To ask if someone can talk me through nap times?

[HenrysHome]

Confused and tired first time mum here. I have a 9 week old little boy who just refuses to sleep during the day, although we’ve been working on a bedtime routine and this seems to be working well. At the moment I try to stay conscious of his wake windows and look for his sleepy cues, as well as following eat, play, sleep. But it can take 20-30mins of pacing and rocking or sling time to get him to sleep and then as soon as I sit down or try and put him down anywhere he’s awake. Same with the car or the pram. Am I meant to be napping him in his cot upstairs? Is he meant to be napping at specific times? Help!!

He has a dummy, I time my motion to put him down 20 mins after he drops off and I start prepping him for a nap around an hour after he wakes in the morning

Sorry I don’t mean to sound contrary I’m just desperate, he’s woken up again so I’m doing another lap of the park

An hour after he wakes might be a bit too soon now. Try stretching it 1h 15

He’s just an overtired miserable mess at the moment, feel like such a failure

Get yourself an adult rocking chair or Swiss ball to sit on and have the baby in a carrier. Minimal effort to keep the nap going. Or you can buy a vibrating thing to attach to the pram to keep it moving while you sit down. Or a bouncy chair which you move with your feet. It's hard but you get through it. Good luck.

Ok I’ll try extending the time I hold him for a bit longer, thanks

I think an element of your issue might be expectations. It really is incredibly tough but alas they often just dont sleep long at this age. Its actually much harder than the first few weeks where they sleep quite a bit without much effort.

Hand hold OP - my first was like this and it did break me. You aren't doing anything wrong. Some babies are like this.

Have you got a rockit? It clips to the pram and keeps it moving so baby thinks you are still moving. What about a electronic baby swing? That also worked sometimes.

I know how brutal it is. Can your partner take baby in a sling for a bit?

I have a vibrating thing but he won’t be fooled by it! A bouncy ball might be an idea though!

He hates the swing won’t be put in it asleep or awake x

I have been there, crying and walking around the park. It’s so hard. I found that nothing at all worked for my son (who is nearly 3 now). No white noise, or training, or timing. And now I look back and wish I’d just given myself an easier time instead of thinking it was something I was doing wrong or not doing. Small babies really really like being with their mothers. Some are more willing to be put down to sleep than others. I wish now I’d just done what gave me the best rest, at that age, which would have been feeding him to sleep in my arms and putting the tv on and getting a drink and some snacks to hand, which is what I ultimately started doing about a year and a half later and finally started getting a rest! He naps and sleeps perfectly well now. Don’t let people scare you about rods and backs and things. Some babies are just really unkeen on the cot/bassinet and so on.

Does he nap on you? Could you settle yourself on the sofa with lots of cushions?

I completely agree with @BarryFromEastenders. Sometimes you just need to roll with it.

I don’t mind the napping on me part that bits the nice but it’s the fact that he doesn’t stay asleep unless I’m walking around my downstairs. The instant I sit down to settle in for a cuddle/ nap he wakes up and cries

9 weeks is still really little and not many babies have much semblance of routine yet. I had the same problem as you, in that whilst everyone else's baby happily napped in pram etc. mine would do so only as long as I was pushing, or he slept in my arms only as long as I was swaying/bouncing/patting. Eventually I realised that I couldn't do this forever, and so he needed to fall asleep without the motion so that he wouldn't jerk awake when the motion was taken away (lots of annoyance, tears and frustration before I realised this though!). They're all very different, and everyone has different styles but what worked for us was:

• Stick with the bedtime routine. It might seem a faff at first but it pays dividends ten-fold in the end. I needed my evenings back to myself for my sanity! When DS was a tiny baby he'd be down for the night by 7:30pm - but in those early days, the bedtime routine probably started at 6pm with bath etc. as it took coaxing from me to help him drift off. Dreamfed DS at 10:30/11pm - this carried on until he was about 7/8 months - kept him full so that he could carry on sleeping soundly most of the night. I tried to wake him up at 7am everyday, to try to encourage naps at the right times throughout the day.

• Day naps: I found naps took a bit longer than night to settle, but that was just my DS and they're all different. Start to wind down about 30mins before they will naturally want to be asleep. DS would get overtired (which didn't necessarily look like what I thought overtired would look like!) so I really had to keep an eye on the clock and actively wind him down at the right time. At 9 weeks I probably suggest leaving baby to play about 1.25 hours before winding them down. DS napped so much better when swaddled, so we got one of those special velcro swaddle blankets and used white noise. He also was stimulated easily, and seemed to prefer the dark for sleep so didn't nap for nice long stints if he was in the lounge with me, curtains open and TV blaring - I used to pop him in his moses basket in our hall with blinds down.

