School Nativity

[Showers3]

At the risk of sounding like a pushy parent, I feel very upset by this and am looking for perspective on if I am being unreasonable?

Last week the script for my child’s nativity came out to help the children learn their lines. Out of 43 children, 5 of them have no speaking role and my child is one of them. I get that my child isn’t the only one, but some of the children have been asked to do several ‘narrator’ parts alongside their assigned character - surely these parts could have been spread out to give everyone a little part?

I feel very sad and don’t know if I am being unreasonable to feel this way. I also don’t know if I should ask about it at parents evening next week or just let it go?

@monoaaad

Why on earth is your school doing a nativity? Surely they can't be inviting parents into watch?!?

My thoughts exactly! We aren't doing one as each class is a bubble so the KS1 classes can't mix. How are Nativity plays even happening this year?

Reception are doing their own nativity as are Y1. Both will be recorded and the link sent to the parents.

Is your child upset by the part given? That's the important thing. DS has one line in his play and he's anxious about that, he'd have preferred a non-speaking part (but there aren't any). I on the other hand was always a narrator and would have been disappointed with one line.

My thoughts exactly! We aren't doing one as each class is a bubble so the KS1 classes can't mix. How are Nativity plays even happening this year? confused

Ours is being filmed and released to parents on the schools parent site. And they are performing it for the other class and staff in their bubble. I think it's great. I loved the Christmas play at school and think it would be unfair if kids missed out. I liked the rehearsal as much as the final performance.

And each class does a separate play. There's 2 classes per bubble.

When I asked child if they wanted to speak in the play, they didn’t seem to mind either way - certainly didn’t come across as aversive to it.

If your child isn’t bothered, why are you? Unless your child demonstrated that they wanted to be involved and yours isn’t fussed, why talk to the teacher?

@WotWouldCJDo

Who would be a teacher?

This 100%

My child doesn’t have a speaking role in the nativity, I asked him and he says he does want one but he makes meow noises when he has to talk to adults he doesn’t know so I really don’t think he’s capable just yet 🤣

My school has done the absolute bare minimum. Honestly they are facilitating nothing and yet they are miraculously doing a nativity. I am down on my knees with delight praying to the reception gods. Couldn’t be happier. Don’t care if he’s a rock on the road to Bethlehem, a non-speaking donkey turd, I’m just deliriously happy the school has managed to make this happen.

Also, how do you know only 5 haven't got a speaking role? I have no idea how some parents seem to have such good knowledge about the inner workings of a classroom.

My child was very quiet so he was happy about a non speaking role. I didn’t push him either. But if your child wants to do a speaking role I would have a word with the teacher as that’s unfair if he’s not getting the chance. When I was at school it was the same kids every year that got all the good roles. Eg teachers daughter, her friends. That was 40 odd years ago.

Saoirse7 we have a class WhatsApp and a copy of the play to support practice at home. It's clear what the parts are and how many are speaking/ how many lines etc. The WhatsApp group has been full of what sort of outfit would a traveller wear etc.

If your child isn't bothered, then I'd let it go. Are they doing anything else particularly in the play e.g. a special dance?

It does sound like the teacher may have asked the children what they wanted to do. When DD was in Y2 she ended up playing Mary. Many of the other girls' parents were annoyed, but actually DD had got the role (which was non-speaking) because when the teacher had asked who was interested, not a single other girl had wanted to do it.

Perhaps she asked the children if they wanted to speak. Being confident and speaking on stage is 2 different things.

This makes me sad! I was always given a none speaking role even though I used to audition for other parts. In year 6 I asked my teacher why the same people always got the main parts and she responded with “we know they can do it” it really knocked my confidence after that

Honestly no reception child understands the difference between a speaking and a non-speaking part. It's just a competition between parents. I remember parents checking the number of words in their child's speech to make sure it was the same or more than their friends. Utter ridiculousness
Should feel grateful that someone is working their butt off attempting to pull together a production with 30/60 5 year olds and still complete the curriculum for the term. Not easy!

