Sons eating habits

[yorkshirepuddddiiing]

Not an AIBU but i don't tend to get much response elsewhere. I am really anxious and hoping for some reassurance, positive stories, tips, advice, anything really!

My son is 3 and potentially autistic though he is yet to be assessed. His teachers seem to be in agreement that he almost certainly is and I am inclined to agree.

I'm so stressed and worried about his eating habits.

He still drinks a lot of milk and prefers this over food. I always try and persuade him to eat food before milk but meltdowns and lack of communication/understanding make it very difficult. I don't want to make an issue out of milk when it is the most nutritious thing he has.

Best case is that he will eat a few bites here and there of things like dry cereal, toast, sandwich, pizza, chips, nuggets, very occasionally apples and strawberries, crackers, breadsticks. Very plain and not nutritious.

Worst case days are that he will only drink milk.

He is putting on weight as expected for his age, is wearing age 3-4 clothes that fit well. He looks healthy, clear skin, bright eyes, gets plenty of sleep and full of energy.

I know a child with autism really can be a force to be reckoned with especially where food is concerned so I don't like to push the issue too much with him. I don't ever let him see my stress and worry. But I can't shake this feeling that long term he is making himself unhealthy and it could potentially cause problems down the line with his health.

I am trying to look on the bright side and think of the bigger picture, he is doing well with toilet training, his language is improving and he has settled into school nursery well.

Eating just doesn't seem to be getting any better, worse if anything!

Does anyone have any similar experiences or ideas that might help me?

Bump

The foods he’s eating (generally dry, crunchy, plain) are foods children with sensory issues often prefer, but that’s not cut and dry. He is covering most of the food groups and as you say seems well. I would however introduce a good multi vitamin, either vitamin drop or gummy sweet. Any chance you can get him to drink fruit juice? Or smoothies (frozen into ice lolly moulds may help.)
It’s tricky with the milk, like you say it’s full of nutrients. That said it will be filling him up lessening his hunger for food. I’d try reducing a bit. Offering less frequently, smaller amounts or diluting with water.
The biggest thing is to play it cool, it will mean acting opposite to how you feel but try not to make food a big deal. Present new foods along side favourites. Leave lots of different things out in little bowls and let him see people helping themselves.

Thank you so much 😊

Can you add liquid multi vitamins to his milk?

My DS has ASD and has a very limited diet. He drank lots of milk until around 5 and still has milk in a bottle at night even though he is 10. He is under the dietician and is healthy and a good weight. He has vitamin spray. He will only eat his safe foods and I can’t see that ever changing, I have forced myself to get used to it because I can’t do anything about it. I have tried everything, just try to ignore judgemental people. All those who say “no child will starve themselves” and “they will eat when they are hungry enough”, they don’t get it. Now my boy is older I’ve watched him try to eat new things and he literally can’t keep them in his mouth, even though he wants to try it. It’s difficult to explain the sensory issues around texture to people. Good luck OP.

Thanks again those who have replied it means a lot.

He does have a multi vitamin but even that is becoming an issue he has suddenly taken a dislike to that so i will look into liquid vitamins!

I think I do need to accept it for now. He is very stubborn and there is no way he can be made to do anything without causing extreme distress.

I will try to gradually introduce new things by leaving things around for him to pick at if he wants to try. That's a great idea.

I have tried to reduce milk and always encourage
Food first, but when he hasn't eaten any food atall I don't like to make an issue of it not only because of the meltdowns but because it is the most nutritious thing he has.

I have a 3yo DD, no additional needs but the diet you described could pretty much be exactly what I would write about hers.

She would live off milk if allowed, obsessed. Every food is dry, bland & beige.

I do worry, but like you say she is in the right size clothes seems to have energy etc. No, it’s probably not the most nutritious diet!... But food is tricky isn’t it? You don’t want to create my problems by pushing it 🤷🏼‍♀️

I have no suggestions, just to let you know you’re not alone

Username- thank you really helps just to hear from others going through similar

Join mealtime hostage on Facebook. It has loads of relevant advice and support from parents in similar situations.

Often MNers start fretting threads about how "few" foods their small one eats. They post a list of those eaten foods, that never mentions junk like biscuits, cakes, soda drinks, sweets, chocolate, crisps, ice cream, squash, chips* (even though I suspect all of those should usually be included). The OP wrings hands about how terribly inadequate the (long list of healthy) foods are that their child eats.

*tbf, this OP does mention chips.

I get to shrug because I would have CRIED WITH JOY if my son had eaten such variety at the same age as gets routinely listed on these threads. I cannot relate to you. You have no idea what having a fussy child is. And neither do I, arguably -- I know (non autistic) kids who eat/ate far less than mine did.

