If I ignored him?

cotingidae · 2020-11-28T01:41:52+00:00

I'm new here but need advice I'm 16 and I'm due in a couple of weeks. I was with my boyfriend for over a year but before we broke up our relationship was toxic as we argued pretty much everyday. I then found out he was cheating and doing drugs so I broke up with him and he got with the other girl. I haven't heard from him since July a few hours ago he messaged me saying 'hey, how are you?'. Wibu if I ignored him? Or should I reply? Can I have some advice please

MoChridhe · 28/11/2020 01:43

Ignore and block. He is bad news.

Thedogscollar · 28/11/2020 01:47

As above.

waitingforadulthood · 28/11/2020 01:47

I'm sorry you have to deal with this so young. He's not interested in you or his child. He texting you because he wants attention for him. He's bored or lonely. Focus on your child. I hope your family are there for you.

AlCalavicci · 28/11/2020 01:55

Ignore and block , as PP said he is just fishing for attention, you will probably find that he has split with his girlfriend and is just looking for sex .
Think back to all the times he lied to you and took drugs to , do you really want that back in your and your DCs ( when born ) lives ?

You will have enough on your hands with a new baby , you dont need a drug taking, nasty person too

Original poster

cotingidae · 28/11/2020 02:00

Yes my family are supportive. My mum knew we were in a sexual relationship. He's just texted again and said he's sorry and he didn't mean to hurt me he was just immature.

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Original poster

cotingidae · 28/11/2020 02:03

I definitely won't get back with him as I'm going to put baby first

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KeepHimJolene · 28/11/2020 02:19

If he is the natural father he is legally able to have contact with his child. You need to have a civil working relationship for 18 years at least. By listening to the rediculous 'ignore and block' advice being given here isn't helpful.

Respond to him calmly in the morning. Until then put his texts on silence. Tomorrow ask what he wanted late at night. If he asks about you or your pregnancy simply tell him your due date is drawing near and check if he would like to be informed when the baby arrives. This is setting a clear boundary that he is not invited to the hospital.

user1473878824 · 28/11/2020 02:38

Completely ignore him for now @cotingidae. He’s been dumped by whoever he was cheating on you with, I’d put money on it.

Luciferthecat666 · 28/11/2020 05:08

@cotingidae I agree with previous posters he's probably been dumped and is looking to come back with his tail between his legs he sounds like a right charmer I also agree with KeepHimJolene I would text back at some point but keep it straight to the point ask what he wants and make it clear that you're only willing to talk him if its about the baby.

MoChridhe · 28/11/2020 06:00

Don't be swayed by the poster who says he has legal rights to his child. If he wants to see the child let him go to courts and get access ( I doubt he cares that much). You should not leave your baby with someone who is into drugs, it is not safe.

paganbilly · 28/11/2020 06:03

@cotingidae

I definitely won't get back with him as I'm going to put baby first

Don't forget to put yourself first too.

paganbilly · 28/11/2020 06:05

Oh and don't put him in the birth certificate if you don't want to, give your baby your name and if you want to claim maintenance in the future he doesn't have to be on the birth certificate.

Jaxxi · 28/11/2020 06:07

If he is involved in drugs he may not be granted unsupervised access to the child.
Put the baby in your name and dont let him come to register it.

Crustmasiscoming · 28/11/2020 06:10

I'm sorry you're dealing with all of this at such a young age.

You sound much more mature than he is. Completely ignore him. Block his number. He's only thinking of himself and you don't need that extra worry.

Just focus on you and your lovely baby I'm glad you have a supportive family. They are all that you need right now.

Crustmasiscoming · 28/11/2020 06:14

If he is the natural father he is legally able to have contact with his child. You need to have a civil working relationship for 18 years at least. By listening to the rediculous 'ignore and block' advice being given here isn't helpful

She can do what she likes while she is pregnant. The contact and financial arrangements can come once the baby is born. She isn't obliged to do or say anything whilst still pregnant.

