Washing up your own bowl but ignoring the sink of other items. Selfish?

[WheresMyMask]

I've been up with DS since 5.30am, about 8.30
I filled the sink with hot water to wash up the various plates and cups from last night, DS was screaming around my legs to be picked up (clingy and teething) so to prevent the crying waking DH or the others, I picked up him and didn't manage to wash up.
DH rolled out of bed at 9, made some breakfast, took the empty bowl to the sink when he was finished and washed his bowl up in the sink, ignoring everything else.

I couldn't ever imagine washing my own item up and ignoring all the other washing up that was created not by me but all members of the family.
There wasn't loads, two small plates two glasses, two mugs and a couple of tea spoons.

AIBU to feel a bit wtf?!

Totally selfish! Next time you all eat,wash up yours and dc and leave his!

It seems really petty but it really pees me off.

What did you say to him?

Was he apologetic or defensive?

He was being selfish, unthinking and quite a twat!

You say 'others' so he also made himself breakfast and did nothing for other kids, you etc!

Tell him from me to get his head out of his arse and to have a look around him... what is his family doing without him?

My DH uses all of far more pots and pans than I do when cooking, even when making something relatively simple.he very rarely washes up or clears up afterwards.if he does he'll just wash up whatever pan he needs for his next culinary experiment meal.

I said to him that the washing up doesn't sit in the water because I'm lazy. It's because I don't get the chance to wash it up. I said I couldn't imagine having two free hands and only washing my own bowl up.

Then he said ok, and started slamming around the kitchen putting the dry washing up away, crashing the plates together, slamming the cupboard doors.

He can be horrible arse in the mornings.

In this context most definitely yes. Something like a shared student or office kitchen I'd say no.

He sounds like a dick. YANBU. Make him do the washing up every morning if you're looking after DC.

Do the same when the child wakes at 5.30! Your “D” H sounds like an arse

I'd ”forget” to make him lunch when I made mine and the children's’. Selfish sulky manchild.

He sounds very immature, having lived with someone like this I feel for you. Next time don’t worry about waking him up

Next time, carry the screaming child to his father, and before shutting the bedroom door on the pair of them, just say you can either wash up or comfort the child, so since he clearly thinks washing up is your job, calming the child is his.

I think you'd only need to do it once. 😉

What a selfish arsehole.

Next time, dump screaming child on him at 5.30am with a cheery “now I can do the washing up, I know how much you hate it!”

In all seriousness, your “D”H sounds like a twat. Even if he’d ignored it at the time because he couldn’t be bothered (fair enough, we’ve all done it at some point); to start slamming things around when asked to wash the rest up is not on.

I'd tell him if he didnt want live as part of the family then he could fuck off and live somewhere else.

Does he ever get up with the baby?

I don't know, I think seeing a sink full of washing up that someone else had started, most people would have just added theirs to the sink.

But this clearly isn't about washing up.

Get a diswasher

@WheresMyMask

I said to him that the washing up doesn't sit in the water because I'm lazy. It's because I don't get the chance to wash it up. I said I couldn't imagine having two free hands and only washing my own bowl up.

Then he said ok, and started slamming around the kitchen putting the dry washing up away, crashing the plates together, slamming the cupboard doors.

He can be horrible arse in the mornings.

He can do his own washing up after he's cooked his own meals.

Selfish, thoughtless arse.

@WheresMyMask

I said to him that the washing up doesn't sit in the water because I'm lazy. It's because I don't get the chance to wash it up. I said I couldn't imagine having two free hands and only washing my own bowl up.

Then he said ok, and started slamming around the kitchen putting the dry washing up away, crashing the plates together, slamming the cupboard doors.

He can be horrible arse in the mornings.

Tell him he's an arse! He needs to grow up!

@BecomeStronger

I don't know, I think seeing a sink full of washing up that someone else had started, most people would have just added theirs to the sink.

But this clearly isn't about washing up.

My DH would do it even if he thought I’d already started it. He has a habit of leaving random things unwashed but it’s because he doesn’t see them. He’s not just doing his own and leaving the rest. I would be mightily pissed off if he did.

OP, your husband sounds like a knob.

Next time your kids crying at 5.30am, everyone's in bed, and you need do washing up, just take kid upstairs, give him to DH and tell him "sorry, can you look after him, I need to do the washing up otherwise it won't get done".

Houseshare/bedsit mentality springs to mind. That's actually frigging foul, selfish and completely pig minded.

@BecomeStronger

I don't know, I think seeing a sink full of washing up that someone else had started, most people would have just added theirs to the sink.

But this clearly isn't about washing up.

Isn't it?! What is it about then?

Um, the fact that he's "a horrible arse" in the mornings and you're the one who's been up since 5:30, at a guess

I'd say it's about the washing up, but nice bit of psychoanalysis there @BecomeStronger 🙄.

@WheresMyMask it gives me the rage when this happens. It's my teen who commits the crime, when asked to wash up, they wash up their items only.... Never mind that I wash, cook and clean for us All!

The parent actively caring for a child is allowed to leave dishes if needed. The parent who has not been caring for a child should wash all dishes as soon as the opportunity arises.