To ask if someone can talk me through nap times?

[HenrysHome]

Confused and tired first time mum here. I have a 9 week old little boy who just refuses to sleep during the day, although we’ve been working on a bedtime routine and this seems to be working well. At the moment I try to stay conscious of his wake windows and look for his sleepy cues, as well as following eat, play, sleep. But it can take 20-30mins of pacing and rocking or sling time to get him to sleep and then as soon as I sit down or try and put him down anywhere he’s awake. Same with the car or the pram. Am I meant to be napping him in his cot upstairs? Is he meant to be napping at specific times? Help!!

I've got the same problem op. I'm a mixture of dairy cow and mummy bed but I really néed to DO something, anything! Currently trying the huckleberry app to see if it helps...

Google fourth trimester. Your babies have had nine months of being used to sleeping/being awake whilst moving. It takes time to adjust x

I'm just telling you what worked for me and this isn't the case for all babies.
From what I remember, at that age mine were on 4-5 naps a day.
So wake up, stay awake 1.25-1.5 hours, then nap. The first nap of the day is usually short and the last one is usually a bit longer but they can vary.
Aiming for 15-18 hours sleep including night sleep.
He is very young at 9 weeks. Don't stress too much.

Oh gosh, 9 weeks is still so tiny. Don't beat yourself up about bedtimes yet! At 9 weeks I think DD was still basically just sleeping whenever she happened to fall asleep, if that was on me or someone else then she either remained on us until she woke for a feed or she was gently placed in her pram which was in the living room so we could keep an eye on her. Cot naps weren't until she was a bit bigger.

We didn't really try and get her to nap, she would be getting cuddled and naturally jiggled around or in her bouncy chair (lifesaver cos it takes very little effort with a foot to keep it gently bouncing) and she would drift off if she was tired.

Bedtime was non existant and I think she was well over a year before we started making an effort on that, up til then she would usually be put into bed around 1am and sleep til 7/8am. But that was after a few naps. Once we cut out a 6pm nap time she got a more regular bedtime routine.

Focus on eating, keeping yourself well, and resting. 9 weeks is a very short period of time in the grand scheme of things.

I've worked with babies for a very long time and I can tell you the reason your baby won't sleep is due to overtiredness, there's no other reason. From birth until around 10w babies need to sleep every 2 hours, so ideally around 1.5h mark start winding baby down into a less stimulating environment, white noise, sleeping bag etc so encourage good sleep associations.

From 10w you can start to encourage a more solid routine of 3 naps a day.

Morning around 8:45 for 1h(ish)
Lunch nap around 11:45 - this should be the longest nap, minimum 1.5h but ideally 2-3 hours. It'll take a while for baby to start linking sleep cycles in this nap so it's totally normally to have to resettle regularly in this nap, whatever it takes to get baby back to sleep (rocking / cuddling etc is ok at this age) just whatever it takes to resettle until they eventually link sleep cycles themselves.
Afternoon cat nap 4-5pm, 20-60 mins depending on how they slept at lunch. This is purely to get them through to bedtime.

It does sound regimented but I think you'll be surprised how naturally they fall into this routine without much effort on your part. And yes at this age they should be having all sleeps in their cot in a dark room, ideally with white noise and a swaddle sleeping bag as these are all sleep associations and will help baby to understand when it's time to go to sleep.

The main barrier to sleep at this age is allowing baby to get overtired. Day sleep feeds into night sleep so if you get day naps sorted you're half way there. But most of all, be kind to yourself. It won't happen overnight but if you put the effort in and encourage good sleeping habits it will get better I promise. Best of luck.

It's a tiny bit early yet, but if you have a safe garden or balcony I highly recommend training babies to nap outside in the pram - if you have an actual proper weatherproof pram which not everyone in the UK seems to. They sleep way better outside, especially when it's a little bit cold (you must dress them well of course and have a good sleeping bag) and it's easier to relax inside and get on with things when you're not worried about waking the baby.

You do it by dressing your baby up for being out in the pram and taking him for a little walk up and down the road or around the garden until he goes to sleep, then park the pram in the outside nap spot. Eventually the baby starts associating this with nap time and will get sleepy quicker and quicker. Move on to putting the baby out in the pram in the nap spot and just wiggling/rocking the pram until he falls asleep. Soon enough you just have to dress the baby, pop him out in the pram and say 'bye bye, have a nice nap' and he will doze off by himself.

We started the process at 3 months and they napped out in the pram until they were about 2 and a half years, always long restful naps. We would actually have to wake them up quite often because they otherwise they would nap too long. I was sceptical of outside naps but I'm in a Nordic country and this is how it's done here, so I tried it and am fully converted. I always recommend it to all my UK friends but they never do it. They're missing out!

