Private schools dilemma - can anyone help?

[loulou3311]

I’m in a bit of a pickle and am hoping some of you wise Mumsnetters will be able to help!

I have one daughter who will be starting primary school next year. We’re hoping to move house before that happens in order to reduce our mortgage (it’s just about affordable at the moment but we don’t have much cash left over for anything else - we’ve not taken a holiday in five years for example).

The problem is, I’m so confused about schools. Where we are currently is not good on the secondary school front (the one she would go to “requires improvement” according to Ofsted) and I know it’s eight years away at the moment, but it really worries me.

There are however several private schools in the local area that are very good and offer a number of bursary places. DH and I couldn’t afford to send DD there on our salaries, but if she were to get a bursary it would be a different matter.

My question is - how difficult is it to get a bursary to a good private school in London? I’m imagining it must be extremely competitive and therefore the chances of her getting into one are very slim. But if she were to get in it would obviously be a fantastic opportunity.

So the dilemma is, do we stay in London, send her to primary school here and continue paying the very high mortgage so we can keep the (slim chance that she could get a) bursary option open, or do we move somewhere like Kent before she starts primary school, where we’d have more disposable income and therefore a better quality of life, but probably no private school option for DD?

Does anyone have any advice and what would you do in our position? I’m so confused and really want the best for my beautiful DD!

Hi OP I live in London and my 13 year old goes to a private school.
The bursary is very very hard to get so I wouldn’t base anything decision on this. There are some great state schools but to be honest I am glad ds is not in any of them I would move out before sending mine to a London state school.
Which will go against many opinions on here but 🤷‍♀️

I’m confused as to why you think private schools wouldn’t be an option in Kent?? They’re not exclusively a London thing.
I live in one of the poorest areas of Kent, with some parts among the poorest in the U.K.
There are three thriving private schools within walking distance of my house.

My kids attend private school and I work in a different one. I would say EASILY 35/40% minimum at both schools I know are kids from families who have sold a property in London and moved here to usually much bigger houses, enabling them to afford to pay for school as well. Probably closer to half.

But bursaries are usually meant for families already attending the school but who find themselves suddenly unable to find the fees due to unemployment or bereavement or something.
They’re not given as much to new starters because otherwise everyone would be eligible, in theory.

Or, they are given to exceptional children who will benefit the school academically or musically or on the sports field, for instance but couldn’t otherwise usually go.

I know a child from a single parent family, grew up in a council flat, state school primary head noticed she had a talent for a particular sport, suggested she try for a bursary. She got in, and is now at 19, in her particular sport’s England training pool, and being geared towards the Olympics.

But the reason I know of her is because she’s exceptional, not the norm.

It’s a massive expectation from your four year old that she will be at that level at the exact right time.

And besides, many, many private school kids don’t shine. They’re just normal kids who happen to be in a position where their parents can decide where to send them. Fortunate doesn’t equal academic.

In my experience, roughly 10-15% of private school children are autistic, several more have other similar conditions, just like state schools.

I would definitely weigh up all the options, you will probably find a good private school in Kent that she will thrive and be happy at, but if you’re pinning a 4 year old’s future on a bursary, that won’t end well.

@Icecreamsoda99

Kent has some great schools including state schools. It's been said many times on these threads not to send your child to private school unless you can afford the lifestyle that goes with it - extra curricula and trips abroad.

Absolutely not my experience at all.

I worked in state for nine years before I worked in a private school.
The state primary I worked in at one point had 63% pupil premium.

We had three kids off in one class at the same time for separate holidays to Florida, (one who goes every year for the same two weeks) parents turning up in top of the range Land Rovers, kids who owned ponies.
Obviously they were the exception but the divide was massively apparent.

The divide in private is less. Yes, there’s “the rich kids”, but then there’s kids like mine who live in a modest terrace, go camping once a year and only wear Primark. But mine never think about what others have , they appreciate everyone is different. Several of their friends have massively complicated home lives, mine are, I think, pretty stable and happy and that’s the main thing.

I think it’s easy to assume private school kids will be jealous but most I know appreciate they’re lucky to have what they do, not constantly worrying about what they don’t have.

My relative has a sports bursary for private London secondary. She got it for net ball which she had only taken up a few months before parents applied. She always naturally loved gymnastics and ''performed'' cartwheels etc whenever she could! She has to go to school - which is an hour's journey by public transport alone - at 6am one day a week to practice. She has just turned 13. Not all roses.

Go for quality of life over access to private school. Live somewhere that would make you and your child happy and get her settled in a primary school that you like. Private school does not realistically sound achievable for you and it's not always the better option for child. Many children thrive in a local secondary school with good support at home.

I’d move to an area with good state schools. Definitely don’t count on getting a bursary/scholarship. They’re very hard to come by and at 4 you really have no idea of your child’s future talents and abilities.

My friend investigated applying for a bursary place at the private school my kids go to. They go into your finances in forensic detail. Forget about what you have to reveal for a mortgage- it's way way more invasive. Plus your child would need to be worth it to the school too - not only have excellent grades but maintain them.
Any decent private school in London is competitive - 10% entry rate is not uncommon -otherwise why would someone pay the fees? There are good state schools in London - if you wanted to stay you could move to the catchment area of one. I imagine the same about Kent.