DS is now almost 13 & eats a pretty varied diet (allowing for long list of "no way on Earth" foods). He's a good cook too. Not autistic.

I hope you find a way thru your difficult period, OP. Is best I can give you.

Look at you tube sensory processing difficulties and food. Every child/person experiences will be different. You know your child best.

It's great he is a good weight and healthy.
I always think distraction by tv is a good way to feed kids! Obv no one else agrees with me but it worked for us. Different circumstances here though.
At least there was fruit on your list and tomatoes in the pizza. Could also hide other good stuff in the pizza. Sainsbury's sell those ready made.

Hi OP. I had a very limited diet when I was a kid and was obsessed with milk, too. I have changed very little and I'm now middle aged and am embarrassed to still eat very few foods. I just can't bear the texture of many foods and start to retch. Sometimes even the smell of certain foods knocks me sick. I often feel overwhelmed by it all but I know I can't change it completely now.

I hope that you're able to help your son, OP, so that he doesn't end up like me.

@lljkk

Often MNers start fretting threads about how "few" foods their small one eats. They post a list of those eaten foods, that never mentions junk like biscuits, cakes, soda drinks, sweets, chocolate, crisps, ice cream, squash, chips* (even though I suspect all of those should usually be included). The OP wrings hands about how terribly inadequate the (long list of healthy) foods are that their child eats.

*tbf, this OP does mention chips.

I get to shrug because I would have CRIED WITH JOY if my son had eaten such variety at the same age as gets routinely listed on these threads. I cannot relate to you. You have no idea what having a fussy child is. And neither do I, arguably -- I know (non autistic) kids who eat/ate far less than mine did.

DS is now almost 13 & eats a pretty varied diet (allowing for long list of "no way on Earth" foods). He's a good cook too. Not autistic.

I hope you find a way thru your difficult period, OP. Is best I can give you.

At no point did I say I was dealing with the worst case of a difficult eater. There is also no hand wringing here.

You have no idea what every day life is like for him and how hard it can be where eating is concerned.

Yes he will eat sweets, chocolate etc but that's not something I even considered was relevant as I was asking for help and advice for improving his diet. I was simply explaining what he will eat on a good day that makes a 'meal'.

@wouldthatbeworse

Join mealtime hostage on Facebook. It has loads of relevant advice and support from parents in similar situations.

Thankyou!

@ArranBound

Hi OP. I had a very limited diet when I was a kid and was obsessed with milk, too. I have changed very little and I'm now middle aged and am embarrassed to still eat very few foods. I just can't bear the texture of many foods and start to retch. Sometimes even the smell of certain foods knocks me sick. I often feel overwhelmed by it all but I know I can't change it completely now.

I hope that you're able to help your son, OP, so that he doesn't end up like me.

Thank you for sharing this I'm going to do my best to help him x

@Cuddling57

It's great he is a good weight and healthy. I always think distraction by tv is a good way to feed kids! Obv no one else agrees with me but it worked for us. Different circumstances here though. At least there was fruit on your list and tomatoes in the pizza. Could also hide other good stuff in the pizza. Sainsbury's sell those ready made.

Thanks!

We have tried many things including watching tv. It depends on his mood really, sometimes he will watch and eat sometimes he completely ignores the food.

@lljkk

Often MNers start fretting threads about how "few" foods their small one eats. They post a list of those eaten foods, that never mentions junk like biscuits, cakes, soda drinks, sweets, chocolate, crisps, ice cream, squash, chips* (even though I suspect all of those should usually be included). The OP wrings hands about how terribly inadequate the (long list of healthy) foods are that their child eats.

*tbf, this OP does mention chips.

I get to shrug because I would have CRIED WITH JOY if my son had eaten such variety at the same age as gets routinely listed on these threads. I cannot relate to you. You have no idea what having a fussy child is. And neither do I, arguably -- I know (non autistic) kids who eat/ate far less than mine did.

DS is now almost 13 & eats a pretty varied diet (allowing for long list of "no way on Earth" foods). He's a good cook too. Not autistic.

I hope you find a way thru your difficult period, OP. Is best I can give you.