I know it's a stressful time as you're exhausted but unfortunately for most babies, day time routines take a long time to get into. Our DD (now 5 months) has had a bedtime routine from about 2 months (bath at 7, upstairs into her pyjamas, bottle, story and then into her cot) she now self soothes to sleep on a night.

We're still working on a day time routine, don't get me wrong it's much better than at 9 weeks, but it's not as precise as night time. There's so much more going on during the day to distract them and no 2 days are gonna be the same where as night time is easier to control.

Keep going, you'll get there!

Please do be aware that the current guidelines are for baby to sleep in the same room as you for at least six months (day and night). Some advice posted here seems to be suggesting that the baby be left alone (although I may have misinterpreted what's been written). I'm not criticising parents who decide to do things differently....but it is a good idea to know the current safety guidelines so that you have all the information and can make an informed decision for yourself.

As for a routine, as a PP said, babies at a few weeks old are in what is known as the fourth trimester. Wanting/needing to sleep on their parents in the earliest time of their life is a completely normal physiological and emotional process. It does get easier! Meanwhile, have you tried a sling? This works wonders for many parents.

I am really at my mom here baby wakes every 2 hours at night and won’t settle unless in constant motion I am too exhausted to keep pacing or driving or pushing I just want half hour to myself on the sofa with a hot cup of tea whilst baby naps

Hes too young for routine really. At that age they just nod off in your arms/the pram/the bouncy chair/the sling and the naps are mostly short - there might be like 30 minute naps a day.

I found structure & longer naps kicked in more from about 4 months, when mine would nap for 1.5h at about 9am, then another nap at about 12.30, then a little cat nap at about 4.even that wasmt very consistent until more like 6m.

Currently sat on a park bench in tears having had to put him in the sling and power walk around to get him to go off. He’ll be awake in five mins once he realises the motion has stopped and then the whole process starts again ad infinitum until the bedtime battle begins and then a broken night I just can’t do it any more

Can your partner help at night at all?

My little dude didn't really nap during the day in the traditional sense for the first few months - he was just a cat napper, would fall asleep on me for a bit but usually woke if I tried to pop him in his basket so I could get a cuppa lol! I could get things done with him in a sling or baby carrier as he would nap in there with me walking about, or I just had to let him nap on me. As he got bigger I started trying to put him down for a proper nap at lunchtime which I think we cracked around 4 or 5 months maybe? But it just took time.

He does he’s very good with him to be fair but we have a tiny house with paper thing walls so if he’s crying I can still hear him, even through earplugs

A few things babies this age often like:

• vibrating bouncy chairs (you can bounce with your foot while you drink your tea)
• white noise (find long recordings on YouTube to play)
• swaddling

I don’t mind him napping in the sling or on me but the problem is he wakes up as soon as I stop moving or sit down and I’m physically exhausted from walking and pacing trying to get him to stay asleep his nap length is literally determined by how long I can keep moving for

You are in the worst bit tbh. It does get better but you have to just try and stick it out, do whatever you can to get some sleep - tag team with your partner as much as possible (feeding permitting if bf)

Have you tried going for a drive (if you have a car) and then sitting in the car with the engine running?

He won’t be put anywhere we have a swing and a rocker he just wakes up and cries no matter how deep a sleep he’s in. He screams blue murder if he’s swaddled but we do have white noise for night

He will sleep in the car as long as it’s actually in motion the engine just running doesn’t cut it!

Also you need to get them sleeping longer than 20 minutes to enter a deeper phase of sleep where they wont wake if you stop walking.
So set off. Start a timer when baby nods off. Keep walking for at least another 20-25 mins, then stop - you may find they will carry on sleeping for another half hour or so.

Try a dummy?

I’ve only skim read. Are you getting him down soon enough? They can only manage about 90 minutes awake at that age. It goes quickly. If you miss it you might have an overtired mess on your hands.

OP, do you have the wonder weeks app? I'd also suggest downloading it as from memory he's also going through a developmental leap which affects sleep.

The one around 10-12 weeks was the worst for me and I remember asking DH to take him out for an hour so I could just sob to myself.

It does get better. Please don't put yourself under too much pressure to fall into a routine. I got obsessed with the 9am nap, 2 hours at lunch time, catnap at 4.30 which most sleep programmes suggest and my son NEVER fell into this. He also only started sleeping for more than 30 mins at around 6.5 months.

I wish I had more solid advice but I can only suggest to do whatever you need to and don't feel at this age he needs to be able to self settle or anything: feed to sleep, sling sleep, pram sleep (have you tried a rockit?), baby swing sleep - doesn't matter how they get there!

You're doing great and it will get better!

And seriously do try the 20 minute thing. You have to stay holding them till they are asleep at least 20 minutes before you put down.