Honestly no reception child understands the difference between a speaking and a non-speaking part of course they do! DS is happy not to have as much to remember as his classmate with a big speaking part and has said so.

I've watched my children in multiple nativity/Christmas plays over three schools. What I've found...
Mary/Joseph are minor parts these days
There is always least one child who doesn't want to be there, let alone speak- this included my eldest daughter. She look traumatised in reception and Yr1, hiding in the hood of her animal costume.
They all sing the songs.
A non speaking part can sometimes steal the show (like the most enthusiastic herd of sheep I've ever seen last year!)
The parents are more competitive than the children.
Teachers a saints with their patience.

My youngest is Yr3 now. So no more nativities.

If it was a confidence issue, I want to support my child, however, part of me wonders how you are supposed to develop confidence if not given the opportunity? (My child is hardly shy btw!)

This is a basic mistake you are making. At 5, forcing the child to do a speaking part when they are not confident will not foster confidence but rather more fear.

DS was always pretty confident, but it was clear that speaking parts in school plays was NOT his thing. There are other things the school do to gently help the children with their confidence in this area (eg our school gets the children up to show their work in assemblies and they are encouraged to talk about it but not forced). At his Year 4 carol service, where the children who were confident enough were given part of the story to tell, some with notes and some without, DS had a particularly long line which he spoke clearly, loudly and confidently from memory. I am very grateful to the school for the slow and steady work they have done to encourage him and build is confidence.

I think you are being silly to be upset. If you think your DC is actually more confident than the teacher thinks they are (also, why are you hiding your child's sex on this forum?), ask to get that input. But your DC's ambivalence suggests the teacher is right.

Thanks again for your comments.

In answer to q’s...
The play will be streamed via live link to parents
We have a script with a full break down of who is saying what
You can see on this script that some children have lots of different times to speak as the ‘narrators’ when the excluded 5 have no lines. There would have been enough to go round if some children didn’t speak x 3
I’m not into competitive parenting - I’ll be proud of my child regardless, but I want to (a) ensure they don’t feel overlooked, (b) know if there is a reason why they haven’t been given a speaking part so that I can support/encourage them at home with any difficulties they might be having.

I hope that answers most of the questions?

I know what I am going to do now though, so I don’t need any further advice, thank you, but feel free to continue to discuss! 😊

@Saoirse7

Also, how do you know only 5 haven't got a speaking role? I have no idea how some parents seem to have such good knowledge about the inner workings of a classroom.

Yep. Reminds me of the time that a parent came in full of rage that their child didn't have a speaking role, it was soooo unfair that the same child had the lead role as last year, we were destroying her confidence etc etc.

When she paused for breath I pointed out:

1. Lead kid only started in the school this year.
2. We'd asked the kids to put hands up for roles they'd like and explained the context
3. Her kid hadn't put her hand up for any speaking role (had my list to prove it)

At that point I bundled her out the door and went off to update the staffroom. I'm sure she had a wonderfully frothy thread going on MN though!

I would be very pleased to talk to any parent about any aspect of their child's learning including memorising lines. By the time anything comes to me, though, it's usually been round WhatsApp five times, MN three times and so on, and then there will inevitably be another ten requests for rephrasing and extending of lines after you.

I will be honest - sometimes lines go to children who you know will put the effort in with learning them at home. If you have been slack with homework in the past...

Surely the 1st port of call is speak to your child?

Just tell your child if he would like a line to ask the teacher if it is possible but to accept it if she says no and offer to help with props or music?

Our preschool are doing a video recorded nativity. The kids are a single bubble.

I saw one parent look glum about her child being given a non speaking angel part. Her child is the shyest, most camera shy child who would be terrified/miserable and highly likely to wet themselves if asked to do this.

It's rare for the teachers to leave out a child who wants it.