And in addition I don't think the list I provided was 'a long list of healthy food'

Our eldest used to drink shedloads of milk. As he got older his hunger really started to kick in and I started being much stricter about what he could fill up on (he would have chosen a handful of chocolate digestives every time). Meant he didn't limit himself to just one "real" food (which is what I was worried about).
From about 8-9 onwards (when I could reason with him much better) I would insist he ate one mouthful of whatever we had before he got what ever it was he would compromise on. The tantrums could be epic. Went on for years with him slowly slowly accepting that this was what he had to do and the drama stopped. Around GCSEs hunger kicked in further and we started pushing the quantity of what we were eating more. Obviously still had big issues (would spend ages pushing food around his plate / complain of sore throat / gag / go in the bathroom and make himself sick). We largely ignored it (though sometimes dh would blow and shout at him to eat somewhere else). We spent a lot of time talking about how there was nothing wrong with the food / him and how we felt it was a result of his fear. Over time he calmed down and he will now (6th form age) eat whatever we have. Now trying to educate him on how to cook a healthy meal so that he continues when he leaves home
Guess that mumsnet phrase of "this too will pass" applied.

llijk Op hardly posted a long list of nutritious foods. She listed 9 foods 3 of which are basically bread, I dont see how your DS could have eaten far less than that and you still know DC who ate far less than him? Plus OP is concerned her DS is autistic. Its not fussy eater top trumps

OP. I think whilst its obviously not ideal milk is pretty nutiritous, theres protein, fat and plenty of vitamins. By default milk is design for the growing child and he is sounds healthy from what youve described. I too would be inclined to accept the milk. I think slowly introducing/trying other foods is a good idea. Start with foods quite similar to what he'll already eat. He clearly doesnt like mushy or saucy foods so start with dry or crispu textures. Work with what you know he will eat

With a few swaps (burgers instead of nuggets, satsumas instead of strawberries), that list looks very very similar to what my autistic son will eat.

I was out of my mind with worry when he was younger, but the GP and Paediatrician reassured me that as long as he was growing well, and the intake of calories was OK, that it really wasn't a problem. We used to give him children's vitamins which we called "Juicy Chews" which he would take without too much fuss. I think they may have come from Holland and Barrett? Not sure now.

He's 16 now and has widened his diet a little but is still very restricted. He's healthy though, a good weight and 5'10 (possibly slightly taller).

What I would say is, be very cautious about "hiding" stuff in his food. We tried that with DS and only succeeded in putting him off something he would eat. It took weeks for him to eat it again. Never again!

@yomellamoHelly

Our eldest used to drink shedloads of milk. As he got older his hunger really started to kick in and I started being much stricter about what he could fill up on (he would have chosen a handful of chocolate digestives every time). Meant he didn't limit himself to just one "real" food (which is what I was worried about). From about 8-9 onwards (when I could reason with him much better) I would insist he ate one mouthful of whatever we had before he got what ever it was he would compromise on. The tantrums could be epic. Went on for years with him slowly slowly accepting that this was what he had to do and the drama stopped. Around GCSEs hunger kicked in further and we started pushing the quantity of what we were eating more. Obviously still had big issues (would spend ages pushing food around his plate / complain of sore throat / gag / go in the bathroom and make himself sick). We largely ignored it (though sometimes dh would blow and shout at him to eat somewhere else). We spent a lot of time talking about how there was nothing wrong with the food / him and how we felt it was a result of his fear. Over time he calmed down and he will now (6th form age) eat whatever we have. Now trying to educate him on how to cook a healthy meal so that he continues when he leaves home Guess that mumsnet phrase of "this too will pass" applied.

Wow you've had it tough over the years. Well done you for persevering it's not easy at all.

Thanks for sharing x

@DishRanAwayWithTheSpoon

llijk Op hardly posted a long list of nutritious foods. She listed 9 foods 3 of which are basically bread, I dont see how your DS could have eaten far less than that and you still know DC who ate far less than him? Plus OP is concerned her DS is autistic. Its not fussy eater top trumps

OP. I think whilst its obviously not ideal milk is pretty nutiritous, theres protein, fat and plenty of vitamins. By default milk is design for the growing child and he is sounds healthy from what youve described. I too would be inclined to accept the milk. I think slowly introducing/trying other foods is a good idea. Start with foods quite similar to what he'll already eat. He clearly doesnt like mushy or saucy foods so start with dry or crispu textures. Work with what you know he will eat

Thank you you put it better than me replying to that post.

The potential of autism makes it very different to fussy eating. And either way I'm not trying to compete with anyone over who has it harder.

@DanielRicciardosSmile

With a few swaps (burgers instead of nuggets, satsumas instead of strawberries), that list looks very very similar to what my autistic son will eat.

I was out of my mind with worry when he was younger, but the GP and Paediatrician reassured me that as long as he was growing well, and the intake of calories was OK, that it really wasn't a problem. We used to give him children's vitamins which we called "Juicy Chews" which he would take without too much fuss. I think they may have come from Holland and Barrett? Not sure now.

He's 16 now and has widened his diet a little but is still very restricted. He's healthy though, a good weight and 5'10 (possibly slightly taller).

What I would say is, be very cautious about "hiding" stuff in his food. We tried that with DS and only succeeded in putting him off something he would eat. It took weeks for him to eat it again. Never again!

Yeah I don't think I could try hiding things he is very switched on and knows straight away if something is amiss!

Thank you for your reassurance!