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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Crying tired child

35 replies

Frieswithanythin · 02/12/2020 00:02

Popped into my local b and m after work today for cat food. We are in Scotland tier 4. A couple with a young boy approx 3, cried and had a tantrum all round the shop. A high pitched scream. Why didn’t one parent take the child out to the car?? I could even tell that the lady at the till was annoyed. I’m not blaming the child but come on, people need a word with themselves.

OP posts:
IChing · 02/12/2020 01:10
Hmm
Casschops · 02/12/2020 02:02

Maybe the child had been shut in thr car for ages and parent didn't want to be shut in the car with them. Kids cry people need to get over it.

reginaphalangeeee · 02/12/2020 02:16

Maybe they don’t have a car? You’ve no idea of their circumstances or why they where both there, try being less judgmental.

RLGGG · 02/12/2020 02:26

This could have been me with my son in b and m last week and the lovely staff and other customers were extremely helpful and kind. It was lovely and reassuring as the biggest surprise I've found about parenthood is how judgemental people are, both known and strangers. If they'd have left the child locked in the car having a melt down they would have been judged, if one parent had been left to deal with said meltdown alone they would have been judged, they happened to take their child with them into a large store and they had a melt down and there's a whole thread about them on Mumsnet...ConfusedHmm

BoudiccaD · 02/12/2020 02:41

Yanbu.

JessieR2386 · 02/12/2020 02:51

Children cry and have tantrums. One well known technique to deal with them is not to give the child special attention due to the tantrum... Perhaps he was tantruming because he didn't want to be in b&m ( I feel his pain). If that is the case the worst thing you can do as a parent is to give into his demands as it will teach him that tantrums are effective.

Society is full of families, mostly trying their best. Those of us who don't have screaming children to deal with should consider developing some empathy and understanding for those that do.

Frannibananni · 02/12/2020 03:48

Yes children tantrums and cry but FFS don’t keep dragging them round the shops, take them somewhere quieter and comfort them. And don’t say maybe they needed to do the shopping, there were 2 parents there. That’s just lazy asshole parenting.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 02/12/2020 05:08

This was my Dd (who is also a threeanger) about an hour ago!
Lost her shit about being asked to put leggings on before we left (they weren’t the exact matching blue shade which was a huge deal obviously and it wasn’t raining and why wasn’t it raining cue huge rage sob) and screeched ALL the way to school to pick up her sister then stomped ALL the way home (it’s 3 blocks) trying to crush my hand in her puny little hand.

It was a fun 20 minutes.

Normally she’s great.
Then she was not and now she’s playing happily like it didn’t happen.

Sometimes you just have to get stuff done.

Little kids are a mess of emotions, lack control and my god I’ve wanted to meltdown in the supermarket at times and I’m a grown arse adult. (I haven’t ever promise)

Spud13 · 02/12/2020 05:12

At the moment shops are asking people to shop alone due to covid, your right no reason for the child to be in the shop at all...... Only single parents should have children in shops.

flaviaritt · 02/12/2020 06:53

Sometimes you have a child who tantrums often and you need to get the job done. It’s not exactly like they’re in there for hours screaming, is it?

AlwaysCheddar · 02/12/2020 06:58

Just take the child out ffs. Yanbu.

Ponoka7 · 02/12/2020 07:00

Do you know that they had a car?

I babysit for a child of that age who has autism. He can get overwhelmed and can be upset while shopping. This has escalated because of lock down. The answer isn't to remove him, but continue with exposure.

Did you see what they bought? Were they choosing paint/Christmas decorations etc together? Were they definitely Mum and Dad? My DD shops with her boyfriend, but he isn't at the stage were he is left in sole charge of the children and he can't shop for her.