@MummyOfZog

9 weeks is still really little and not many babies have much semblance of routine yet. I had the same problem as you, in that whilst everyone else's baby happily napped in pram etc. mine would do so only as long as I was pushing, or he slept in my arms only as long as I was swaying/bouncing/patting. Eventually I realised that I couldn't do this forever, and so he needed to fall asleep without the motion so that he wouldn't jerk awake when the motion was taken away (lots of annoyance, tears and frustration before I realised this though!). They're all very different, and everyone has different styles but what worked for us was:

• Stick with the bedtime routine. It might seem a faff at first but it pays dividends ten-fold in the end. I needed my evenings back to myself for my sanity! When DS was a tiny baby he'd be down for the night by 7:30pm - but in those early days, the bedtime routine probably started at 6pm with bath etc. as it took coaxing from me to help him drift off. Dreamfed DS at 10:30/11pm - this carried on until he was about 7/8 months - kept him full so that he could carry on sleeping soundly most of the night. I tried to wake him up at 7am everyday, to try to encourage naps at the right times throughout the day.

• Day naps: I found naps took a bit longer than night to settle, but that was just my DS and they're all different. Start to wind down about 30mins before they will naturally want to be asleep. DS would get overtired (which didn't necessarily look like what I thought overtired would look like!) so I really had to keep an eye on the clock and actively wind him down at the right time. At 9 weeks I probably suggest leaving baby to play about 1.25 hours before winding them down. DS napped so much better when swaddled, so we got one of those special velcro swaddle blankets and used white noise. He also was stimulated easily, and seemed to prefer the dark for sleep so didn't nap for nice long stints if he was in the lounge with me, curtains open and TV blaring - I used to pop him in his moses basket in our hall with blinds down.

All excellent advice and I'd agree with pretty much 100% of it

Gosh that's sounds hard work.

A couple of simple things to try because you never know. If he is in the spring and wakes when you sit down try patting his bottom for quite a bit rather than getting up again. And other thing to try if he has a dummy in is tapping the dummy with your fingernails, I think these both produce vibrations which some babies respond well to.

Best tip I got was to do the first feed of the daytime (7am ish usually although if you're in the UK this could be more difficult) in sunlight even though it's horrible getting up at that time after a night of no sleep. Then in the evening during the cluster feeding let the lights go down naturally with the sunset. Then do all evening and night feeds as dark as you can. If you're breastfeeding then you need your melatonin cycle strong because the melatonin passes over in your milk and if you're formula feeding it will take a bit longer but baby is primed for when their own melatonin cycle kicks in.

The friend who recommended this to me has great sleepers and my son is pretty good unless something like teething or a regression etc throws him off. No idea of this actually helped or if it was just luck. But if it doesn't work it does no harm either, I'm responding to my baby as I would want to be and if the melatonin stuff helps its a plus!

Thanks for your advice everyone! The last three or so hours he just hasn’t gone to sleep at all just constant screaming with his eyes closed

It sounds like you’re not struggling with the baby’s naps per se but with what’s required to help the baby have them. My first needed constant motion as well and it is exhausting but doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. I could tell one of my friends who had a baby at the same time thought I was mad, then she got a baby like that second time round and understood! My DD wouldn’t go in her pushchair or a cot for naps until she was around 4 months and even once she was happy in a pushchair it had to be moving for her to have a nap in it. So at the stage you’re at all naps were in the sling and you had to keep moving. Bouncing on a birthing ball was a saviour for me. At least then I could sit down and have some rest of a fashion, watch some tv and eat while she slept, as the ball gave her the motion she needed. It’s super hard to have one that needs constant movement, I used to look at women sitting on a bench with a coffee while their baby napped beside them in such envy. And with my subsequent two I hoped so much that they wouldn’t need all the movement, as I couldn’t see how I’d do it with a toddler in tow. Thank goodness they were much easier!

@HenrysHome appreciate this is an old thread, but did things get better with your little one? I have a 13wo who can only be fed to sleep or needs constant motion (same as you, I can't stop or sit down otherwise he wakes up).

Hoping for some light at the end of the tunnel!

Hi @Calphurnia88 ! Yes things did get better, he's 21 months now and and still a bugger for sleep though. I did pick up put down with him around 6 months for nap times, which eventually worked at getting him to nap in his cot, it was painful though! He's still rubbish at drifting off on his own so I tend to shove him in the pram and do a lap of the block for naps, he will at least stay asleep when it stops now!