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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be expected to go to wedding (not mine) 4 days before Christmas

49 replies

glitterchick · 20/10/2007 15:33

Long story short......DH and I decided in early Jan that we would take our 4 DC to Lapland this Dec (18-20th). IMO the cost of this trip is outrageous but we were prepared to save and cover the cost 5500euro

Later on this year my BIL and his DP decided that they were going to get married this Christmas - in fact the day after we return from Lapland! Turns out they have very tight budget and it is the cheapest week of the year to get hitched.

Now, I understand their thinking - they get the full wedding and all the trimmings at a fraction of the cost BUT, DH and I and other members of the family have to pay for flights, accommodation etc Christmas week (travelling from Dublin) - will cost fortune. Kids are not coming so I have to find someone to take my 4 DC overnight(most prob my mum) which is real pain.

Its great the're getting married and all that but PITA for everyone else. I like weddings as much as the next person but not looking forward to this - it will clean us out financially this Christmas. I know its not about me - its about them but AIBU though?

OP posts:
krib · 20/10/2007 15:35

No! Do they live in a bubble?

PeachesMcLean · 20/10/2007 15:37

no, I don't think you're being unreasonable. Weddings cost money for guests too, and the time planning. There's a REASON it's the cheapest week of the year to get hitched.

BroccoliSpears · 20/10/2007 15:38

Ahh but if THEY save money, what does it matter that it's the most expensive time of year for everyone else to travel?

YANBU.

ELF1981 · 20/10/2007 15:39

how much notice did they give you?

LIZS · 20/10/2007 15:43

Can't imagine the flights will come cheap tbh, assuming there are any available. If they knew the holiday dates and still went ahead assuming it was ok regardless then YABNU.

3Ddonut · 20/10/2007 15:43

hve they booked it all? if they start to find that people are turning down the invite they may choose to save a little longer and have the wedding at a better time?

tissy · 20/10/2007 15:45

what you've already spent on your trip to Lapland is irrelevant, IMO.

BIL will hopefully only get married once, and I bet there isn't a single weekend that is suitable for everyone, so someone will always be inconvenienced.

If you don't want to go , refuse the invitation, send a nice present and wish them well, but don't complain because their plans aren't convenient for you.

captainmummy · 20/10/2007 15:45

can't you cheat a little and tell them the date of your return is a few days later? And you can't possiby come, but send a good gift instead and see them in the new year, maybe.

Saturn74 · 20/10/2007 15:47

Decline the invitation and send them a fab gift.
You'll all be exhausted after your trip.

Pollyanna · 20/10/2007 15:49

my bil is expecting us to go to his wedding in New Zealand 4 days after christmas.

We aren't going. (we have 4 children, i am pregnant and limited funds), when we told bil he asked if dh could go on his own

If people book weddings at short notice without considering guests then they have to take the consequences imo (having said that, could your dh go over on his own for one night?)

ADragonIs4LifeNotJustHalloween · 20/10/2007 15:53

YABU. It's their wedding they're entitled to have it whenever they want. They just can't insist you attend.

tissy · 20/10/2007 15:53

my brother arranged his wedding at fairly short notice in America, (when it was going to be in the UK three months later).Fifteen of the family went, at an average cost of £1000 per person. Not surprisingly, he didn;t get much in the way of presents.

ScaryScienceT · 20/10/2007 15:56

YABU

You don't have to go if it's inconvenient.

captainmummy · 20/10/2007 16:15

pollyanna - i would send the DH for a week. I kno it's bloody unfair and inconvienient but its a compromise.

Hulababy · 20/10/2007 16:18

Not unreasonable to not go fif not convenient. TBH I wouldn't want to risk flying that close to Christmas. Have seen to many of these Airline type programmes to see people not manage to get back - Christmas being a really bad time for delays and cancellations - in time. I wouldn't risk it with young children not being with me.

kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 16:45

The week before Christmas is always really hectic, it is not the best time to travel.

Saying that, aside from the cheap wedding, I do think that Christmas weddings can be lovely. And if this is the day that they have chosen then it is unreasonable to expect them to change their plans because others do not like it.

kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 16:46

oops, too quick to post!

I meant to add, it would not be unreasonable of you not to go if it would be too much hassle

Original poster
glitterchick · 20/10/2007 17:27

Elf1981 - We knew in March that it would be sometime in Dec. Date was confirmed early October - so had been unable to book anything. PITA.

3Donut - Everything booked. Maybe I am being a maniac and everyone else is happy about this except us?

Tissy - Well thats me told!

Kindersurprise - We told them to fire ahead and have the wedding without us. Have reassured them that they totally have to suit themselves - its their big day. My DH is best man so they moved the date forward a day so we could be there.

All in all I feel sorry for my BIL - he will have no relatives/friends from home because of closeness to Christmas and cost involved - not sure if hes aware of this yet. I know my MIL is v upset that she feels she can't ask anyone. I guess it is unimportant to them - so long as they have each other .

OP posts:
BrownSuga · 20/10/2007 17:32

no. i went to my dm's on the other side of the world, there's was nye, most exp time to go, and we'd just booked trip to india. in hindsight i felt guilty so went but should have listened to ny head and said no esp as had just been out thr the decmbr b4. now we r waiting a few yrs b4 going out again to recover the cost, unfair to us as we've just had a ds and he'll have to wait to meet his cousins & g/dad & they, him.

do what's best for you.

kindersurprise · 20/10/2007 17:35

It will be sad for your BIL not to have family there, but when you live in a different country, you do get used to missing family occasions.

I have missed loads of parties/weddings/christenings as they have been at a time where we could not get over to UK.

nappyaddict · 20/10/2007 17:41

i think you are being unreasonable. when i get married i want get married xmas eve. i think you are allowed to be selfish in having what you want on your wedding day.

shocked xmas week is the cheapest week though. would have thought the opposite.

nappyaddict · 20/10/2007 17:44

however if they already knew the dates of your holiday i think they are being unreasonable booking it for that day.

pollyanna - don't know what's so shocking about him asking if just his db could go though.

Original poster
glitterchick · 20/10/2007 17:49

I agree with you nappyaddict. I think you are allowed to be selfish - it is your big day - but your guests reserve the right to be hacked off and selfish also especially the ones that live abroad and are expected to pay a considerable amount of money on travel and accommodation costs so close to Christmas while trying to source babysitting.

OP posts:
Original poster
glitterchick · 20/10/2007 17:51

Ok nappyaddict - responded to your post before I read the second one. My post was prob a tad snotty .

OP posts:
MotherFunk · 20/10/2007 17:52

Message withdrawn

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