Sons eating habits

[yorkshirepuddddiiing]

Not an AIBU but i don't tend to get much response elsewhere. I am really anxious and hoping for some reassurance, positive stories, tips, advice, anything really!

My son is 3 and potentially autistic though he is yet to be assessed. His teachers seem to be in agreement that he almost certainly is and I am inclined to agree.

I'm so stressed and worried about his eating habits.

He still drinks a lot of milk and prefers this over food. I always try and persuade him to eat food before milk but meltdowns and lack of communication/understanding make it very difficult. I don't want to make an issue out of milk when it is the most nutritious thing he has.

Best case is that he will eat a few bites here and there of things like dry cereal, toast, sandwich, pizza, chips, nuggets, very occasionally apples and strawberries, crackers, breadsticks. Very plain and not nutritious.

Worst case days are that he will only drink milk.

He is putting on weight as expected for his age, is wearing age 3-4 clothes that fit well. He looks healthy, clear skin, bright eyes, gets plenty of sleep and full of energy.

I know a child with autism really can be a force to be reckoned with especially where food is concerned so I don't like to push the issue too much with him. I don't ever let him see my stress and worry. But I can't shake this feeling that long term he is making himself unhealthy and it could potentially cause problems down the line with his health.

I am trying to look on the bright side and think of the bigger picture, he is doing well with toilet training, his language is improving and he has settled into school nursery well.

Eating just doesn't seem to be getting any better, worse if anything!

Does anyone have any similar experiences or ideas that might help me?

@lljkk

Often MNers start fretting threads about how "few" foods their small one eats. They post a list of those eaten foods, that never mentions junk like biscuits, cakes, soda drinks, sweets, chocolate, crisps, ice cream, squash, chips* (even though I suspect all of those should usually be included). The OP wrings hands about how terribly inadequate the (long list of healthy) foods are that their child eats.

*tbf, this OP does mention chips.

I get to shrug because I would have CRIED WITH JOY if my son had eaten such variety at the same age as gets routinely listed on these threads. I cannot relate to you. You have no idea what having a fussy child is. And neither do I, arguably -- I know (non autistic) kids who eat/ate far less than mine did.

DS is now almost 13 & eats a pretty varied diet (allowing for long list of "no way on Earth" foods). He's a good cook too. Not autistic.

I hope you find a way thru your difficult period, OP. Is best I can give you.

Another competitor in the “my life is shitter than yours” olympics.

Another competitor in the “my life is shitter than yours” olympics.

There's just no need is there. The poster could have used her experiences in a more positive way 🤷🏼‍♀️

My 15 year old is still the same now with exactly what you've described including the milk. Only difference is he's never put fruit or veg in his mouth once in his life. Has a condition so sees a consultant once a year who said he's the picture of health. I wouldn't worry

Have you heard of ARFID? May be worth looking in to, it often goes alongside autism and although it’s complex at least it helps you understand. There is a great group on fb of likeminded parents.

Ds has a extremely limited diet. For us any sort of force or even gentle encouragement has always backfired for us.

People will tell you to try to remove the milk or other helpful information but I wouldn’t touch anything that is safe for him. The fact he is still gaining weight and heathy is a sign that he is getting what he needs out of his diet

My son is 2 and very similar, we are also looking at an ASD diagnosis.

He loves milk too.

I keep trying to subtly tweak the things I know he likes and add some variety to them. Such as he eats homemade pizza on a tortilla so I add tiny tiny chopped veg. This doesn't work with his dry rice, if something is in it he just won't eat.

No huge advice it's really hard!

We use liquid vitamins in his milk

Just let him eat what he wants but keep offering options. On a separate plate if he's autistic.
I ate pancakes, spaghetti with butter, dry cereal, and ham sandwiches as a kid. My mum just rolled with it, literally making fresh pancakes every evening.

I slowly started eating more foods in my own time and have a varied diet now. There are still some food textures I cant handle that set me back though.

If you add pressure you'll make it worse.

Our son started SEN school still drinking high-cal formula milk and eating baby purees. Although he barely ate from them, paying for school dinners was worthwhile as he would sit watching his peers eat food, and that encouraged him to try. His S&LT told us that he wouldn't still be on milk and purees by the time he was 10 ... and he wasn't. The baby puree stayed on his menu untl his 10th birthday as a reassuring factor, but he has slowly increased the range of food that he'll eat, and shows a marked preference for a carnivorous diet

We decided not to make food a battle-ground; there are so many difficulties in an autistic child's life, and so many battles for the parents to fight (education, social care). We had to have some peace somewhere. So long as he was eating breakfast cereal with milk daily, any other food was a bonus

@Sirzy

Have you heard of ARFID? May be worth looking in to, it often goes alongside autism and although it’s complex at least it helps you understand. There is a great group on fb of likeminded parents.

Ds has a extremely limited diet. For us any sort of force or even gentle encouragement has always backfired for us.

People will tell you to try to remove the milk or other helpful information but I wouldn’t touch anything that is safe for him. The fact he is still gaining weight and heathy is a sign that he is getting what he needs out of his diet

Thank you I've not heard of it but I will definitely have a look!

Milk is his most nutritious thing so I am so wary of making an issue of it.

Thank you so much to everyone who is replying with advice and reassurance it really is helping me to decide how to progress and to be calm about it.

