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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be fuming or am I overreacting

36 replies

CrotchBurn · 28/11/2020 16:18

Fully prepared to be told to get over myself.

So its saturday, in lockdown, so me and dp are just lounging at home in pyjamas.

Doorbell goes, some bloke standing at door smoking a fag. Turns out it's a mate of DPs who just decided to rock on up unannounced. WTF!!!!

DP them disappears to garage with him to have a beer.

He comes back in and asks me if I will steer one of the cars he's fixing while he and friend push.

I say no. Immediately feel bad. Now two hours later friend is gone.

I feel bad I didn't help with the car :-(

At the same time I feel really irrationally pissed off and I cant figure out why.

Have I just been a sulky bratty bitch here? I'm still pissed off. And also feeling guilty. Has coronavirus made me mean?

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2020 16:20

Why were you so put out? Are you really worried about Covid?

Personally I’d have helped and am always polite to guests. I am not overly paranoid about Covid though.

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 28/11/2020 16:21

No I'm careful but I'm not worried about covid 🤷‍♀️ I dont know why this made me so angry 😔

OP posts:

AlbusSeverusMalfoy · 28/11/2020 16:24

Would you of felt like this if it had been a friend of yours? Would he? Do you not like the friend?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 28/11/2020 16:25

I think we're all turning into hedgehogs hibernating in our dens - anything beyond a delivery driver ringing, dropping and running is intrusive

Odd that he didn't call or text in advance, but apparently didn't expect to come in to the house. Possibly overreacting.

Brighterthansunflowers · 28/11/2020 16:27

YABU Unless there’s a massive backstory it seems a very extreme reaction to a friend of your DP coming over!

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 28/11/2020 16:28

I think if he was lounging on the sofa in his dressing gown and a mate of mine just turned up he'd find it annoying, yes. I also would. I just see it as a bit of an invasion of privacy, but I get people feel differently about it.

This particular friend is constantly ringing him, like five or six times in a row. Also Ive been a bit fed up of DPs cars lately, again probably irrationally, but he takes on mates cars and then takes ages fixing them, theres always something I have to help with, or always some kind of problem, and it just irritates me (this mate wasnt coming around because of his car btw, just dropping in).

OP posts:

Womencanlift · 28/11/2020 16:31

You always get a split on MN of people who are happy with people dropping by unannounced and those who think people should give warning.

Personally I think it’s rude to turn up to someone’s home without checking with them first so for that YANBU

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2020 16:32

To be fuming is such a big reaction though.

I’m not sure anyone can decide why you’re being a bit cunty because his mate turned up and they were fixing a car op.

Feedingthebirds1 · 28/11/2020 16:33

me and dp are just lounging at home in pyjamas

At the same time I feel really irrationally pissed off and I cant figure out why.

One, because you were no longer able for the two of you to just lounge around. The friend took that away from you, without asking, even if DP was happy about it.

And two, possibly because (if I've read the timeline right) it was the afternoon and you were still in pjs. Nothing wrong with that, it's your house and your day, but some people me, cough, cough can still feel a little uncomfortable. One half of me's saying sod it, nothing to do with them, and the other half's wondering what they're going to think.

Di11y · 28/11/2020 16:40

Well people aren't supposed to be popping in, you can exercise with 1 other. I'd be unimpressed too.

Bourbonbiccy · 28/11/2020 16:44

I don't like unannounced guests, I like to be ready to see people and not just descended on.

I wouldn't turn anyone away (in normal circumstances) but I don't like it.

My DH had a friend call around last week, he arranged his drop by, they went outside and had a 10 min chat and he went. Everyone was happy.

You sound like you are more annoyed with the cars DH keeps acquiring in order to do work on, where does he keep them or is it One at a time in the garage.

Providing DH was socially distanced and kept away from his mate I would've probably been ok and if I could have stayed out of his way, I would have helped with the car. But I think there is a lot more you are annoyed about.

SeasonFinale · 28/11/2020 16:48

Why is everyone missing the point that we are in lockdown so can't have anyone round whether announced or unannounced?

Original poster

CrotchBurn · 28/11/2020 16:51

I think a major thing is I'm jealous. I'm jealous that his people are local so he is constantly popping in to see people (all with "valid" pretexts of course) and I cant because my people require further travel to see.

So I acted like a bitch because I'm jealous. He sees people two or three times a week, meanwhile except for the occasional work related outing I am only communicating with mine by whatsapp etc.

Jealousy is such an ugly emotion. But I guess jealous is what I am!

OP posts:

ShalomToYouJackie · 28/11/2020 16:55

I'd be pissed off if someone turned up at my door uninvited without telling me beforehand, lockdown or not

Bluntness100 · 28/11/2020 16:59

Why can’t you arrange stuff and travel op?

akerman · 28/11/2020 17:01

I’d have been really pissed off. I hate unexpected visits, but also, it’s lockdown. It puts everybody in a really awkward position. Could he not have waited 5 more days?!

Candyfloss99 · 28/11/2020 17:05

You are over reacting by not helping him with the car. His friend will forever think of you as rude.

Hayeahnobut · 28/11/2020 17:17

You did overreact at the time, but good on you for recognising it and admitting you're finding things difficult due to distance from your own friends. Can you talk to your partner about how you're feeling?

Womencanlift · 28/11/2020 17:23

@SeasonFinale

Why is everyone missing the point that we are in lockdown so can't have anyone round whether announced or unannounced?

Because not everywhere is in lockdown

katy1213 · 28/11/2020 17:24

What kind of person turns up on the doorstep smoking a fag? Pandemic or not, I wouldn't fancy inviting him in.
And no, I wouldn't have got dressed and gone out to a cold garage to fiddle with someone's car either.

RuleWithAWoodenFoot · 28/11/2020 17:25

I think we're all just somewhere around 6 or 7 on the 1-10 pissed off scale at all times. Whether we feel it consciously or not.

So, instead of bobbling around at a 0 or 1, and going to a 3 on the pissed off scale about this annoyance, you've gone straight to 10 from your bobbling around at 6 or 7.

If that makes sense.

thepeopleversuswork · 28/11/2020 17:28

I really hate people dropping in unannounced. I also really hate the assumption a lot of blokes have that their social life takes precedence over your plans and that you always have to be nice to their friends and accommodate whatever they want to do at no notice with an indulgent smile. Fuck whatever you had planned for the weekend...

So yeah you probably did overreact a bit but I would have done too.

thepeopleversuswork · 28/11/2020 17:29

katy1213

And this. Smoking a fag on someone's doorstep is just chavvy as fuck. Shoot me but it is.

Branleuse · 28/11/2020 17:32

youre kind of overreacting. How come you dont have any local friends?

BoomBoomsCousin · 28/11/2020 17:44

@SeasonFinale

Why is everyone missing the point that we are in lockdown so can't have anyone round whether announced or unannounced?

Because it isn’t the point of the thread. OP isn’t pissed off about her DP and friend breaking lockdown. Turning everything into a question of whether or not lockdown rules are being obeyed is goady and derailing. It suffocates consideration of other issues that still exist regardless of lockdown.

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