My dad died and family want Xmas together.

[Tierednfrustrated]

So my dad sadly passed away the beginning of this year, and we are facing our first Christmas without him.

Naturally, this time of year has stirred up all kinds of emotions as we approach Christmas day.

The problem? My siblings (2 sisters) want us all to a big family Christmas day meal with our mum, but I really dont want to and I feel bad. I know I sound heartless, but we haven't 'done" Christmas day as one big family for many years since becoming adults. It's not so much that we dont get along, but rather that our families combined are rather large, and it's never been practical etc. My sisters each have children, and I am a single parent of two. I'm used to a much quieter Christmas and it fills me with dread being with them all at the same time (they're a rowdy bunch at times).

Am I wrong to say no, not this year? And if not, what is a diplomatic way to tell them without hurting their feelings?

Or, am I terrible if I don't do this?

@Calmandmeasured1

Why do people say it's illegal?

Households:

1. OP's household.
2. Sister 1's household.
3. Sister 2's household

The OP's mum is now alone so could bubble with any one of her children's households.

This. It’s not illegal @Tierednfrustrated. I can’t imagine saying no for the sake of one day, especially if it’s likely to cause an ongoing rift. You never know, you might enjoy it. I bet your children would.

@Tierednfrustrated

So I told my family I wasnt going. They're all mad at me.

Is your mum bubbled with any of you?

LET them be mad, it won’t change how you feel. You have an absolute right to choose what you feel is right for you.

Stop listening to these people

Covid is a good enough reason, except they will still most likely guilt trip me as its un usual circumstances with dad dying. And they will think that is important enough to bend the rules slightly.

You do not need to use Covid. Ditch that approach because it weakens your resolve.

It is more than unusual your Dad dying. That's all you need to know. And if it is important to you to do your own thing this Christmas, how you want to, then just do it. You can spend time with your mother on 27th December or 11th January for that matter and do your day then.

You are never responsible for making other people feel the way they do. Quietly ignore that bullshit, but do it with inner confidence because you are in control.