Original poster

cotingidae · 28/11/2020 11:15

No I won't leave baby with him. I asked him what he wanted and he said he just wanted to apologize for the way he treated me he just got in with the wrong people and he was just embarrassed because I was pregnant and we were only in year 10 (please don't judge) and his parents weren't happy but now he doesn't care what people think

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Newfornow · 28/11/2020 11:27

I would advice my own dd to politely say thank you for your texts. I am not ready to discuss anything at the moment, wait for me to text you when the baby had been born. . Keep things civil, but put boundaries in place.
Consider him on the strictest probation for your child’s sake. Do not get dragged into drama and think you need him in your life for the baby’s sake. You don’t. You can be civil for your baby sakes, after he has proven himself.

Newfornow · 28/11/2020 11:28

Anyone who judges is small minded, good luck and be strong. Do you don’t need drama.

Inpersuitofhappiness · 28/11/2020 11:29

@cotingidae please don't add him to your child birth certificate. All itll do is bring you stress ( I was a year older than you when i had my DD and a good chunk of the problems I've had over the past 12 years have been due to doing what I thought was right and adding DDs dad to the BC)

But also, as you asked. Ignore him if you want to. He didnt give you, or the child you are carrying much thought.

Wishing you all the best

Wheresmykimchi · 28/11/2020 11:33

Surprised by these responses. Nobody actually knows why he is texting and if you had posted saying you're due in a couple of weeks and he hadn't texted hed be getting a hammering too. People think they know far too much about a situation they actually don't.

Sorry you're in this position OP. Speak to your friends and family and proceed based on what is right for you.

Wheresmykimchi · 28/11/2020 11:33

@KeepHimJolene

If he is the natural father he is legally able to have contact with his child. You need to have a civil working relationship for 18 years at least. By listening to the rediculous 'ignore and block' advice being given here isn't helpful.

Respond to him calmly in the morning. Until then put his texts on silence. Tomorrow ask what he wanted late at night. If he asks about you or your pregnancy simply tell him your due date is drawing near and check if he would like to be informed when the baby arrives. This is setting a clear boundary that he is not invited to the hospital.

Agreed.

Thingsdogetbetter · 28/11/2020 11:34

So apart from him not having a gf now, what else has changed that makes him not care about what people think anymore? It's only been about 6 months and he's suddenly matured and gotten over his 'embarrassment'. Really? This is a guy who allowed peer pressure from the wrong crowd and HIS embarrassment override supporting the girl he got pregnant. He allowed you to go this alone, without a care for you or the baby because he was embarrassed. Embarrassed ffs!

In this 'heartfelt' apology for the past has he offered to step up in the future? Asked how the pregnancy is going? Asked about the baby? Asked about your birth plan? Asked how he can support you now? Or just tried to alleviate his own guilt?

Please discuss this with your parents before you get hoovered back into a toxic relationship again.

You've got this far without him. Would adding him back into the mix actually be of any benefit to you and your baby?

You've rocked this so far! Anyone who judges can shove it up they're arses. You have a whole life of happiness and love to come. Protect that future.

ColdTattyWaitingForSummer · 28/11/2020 11:35

Definitely no judgement from me (I also got pregnant in year 10).
Right now you need to focus on you, your baby, and - if at all possible - continuing your education. I’d be tempted to ignore your ex for now, or at the very least don’t get drawn into long drawn out text debates. I’d also listen to whatever advice your parents are giving you. I know it’ll grate, but they likely have your best interests at heart.

Original poster

cotingidae · 28/11/2020 12:52

I'm not going to add him to the birth certificate. No he hasn't asked how the pregnancy all he's asked is how I am. I've been doing school work at home and I may be doing GCSEs a year later

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Original poster

cotingidae · 28/11/2020 21:30

He texted saying he wants to see me, that he's changed and just wants to support me because he was stupid and should've listened when I told him he shouldn't be hanging around with the people older than him who did drugs. And he said he just wants to prove he's changed and he wants to be a good dad and he only realised the other week when he was arrested (they got him into dealing drugs and he got caught). He also said he shouldn't have cheated and it was a mistake and he wants us to be friends

I just don't know what to do for the best

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