Terriblecreature · 02/12/2020 07:06

As a mother of a toddler, who tantrums, I don't agree with u OP or the other posters saying the child should be taken outside. Personally the quickest way they will get over a tantrum is if u don't acknowledge it and get on with what you are doing. I had a similar situation in b&m not too long ago with my LB. The people in the shop were lovely and asking me to go in front of them in the queue but never would I leave a shop because of it. Of course if I was in there with my husband he would probably take my little boy out of the shop due to embarrassment. I don't get like that when I am on my own though. People need to realise children cry and have tantrums x

Original poster
Frieswithanythin · 02/12/2020 07:17

I have two children, dealt with tantrums. But when there are two adults walking casually round the shop looking at toys and decorations when their young child is whining and crying. Knocking things down, touching things, throwing things around no it’s not on. One of them could have taken the child out as they could see even the staff were getting annoyed. Yes they did have a car. It’s totally a different situation if your in the shop alone with a young child having a meltdown.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frieswithanythin · 02/12/2020 07:23

Today 06:53 flaviaritt

Sometimes you have a child who tantrums often and you need to get the job done. It’s not exactly like they’re in there for hours screaming, is it?

I understand that but if there are two of you walking casually round the shop with a trolley full of non essentials and your child having a bloody tantrum it’s common curtsy to take the child out till he calms down. The lady at the till says they have been in for over an hour and they have had to listen to the child. It’s a totally different situation if your on your own. I’m not talking about a silly little tantrum here, it was a full high pitch scream.

OP posts:
Monty27 · 02/12/2020 07:28

No need for 2 adults with one child in b&m as far as I'm concerned.

Cheeeeislifenow · 02/12/2020 07:33

People don't parent how you do, nobody is injured, everyone is fine. I don't get your outrage really. Let the small things go..

Original poster
Frieswithanythin · 02/12/2020 07:33

Not in a middle of a tier 4 lockdown anyway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frieswithanythin · 02/12/2020 07:37

heeeeislifenow

People don't parent how you do, nobody is injured, everyone is fine. I don't get your outrage really. Let the small things go..

Fair enough, everyone parents differently but it’s common decency to withdraw your child from the situation. They could see other people were getting agitated. You weren’t there you never saw the or heard this child. It’s only manners.

OP posts:
flaviaritt · 02/12/2020 11:12

I understand that but if there are two of you walking casually round the shop with a trolley full of non essentials and your child having a bloody tantrum it’s common curtsy to take the child out till he calms down. The lady at the till says they have been in for over an hour and they have had to listen to the child. It’s a totally different situation if your on your own. I’m not talking about a silly little tantrum here, it was a full high pitch scream.

The child screamed full-blast for over an hour? Unusual child.

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 02/12/2020 11:20

I’m with you op, why does the entire store have to be subjected to noise disruption just because the person making the noise is a child. He had two adults with him, therefore one or both should have made an effort to remove the child, who was clearly distressed in his current situation.

Brmmbrmmm · 02/12/2020 11:35

I highly imagine the lady at the till was exaggerating about it being over an hour, yet even if she wasn't what a judgemental twat.

I've been in shops and heard kids having tantrums, yes most people would either abandon what they need to get done or at least try to get it done quicker but there are times that people need to go into a store and if they have to take their whiny tantruming child then so be it. I've had to do it with mine and will no doubt do it in time to come.

The only thing that is unreasonable is like you say 2 adults in the shop together during lockdown and of course there may be a reason for that too, not everything is as it seems.

LD22020 · 02/12/2020 11:38

Maybe they were in together as they don't have a care and need to carry it all back.

I have a child who is prone to screaming meltdowns. We just power on through.

Marzipan12 · 02/12/2020 11:46

How do you know they had a car? I've been in that situation with a child, tantrums are not always down to tiredness. Life goes on, it carnt stop because a 3 year old has a tantrum . In that situation I continued shopping because if I had given in to every tantrum it would make tantrums happen more often due to the child wanting and expecting their own way. That my friend is parenting not pandering to a tantrum more than likely not caused by tiredness.

TheDowagerDuchess · 02/12/2020 11:54

I agree, if there were two parents it would make sense of one to take the child out for a walk around a block.

In a tier 4 lockdown you’d expect only one parent to go to the shop in the first place.

Single parent alone with child, obviously completely different.