine and get DS to write/make her a nice card?

Neveranynamesleft · 02/12/2020 22:59

No definately not.

Neveranynamesleft · 02/12/2020 23:03

That should be - no definately do not email her. It's way over the top, you're not personal friends. Boundaries.

Hippee · 02/12/2020 23:07

There's a teacher at my daughter' school who has been off for over a year (serious illness, not stress-related) and my daughter makes her the occasional card to let her know that she is missing her and is still thinking about her. We take them to school in a stamped envelope and they send them on. She seems to appreciate the thought.

cansu · 02/12/2020 23:10

I really wouldn't. The friend should not have said anything about it being stress related. Knowing the kids and parents miss her adds pressure and will make her feel guilty about being off. When she is back at school, a note to say how much ds has missed her is a lovely idea but not while she is off.

saraclara · 02/12/2020 23:12

My husband had to have extended time off for work related stress (ultimately leading to him having to give up teaching, after a stellar career in it)
In those early days when he was desperately trying to get himself together and back to work as his normal self, he'd have been absolutely mortified to have had an email like that from a parent. It would be pretty clear that they had some inkling of what was wrong. And that would make it even more difficult for him to go back than it already was.

If I found out that someone we knew had told parents in his class I'd want to hunt them down. Seriously, as if life wasn't tough enough back then. I'd have felt that he'd been betrayed.

Witchend · 02/12/2020 23:16

Get the children to do a nice card and leave it at the office for her. If they think it's appropriate they can deliver it, otherwise not.

AmelieTaylor · 02/12/2020 23:17

@Year1Mum

Ahh I didn’t think of it like that, there would be no expectation to reply. I wouldn’t want her to feel pressure to reply though! A parent knows the teacher personally and has said it’s stress related (of course the parent should not be commenting on this to other parents!!!) and wanted to show that we’re thinking of her and that DS loves her
Teachers are people too & you don't need MN approval to do something nice. It's nice to know you're missed on a human level - not just because finding supply staff is a bloody nightmare!!

Put something 'obvious' in the subject so she knows it's friendly, not demanding!

Rufus27 · 02/12/2020 23:17

Why not send a get well card, via the school? That way she wouldn’t feel obliged to reply.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 02/12/2020 23:19

Nope. A previous job had me so stressed I couldn't bear the single mention of work. Sending that email would, for me, have been the equivalent of someone sending me a photo of my overflowing in-tray awaiting my return.

Let the teacher heal. And recover their full strength.

Peppafrig · 02/12/2020 23:21

*dontduckingsaycheese couldn’t agree with you more

Princess28 · 02/12/2020 23:25

The amount of crap that will be in her inbox- end of term reports, nativity (if infants), mocks (if seniors)- your email sounds lovely.
I’m a teacher- at the moment I’ll take anything positive (that doesn’t require a response!)

Viviennemary · 02/12/2020 23:31

No don't do that. It isn't appropriate.

Sunmoonstars77 · 02/12/2020 23:41

It's a lovely thought OP , you sound very kind.

caringcarer · 03/12/2020 00:03

I was a teacher for 25 years and on the rare occasion I was off sick I still emailed in work for GCSE and A level students. The other year groups had my snow lessons. I was in hospital once and got a little drop off from my Sixth Form students each student had bought me one bar of chocolate and one of them dropped them off for me at the hospital. I got an email from a students saying they had dropped off a little pressie for me at reception. I think your child's teacher would be very annoyed if she knew her friend had shared her personal medical information with parents. It is a massive breach of trust.

AIMD · 03/12/2020 00:05

I’d she is indeed off with stress related illness I would hope she isn’t checking her emails at all.

I agree you should wait until she returns and then maybe send an email/card to say you missed her and hope she is well.

EachDubh · 03/12/2020 00:06

As a teacher I think it is lovely. It's easy, as a primary teacher, to think everyone forgets who you are and moves on. Your class become your own wee school family. A well initentioned email would definitely be a bright part of the day whether off sick or not 😂

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/12/2020 00:07

Lovely thought but I think it would make me feel guilty maybe and also an obligation to return faster than I might be ready in case my absence was making the children sad / they weren't enjoying lessons as much etc. That's just me though, it's the sort of thing another person might really appreciate. You sound lovely btw Flowers

ddl1 · 03/12/2020 00:08

I think it would be a nice gesture- you don't have to be someone's personal friend to want them to get well. However, I would send the message to the school, rather than to her own e-mail. The school will know best how to transmit the message, and there would be less risk of her feeling that she is under pressure to reply.

Staffy1 · 03/12/2020 00:21

Why not, if it was me I would appreciate a nice message letting me know how fab you think I am and wishing me well.