To be pee'd off with friends who moan about how selfish their husbands are time and time again yet don't do anything about it?

[crazylife]

I have told them several times that I don't want to hear anymore because its the same crap just different days. Once friend has been banging on for years.

Part of me thinks a good friend should listen, but it really is the same thing just slightly different variations.

Suffering slightly from PMT!

What do you want them to do about it? Divorce them? Or just stop moaning about the same old situation?

ive listened to my friends moan time after time about their other halfs
and they have listened to me moan on and on about the men in my life, if fact sometimes i dont know what i would have done if i didnt have a friend to listen to me moan i wouldnt call them a very good friend if they told me to 'bog off im not listening to this same shit anymore' dont think

You don't have to listen to other people moan if it's repetitive and boring.

Give some constructive advice .

Go somewhere the music is so loud you can't hear them.

moaning friends are a pita. Get somore more upbeat ones.

Moaning lets off steam.

PMT is lethal for friendships, btw. I'd take a break from your moaning friends.

No I don't want them to divorce them, just to stop moaning about them.

I have given plenty of constuctive advice in the past, I get thrown back in my face "its easy for you because your married to a unique man" I wouldn't say unique we have a good marrige and work as a team, there is give and take on both sides, he does get on my nerves from time to time, but I don't go into detail with friends as I feel its disloyal to my DH.

I guess its not so much the moaning about them, is the constant asking for advice and confirmation that their dh's are out of order via various means.

Guess I frustrated as dh & I not had a good year health wise and we don't even get a "hi how are you" before they go into the chaos that is there life.

crazylife - I have an American girlfriend here who moans endlessly about her French husband. When I say "I had to deal with that too" about my partner, she also replies "Oh, but your DP is so much better at taking things on board than mine".

No he isn't - I'm just much better at explaining and negotiating than she is . Tell them that - and work them through some negotiation techniques.

that sounds tiresome, chaos. Tell them it's up to them to make their lives more enjoyable

Building on pointdog's point - you can actually point out to your friends what is within their own control and how they can deal with it.

LOL at "take on board". Can't imagine a Brit saying that.

? isn't 'take on board' a British term?

I think yab and tiny bit u to be honest!

that's what friends are for and all that. You have to click with your friends and if you do then no amount of moaning will sully the friendship IME - maybe they're not actually real 'friends' as in shared interests,empathy for each other,

non-stop moaning would be enough to ensd a friendship for me.

life's about finding the fun

Is it really? It sounds like an americanism to me.

Let them moan but just keep enquiring politely " so what do you think you will do about it" and nodding sagely " i wonder why he thinks he can get away with that all the time - why do you think he does".
If you just keep saying "ooh how rotten - ooh what a git" it will allow them to vent and do bugger all.
Or take your i pod when you go to meet them

it depends whether they moan and are very boring and self-involved too or whether they moan but are generally good company and interesting to be with.

The first isnt a a real friend so shouldnt be counted as one - dead wood - get rid and the second are the best friends you could have because they not smug and full of how perfect their lives are (which can be worse)

Tell them to come on MN and have a good rant to get it off their chests.

Seriously, I have come to the conclusion that my friend (who is always moaning about her DP) that she just needs to complain. She has no intention about doing anything to change their relationship, she has been with him for 10 years and they have never had a particularly harmony filled relationship. I suspect they like to bicker actually.

I just insert the appropriate response and send her off content.

She cannot be so unhappy with him, btw, she married him last weekend!

YABU, but maybe you could tell them about this great website full of other women that they can moan about their DPs on, and ask what other women think...

Aha - great minds think alike kinder!

Don't think "take on board" is an Americanism.

Completely agree with pointydog that life is about finding the fun. It's up to each one of us to make our lives and those of our families as enjoyable as possible.

Sometimes moaning is necessary - but constant moaning is no good. If you need to moan constantly it's generally a sign that you need to fix something.

It sounds like you would just like a bit of concern or interest in how YOU are, rather than listening to them waffle on.

Its easy to feel resentful towards people like that, they become so wrapped up in their own issues, they forget that you have feelings too.

Maybe be unavailable for the next couple of get togethers. A break would do you good, and may make them rethink you as a sounding board!

you know, it makes me feel all warm to agree with someone I wouldn't normally agree with ( anna)

think you hit the nail on the head, they seem so wrapped up that I don't get a mention.

I am lucky to have good friends that do ask me, my BF is fantasic and supportive and I don't know what I would do without her. Its just a few others seem to drain me emotionally. Will cut off for a while and recover.