AIBU to think about cancelling christmas

[Doublebubblebubble]

Im going to try and write this in a way so as not to out me.

So. Im not really in the mood anyway but basically was planning to go around to my mums for christmas. However on Wednesday we found out that my mum has cancer, for the second time this year, (she had facial cancer, had a major operation and complications and was getting healthier) and now she has a different facial cancer.

My brother decided that I would take over cooking (he has allergies too) and we'd do it all together but today my mum has said that she may be going into hospital to have a feeding tube inserted on or around xmas day (she is having radiotherapy) And apparently this will cause her whole face to swell meaning that eating will be difficult which may mean shes either not well enough to eat or she might not even be there. I want her to get better so her health takes precidence. Here's the thing though, my brother wants to have his mate around for dinner too. A person I dont know. My children dont know. And I may have to cook him a free christmas dinner. My brother has known him nearly 20 years and he cant see HIS parents (because covid - but its fine to come into my mums house whilst she has cancer [logic]) he cant see his kids (reasons unknown.)

I just think that itll be unfair to have him there whether my mum is there or not.

I hope this makes sense. A lot of this is just venting. I know if i say anything I'll be called a scrooge and I will still make xmas dinner, id just like for other people to see it from my side.

Aibu?

@Crappyfridays7

We don't normally get on at all anyway. We are trying to be civil for my mum. Its so hard.

I know you'll all think I'm a doormat but Ive decided that I am going to do it on this occasion. My mum has said she wants him there and that he shouldnt be alone.
His friend knows what is going on with my mum so I'm hoping that he'll think it through and let us have a christmas together and bow out gracefully himself. Again I dont know when the surgery will be yet (it is going to be around christmas though) so things and plans may change anyway 🤞thanks all.

But yeah, in this situation I wouldn't be inviting anyone extra who could pass covid to your mum op so yanbu.

@BoudiccaD "being a good samaritan" is what my mum literally just said to me on the phone. She isnt particularly religious but I guess cancer changes your perspective. Shes been a lot more charitable recently. Its so hard. How do you say no to someone with cancer? I cant.

Your mum is being very lovely. I've both been a Christmas stray and hosted Christmas strays, there's always room for one more around my table but this year... yeah, your mum is being very lovely. If your brother's pal has any sense at all he'll cancel.

@Falconfield

In regards of his friend being his lover. I wish my brother were gay because we might get along a bit better but i honestly dont think so, but at the same time if he were certainly shouldnt be afraid to come out to us. We're quite a progressive family I suppose.

Yeah I'd talk to bro and tell him to talk some sense into the friend. Then he can cancel and your mum doesnt need to feel guilty.

Don't cancel.
Keep it flexible but be totally clear to your db that this is not the year for randoms at the house.

If you're sure your DM can cope. It is a lovely thing to welcome a "stray" at Christmas but it works better when the hosting family are in a good place themselves. It's not unreasonable to say no if you're going through a difficult time.