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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Midwife not very responsive

33 replies

Meganalice · 02/12/2020 08:23

Hi everyone,

Met my midwife once, she was really nice and answered all my worries. We got on well and I also work for the nhs so we shared some work moans.

However I don’t know if she was a little “too comfortable” with me, said she’s “been doing the job 30 years she has had enough and wanted to go and work in Waitrose”. Also said “I am human and I do have days off so don’t expect to contact me 24/7”. Fair enough comment but I’m not stupid and I would only contact her during working hours.

Anyway, since our appointment I’ve tried to contact her a few times one day about some pain I had been getting and just wanted some reassurance or some advice of what to do. She never text or called me back so I called EPU. EPU advised me to monitor the pain and if anymore comes of it go to a&e as could be a sign of ectopic pregnancy.

Luckily nothing came from it and baby was in the right place when I had my scan, but I feel a bit cross with my midwife she never bothered to follow up my query. In fact, it’s been 4 days now and she still hasn’t bothered getting back to me!

Do you think I am expecting too much or her and I’m being needy or should I be asking to change midwife? This is my first pregnancy and I feel like I need some more support.

Has anyone else found this with their midwife? X

OP posts:
Sargass0 · 02/12/2020 08:27

Maybe she's on AL or sick.

SnuggyBuggy · 02/12/2020 08:30

Also she might have been on clinical duties and not able to answer the phone.

Findahouse21 · 02/12/2020 08:30

My midwife told me not to text with urgent queries, only for requests that could wait ie to change appointment times. If I wanted a response I would phone her or the main hub number because they would know if she was available. I think texting is a bit too casual

41weekswithno2 · 02/12/2020 08:30

I have a team of 3 community midwives and have never contacted them outside of appointments. I don't have their direct numbers. I have a list of phone numbers to call for different things if needed.
Is it normal to phone a single midwife like that? How would you know her shift pattern, holidays or sickness etc?

Sargass0 · 02/12/2020 08:31

Also , if she is at work she will probably have checked your notes, seen all is ok and is prioritising.

They will probably ring you to follow up once they've dealt with urgents/emergencies but if you feel you're not getting the support you need then yes -ask to change

41weekswithno2 · 02/12/2020 08:32

been doing the job 30 years she has had enough and wanted to go and work in Waitrose

This just sounds like she was making a joke.

I am human and I do have days off so don’t expect to contact me 24/7

Where did this comment come from? Had you been talking about being able to contact her?

user1493413286 · 02/12/2020 08:33

My midwife often didn’t return my calls for several days if not a week but I did have the number for the community midwife office so if I needed an answer that day I’d call them. I think that’s fairly normal for midwives and it sounds like your midwife is just a very straightforward and upfront person which might feel a bit jarring but in all honesty you won’t see all that much of her. After your first appointment the rest of them tend to be only 10-15 minutes long.

gretagreengrapes · 02/12/2020 08:39

I haven't really had anything to do with my allocated midwife, we've just spoken on the phone twice. When I had a query I called the midwife 'hub' at my local family centre and they were quite responsive, even though the person I spoke to was a different midwife. I'd try something like that next time rather than texting an individual person who might be on leave and you'd never know.

BrummyMum1 · 02/12/2020 08:48

I wouldn’t contact my specific midwife but the community team number where any one of the community midwives can answer my query. Do you have a similar number? Mine’s the phone number for the nearest birth centre.

Original poster
Meganalice · 02/12/2020 08:49

Hi everyone thanks for your advice. She said to me when we met, If you need anything give me a call or a text. Hence why I contacted her.

I work for nhs in the community and if I’m sick or on AL I would turn my work phone off, as well as outside working hours. And if I had a missed call or a text from one of my patients I would call them back or respond as soon as I could, and my patients aren’t carrying a little person inside of them. I suppose everyone works differently, this is
My first pregnancy so it’s still me working out what’s normal etc but I’ll be less needy in the future 😊

OP posts:
AntiHop · 02/12/2020 08:52

My midwife team do work in the community and in the birth centre, so they do shifts and are not always contactable directly. There is a central number to call.

AntiHop · 02/12/2020 08:54

The problem with texts is, if her phone is off, you won't know. My midwife gave me her work mobile too, but I know she can't always contact me back quickly, so I call the central number if I don't hear back from her

Bouledeneige · 02/12/2020 08:55

I ever contacted my midwife directly only the general number for the hub. How many times have you tried calling her? It sounds like you got satisfactory support so I'm not sure why you need to hear back from her.

Igotthemheavyboobs · 02/12/2020 09:01

I never contacted 'my' midwife, whenever I had any issues I just contacted the unit at the hospital.

