AIBU to think about cancelling christmas

[Doublebubblebubble]

Im going to try and write this in a way so as not to out me.

So. Im not really in the mood anyway but basically was planning to go around to my mums for christmas. However on Wednesday we found out that my mum has cancer, for the second time this year, (she had facial cancer, had a major operation and complications and was getting healthier) and now she has a different facial cancer.

My brother decided that I would take over cooking (he has allergies too) and we'd do it all together but today my mum has said that she may be going into hospital to have a feeding tube inserted on or around xmas day (she is having radiotherapy) And apparently this will cause her whole face to swell meaning that eating will be difficult which may mean shes either not well enough to eat or she might not even be there. I want her to get better so her health takes precidence. Here's the thing though, my brother wants to have his mate around for dinner too. A person I dont know. My children dont know. And I may have to cook him a free christmas dinner. My brother has known him nearly 20 years and he cant see HIS parents (because covid - but its fine to come into my mums house whilst she has cancer [logic]) he cant see his kids (reasons unknown.)

I just think that itll be unfair to have him there whether my mum is there or not.

I hope this makes sense. A lot of this is just venting. I know if i say anything I'll be called a scrooge and I will still make xmas dinner, id just like for other people to see it from my side.

Aibu?

I'm so sorry, your poor mum. What a shit end to a shit year.

I can totally see why youd be worried about exposing her to unnecessary risk. If you dont fancy cooking, and your mum cant eat it anyway, then dont.

Just say no, OP. His friend can find somewhere else to go.

Sorry about your mum

No, who wants a stranger round for Christmas anyway let alone in a pandemic and of course your mum will be clinically vulnerable anyway.

I’m sorry about your mum.

Can’t your brother cook?

I would be telling him that he either has Christmas with you OR his friend.

I’ve been a stray who’s gone for Christmas at friends families in my twenties. But I still think it’s completely unreasonable for your brother to include his friend in this situation.

Your poor mother, I can’t imagine she would be thrilled having someone she doesn’t know around when she’s probably feeling ill and vulnerable. And of course the covid risk of an extra household while she’s vulnerable in that respect

Can you leave your brother and his mate to do their own thing and just have your mum to yours? And just have a low key, no pressure Christmas with a low maintenance dinner for those who want it and no stress if anyone doesn’t want it.

Yanbu in the slightest. Sorry about your mum

I don't feel that you should allow people to nominate you to cook. JUST SAY NO.

So sorry to hear about your Mum.

Your brother needs to give his head a wobble!

He wants to invite a stranger for Xmas in the middle of a global pandemic when your mum is clinically vulnerable (and mentally too just after an Operation and can't eat / swollen face etc) and his concern is that you cook for him and his stray pal?

I'm sure you are a nice person who'd happily include his mate for Sunday Dinner at other times, but this is NOT the time.

ridiculous your brothers even suggested that; how selfish yanbu

Even without the covid risk its not the right time to be bringing along a random to Christmas Dinner. I'm sorry you and your family are facing a difficult Christmas and you need to be doing things to make it easier not harder.

My brother decided that I would take over cooking

What?!

He wants you to cook for you and his mate?! Tell him to get stuffed!

He does not get to decide. Unless you’re a complete doormat, that is.

Does your mum live alone ? However the best plan seems to be do Christmas at your house , your mum can come if she feels up to it and you tell brother that he’s welcome but you can’t have the friend as well so choice is his . That way your dc can have a nice Christmas at home .

Db it's lovely that you want to see your friend on Xmas day. I know you'll agree we don't want to add others into mums bubble at such a sensitive time, so if you see your friend I'll see mum on Xmas day if she's up for it. Have a lovely Xmas.

Just tell him no and use the 3 household rule.

What the hell is wrong with people (your brother)?

If this is the common sense we're relying on then we're all fucked come January.

I voted YABU but only in reply to your thread title. You don't need to cancel Christmas. You just need to tell your brother to piss off. Cheeky sod.

I hope your mum is on the road to recovery soon x

YANBU

You have my sypmathies and so does your poor mum

I just want to ask gently if this friend could actually be your brothers partner but he is worried/embarrassed to say? He might think coming out now would be an awful shock for your mother and not the best timing but still wanted to spend time with his partner just passing him off as a mate?

I might be way off the mark here though so ignore me if my suggestion is stupid.

@Audreyseyebrows haha no. When he was at uni all he ate was plain boiled pasta

Wtf? Tell your brother to F off tbh! Why are you doing the cooking? And for his mate too! Cheeky fucker.

Tell him no his friend can’t come - your mum is vulnerable and you won’t be doing a big dinner as your mum isn’t well and can’t eat anyway!

You can make yourself & the kids something easy and just spend the day with your mum stress free!

If your brother wants the big dinner he can cook it himself

If he wants to spend it with his friend he can go to a different house

Gabby. Sorry about your mum.

Tell the rando to sod off.

All the best to your poor mum. It would make better sense for your brother and his mate to celebrate Christmas together at the mates house, surely.

It is utterly unreasonable for him to want to bring a stranger in for Christmas in this situation (Covid and your mum's health worries).

Just say no.

His friend needs to keep well away from your Mam's house. What the heck is your brother thinking putting her at risk when she is so ill!

So your brothers main concern is not his poor mother, who is having to go through cancer for a second time this year it’s making sure there is someone to cook him and his mate Christmas dinner?...think I’d struggle to be civil tbh

So sorry about your mum op, you must be so worried, my sister had thyroid cancer years ago v sick over Christmas and my mum is going for an endoscopy and colonoscopy on 9th for poss bowel/stomach/oesophageal cancer her sister died of oesophageal cancer few years ago so we are v worried. Thinking of you abs sending my thoughts to your mum, not an easy time for any of you

Sorry but your db is a thoughtless idiot.
Do him a favour and use this situation to make him grow up.
Say. No, that’s not happening.

Sorry about your mum  No, who wants a stranger round for Christmas anyway let alone in a pandemic and of course your mum will be clinically vulnerable anyway

Erm, isnt caring about strangers and being a good samaritan all in the actual real spirit of Christmas?