You're doing really well. [Flowers]

Will he only eat certain brands/types of the foods you've mentioned? I wonder how he would be with small changes to them - hide veg in the pizza sauce, homemade nuggets, home baked bread etc?

Do you use visuals with him? How about having set times that you offer milk, with clear visuals of what time, maybe timers that go off, with a countdown for him to watch? Just continue to make other foods available to him at all times. How is his hand control? Would/could he help you in the kitchen, chopping different fruits/soft vegetables etc? If he sees you popping something in your mouth, it could interest him?

Mine have always had issues with food, but 15 year old has made huge progress and will try new foods now (though lunch is strictly the same meal every day). 12 year old seems to be going backwards just now, pretty much cheese toasties, and pasta 'n' sauce.

Don't worry about the milk. I have had my - incredibly similar - DS at the (NHS) nutritionist and she was supremely unbothered by his milk intake. She also told me that drinking milk with his meals wouldn't affect his feeling of satiety, ie it doesn't make them feel full till later on, so to crack on. She also said to keep him on full fat milk for calorie reasons and because the vitamins are more readily available in full fat?

Things that worked for us:

• think laterally. Breadcrumbs are your saviour. So if he likes nuggets, why not try breaded fish? Then, after time (a LOT of time!) you can try sprinkling home made breadcrumbs on top of things rather than buying breadcrumbed food, which means you can have very similar meals for the whole family just with a judicious bread-crumb sprinkling. Rinse and repeat with other foods he likes.

• you don't mention ketchup, DS is obsessed with it. I hate it because it's pure sugar but again have learned to accept it. It's the thing that makes a lot of other things acceptable.

• family service where he controls the amount of food on his plate works really well. Again, thinking laterally, we do a lot of things like chicken or fish with wraps, with chopped veg on the table, spicier condiments for me and DH, so it's easy to vary it. This is also a great meal if DS has friends round.

• always have one thing he'll like on the plate if you're trying something new. And do keep trying new things, just keep it low key.

• at least once a week, feed DS with whatever he likes then have a takeaway/or whatever kind of food you love with DH. It's important to give yourself a night off.

Oh and pick your battles. DS is now 15 and has taken exactly the same packed lunch to school since he was 5. We also have a very limited repertoire of lunch classics and he eats the same breakfast every single day. We only ever experiment or try to push him further at dinner - ain't no-one got time for a breakfast battle and the sensory trouble of school means I feel it would be actively cruel to expect him to try a new food there. Also he'd just bin it and I'd be none the wiser

@LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett

Don't worry about the milk. I have had my - incredibly similar - DS at the (NHS) nutritionist and she was supremely unbothered by his milk intake. She also told me that drinking milk with his meals wouldn't affect his feeling of satiety, ie it doesn't make them feel full till later on, so to crack on. She also said to keep him on full fat milk for calorie reasons and because the vitamins are more readily available in full fat?

Things that worked for us:

• think laterally. Breadcrumbs are your saviour. So if he likes nuggets, why not try breaded fish? Then, after time (a LOT of time!) you can try sprinkling home made breadcrumbs on top of things rather than buying breadcrumbed food, which means you can have very similar meals for the whole family just with a judicious bread-crumb sprinkling. Rinse and repeat with other foods he likes.

• you don't mention ketchup, DS is obsessed with it. I hate it because it's pure sugar but again have learned to accept it. It's the thing that makes a lot of other things acceptable.

• family service where he controls the amount of food on his plate works really well. Again, thinking laterally, we do a lot of things like chicken or fish with wraps, with chopped veg on the table, spicier condiments for me and DH, so it's easy to vary it. This is also a great meal if DS has friends round.

• always have one thing he'll like on the plate if you're trying something new. And do keep trying new things, just keep it low key.

• at least once a week, feed DS with whatever he likes then have a takeaway/or whatever kind of food you love with DH. It's important to give yourself a night off.

Thank you that's really helpful

*You're doing really well.

Will he only eat certain brands/types of the foods you've mentioned? I wonder how he would be with small changes to them - hide veg in the pizza sauce, homemade nuggets, home baked bread etc?

Do you use visuals with him? How about having set times that you offer milk, with clear visuals of what time, maybe timers that go off, with a countdown for him to watch? Just continue to make other foods available to him at all times. How is his hand control? Would/could he help you in the kitchen, chopping different fruits/soft vegetables etc? If he sees you popping something in your mouth, it could interest him?

Mine have always had issues with food, but 15 year old has made huge progress and will try new foods now (though lunch is strictly the same meal every day). 12 year old seems to be going backwards just now, pretty much cheese toasties, and pasta 'n' sauce.*

Thank you for replying

He isn't fussy about brands he likes ketchup but can take it or leave it.

I don't think visuals or timers for milk would work he's only just 3 and doesn't have great understanding of things like this yet. If he wants milk he wants it NOW

Will definitely try more home cooked variations of things he likes and seeing if he would like to help in the kitchen .

Many speech pathologists are wonderful and working with kids with food issues, sensory issues etc - may be worth chatting to one experienced in this area?

Also, please try not to feel too guilty. It sounds like you are a wonderful and caring Mum.

@BritInAus

Many speech pathologists are wonderful and working with kids with food issues, sensory issues etc - may be worth chatting to one experienced in this area?

Also, please try not to feel too guilty. It sounds like you are a wonderful and caring Mum.

Thank you that means a lot.

We started speech and language therapy recently and food came up as an area of concern so I am on a waiting list for some with sensory processing.

Some support *