Backbee · 02/12/2020 09:08

OP has said that the midwife said to contact her, if that isn't the process then surely she could have explained that, and given a list of numbers to contact or even just said where to phone. Yes the Waitrose thing was likely a joke, but doesn't really give much confidence if someone in a role such as that says they can't cope and don't want to be doing it. From the 24/7 comment perhaps it's policy they need to be the contact, but she was rightly pointing out that she can't always reply, but it seems like the processes aren't very clear. I had different midwives for every appointment, but some friends had the same and for continuity of care they were encouraged to phone/text their named midwife which seemed exhausting for the staff.

BucksFizzForBreakfast · 02/12/2020 09:10

I'm not sure really. I've never had this system. I was given a number for the community midwives and you ring, leave a message and they get back to you in 48 hours. If it's an emergency, there is a list of numbers on the orange notes or you can contact your GP. This has always worked fine - in fact during a recent miscarriage I was very impressed with how quickly the community midwife I spoke to sorted me out. From my first call to being scanned at the EPU was 3 hours. I think having the direct line to one midwife is probably less efficient- if she is ill/off/just doesn't see your message or whatever then you're left hanging. Also, I found antenatal care generally quite hands off- mostly they leave you to get on with it. I do agree she should have replied about the pain you had but sounds like it's a fairly crappy system, rather than being her fault.

LucozadeHasToBeOriginal · 02/12/2020 09:16

I'd just call the main number.

I do get it. My first pregnancy, I was given a pack by my GP of leaflets etc... And a number for the community midwife. She rang me, told me to text the number any time if I had an queries.

Unfortunately ended up in EPU due to bleeding and subsequently had a miscarriage. I text her to tell her as we had an appointment coming up. She never replied. But she did keep texting me about my appointment about 3 further times. I had to remind her every time that I'd lost the baby so there was no need anymore. She wouldn't even say sorry just a really blasé 'oh yes, you did tell me'. And then nothing again until I got another message. It really put me off tbh.

Thankfully the next midwife I had (who happened to be hospital based rather than community but not sure it's what made the difference or not) was absolutely fab. I can't just text her whenever but it's fine, she's made sure I've got all the numbers I may need if she's not available and the one time I did call the reception to leave a message for her she called me back when she was free and answered my question no problem.

UsernameChat · 02/12/2020 09:18

I would consider asking for a different midwife. My midwife said the same as yours - call or text her if I was worried or had any queries. She always answered.

HelplessProcrastinator · 02/12/2020 09:25

My midwife announced she’d had enough of form filling and was sick of the job and retiring early before I even sat down for my first appointment. And then she didn’t bother filling in my pregnancy notes properly. I regret not asking for another midwife as she hung on longer than expected. She wanted even give me basic info like when the hospital tour abc NHS antenatal classes were,

DappledThings · 02/12/2020 09:32

This is why I never understood the drive for everyone to have "their" midwife. It just doesn't work when people obviously don't work 24/7 and have leave or are ill. I was under the care of the midwifery team and had the number for them, tje MAU, the EPU etc at different stages.

OP I'd give up trying to use this daft 1 to 1 system and just always call a central number.

ExclamationPerfume · 02/12/2020 09:37

I had a crap midwife too. I ended up with Obstetric Cholestasis a liver condition. I rang her when I was having symptoms. She never got back to me. I ended up going to our Fetal Well Being Department and they diagnosed me. My baby could have died. I put in a formal complaint about her. I refused to have her for my second pregnancy. The one I had for my second pregnancy was lovely. She would always call back usually late at night from home.

Simplyunacceptable · 02/12/2020 09:44

I never really contacted my midwife about concerns. If I had genuine concerns I contacted the maternity unit or EPU (although they sometimes need GP referral so I’d go through GP). I only really contacted the midwife about appointment times if I needed to change it and I think I chased up blood results a couple of times.

The Waitrose thing sounds like a joke.

WhySoSensitive · 02/12/2020 09:45

I was told to contact the EPU or the women’s centre here to speak to our community team. Never told to contact the midwives direct!

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 02/12/2020 09:52

How far along are you?

We have very excellent community midwifery service here - have had 3 kids, know them well. And I know they are beyond the norm. They really don't have much time for you until 28+ weeks, but after that they make the time. I think your expectations are probably unrealistic, especially during a pandemic, there is not much they can do in early pregnancy.

Suspect the waitrose comment was just rapport, if you started with NHS moans - you can't have it both ways! And the phone - is for crisis.

If you need more support - and tbh I think we all do - it's not needy it's entirely reasonable - try for some antenatal groups, possibly a doula if you can afford it, lots of reading - and chat on here. A pal who is also up the duff - harder to find until later on - is a massive help.

Thesearmsofmine · 02/12/2020 09:57

Three pregnancies and I only every contacted my midwife once and that was to let her know she didn’t need to come to my house for a sweep as I was already in labour. I think for pregnancy concerns you are best calling the midwife team or hospital(whichever deals with things in your area). If it is about an appointment that you are due to have then contact your midwife.

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