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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DS’s GF’s mum is a bit out of order?

61 replies

MissMessy12 · 26/11/2020 22:03

DS 15 is not the most conscientious- a real struggle to motivate him to get into school. He’s totally besotted with GF also 15.
A few weeks ago GF’s mum decided to pull her out of school as deemed it too dangerous as there are COVID cases in year groups but only ‘close contacts’ have to isolate. That’s absolutely their decision- none of my business.

However, every time DS comes back from seeing her, apparently her mum has been saying things like ‘I can’t believe you’re still in school, it’s so unsafe’ or ‘doesn’t your mum worry about you bringing COVID home?’ Etc

So now DS is now refusing to go to school, Aibu to feel really pissed off with other mum?

OP posts:
saraclara · 26/11/2020 22:57

Your post may have made more sense if it hadn't skipped your mind to mention which country you live in.

Why the hell should she @EveryDayIsADuvetDay? Anyone outside England is somehow 'othered' on MN, and expected to preface every single post with their location?

The internet is international. No-one has to account for where they live. If they say 'I'm not in a lockdown area' they don't have to be cross-examined.

Jeeze, such a reactionary 'Little England' attitude.

Mischance · 26/11/2020 22:59

Well if DS is still in school and yet still seeing GF what does her Mum have to say about that? She might just as well be in school!

BecomeStronger · 26/11/2020 22:59

@saraclara

Your post may have made more sense if it hadn't skipped your mind to mention which country you live in.

Why the hell should she @EveryDayIsADuvetDay? Anyone outside England is somehow 'othered' on MN, and expected to preface every single post with their location?

The internet is international. No-one has to account for where they live. If they say 'I'm not in a lockdown area' they don't have to be cross-examined.

Jeeze, such a reactionary 'Little England' attitude.

It doesn't make any difference what country OP is in. The rules regarding visiting other households are the same in Wales as they are in England, so there's no need for anyone to get so het up.
lyralalala · 26/11/2020 23:00

Your post may have made more sense if it hadn't skipped your mind to mention which country you live in

Population of England and Wales is around 60m, of which 94% live in England, so its not that unreasonable to assume Emgland.

Or given that it's a website used by people from lots of countries, not just England, or even England and Wales, you should be less assuming and judgemental?

wigglerose · 26/11/2020 23:05

She's told him exactly what he wanted to hear, whether she knows it or not. I'd be annoyed if I had an unmotivated teen who's been given the perfect excuse not to go to school too. At least in school it's the teachers trying to get him to work, not you!

Katypyee · 26/11/2020 23:05

Well 94% of the MN population certainly don't reside in England. Here's is me not in England and not in the UK. I am sure I am not alone.

@MissMessy12 I would be pissed off too.

user1481840227 · 26/11/2020 23:09

Why is he refusing to go to school though?

Has she caused him to feel genuinely anxious over this? or is he just being a rebellious teenager?

Coolieloach · 26/11/2020 23:10

I think the point is that the other mum is deliberately shit stirring by forcing her opinions on op’s son. Some people really do get a bit lost in the ‘rules’ or their presumption of certain other factors

Twofurrycatsagain · 26/11/2020 23:12

I'd agree with him. I'd agree so much. No school? Fine. No going to girl friends, other friends, shops, takeaways, food establishments. In fact, anywhere, other than home. Where, of course, he is studying.

Bookworming · 26/11/2020 23:13

*Your post may have made more sense if it hadn't skipped your mind to mention which country you live in.

Population of England and Wales is around 60m, of which 94% live in England, so its not that unreasonable to assume Emgland.*

The Covid police need to gather all the facts before making assumptions.

OP it's irritating for sure, but you always get "those parents" that love their kids soooooo much more than you love mores and therefore they're just protecting them.

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:13

Seems like he shouldn't be visiting anyway you may not be in lockdown but have rules on visiting indoors ans if gf parents are worried shouldn't they be following all the rules

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:16

@saraclara maybe they should start post with my area is not in lockdown etc but anyway wales actually do have rules on indoor house visits

Bookworming · 26/11/2020 23:16

I'm assuming they're in an extended bubble.

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:18

@saraclara this is the uk based site though so not unreasonable to make Assumption unless people say
Many do start a post with i love in an area where we can do this or that when talking about covid
And on 80% of posts i go on if not more people are based in uk that are posting
Nothing to do with being a little englander at all

lyralalala · 26/11/2020 23:19

[quote timeforanewstart]@saraclara maybe they should start post with my area is not in lockdown etc but anyway wales actually do have rules on indoor house visits
[/quote]
Or you could just assume that people who say "I've done X" or "we're planning Y" are aware of the rules in their area and don't need it pointed out to them by someone else...

Posts will be ridiculously long if people feel the need to start adding in details of childcare bubbles, extended households, rules of their country, rules of their employment.

lyralalala · 26/11/2020 23:20

[quote timeforanewstart]@saraclara this is the uk based site though so not unreasonable to make Assumption unless people say
Many do start a post with i love in an area where we can do this or that when talking about covid
And on 80% of posts i go on if not more people are based in uk that are posting
Nothing to do with being a little englander at all[/quote]
There are no "UK" rules though so that still doesn't work

(And Little Englander shit happens on here all the time - just look at the thread where someone in Aus was told their local rules were "irrelevant" and they shouldn't be meeting someone for a drink in a bar)

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:22

@lyralalala not really as in i am in are that isn't in lockdown would help
Anyway in this case it would help to know as well if they are bubbled with this family etc as in if they are telling op ds not to go to school etc but are allowing him around if not on bubble they aren't actually following the rules which op could point out when defending her reasons for him going to school etc

lyralalala · 26/11/2020 23:24

[quote timeforanewstart]@lyralalala not really as in i am in are that isn't in lockdown would help
Anyway in this case it would help to know as well if they are bubbled with this family etc as in if they are telling op ds not to go to school etc but are allowing him around if not on bubble they aren't actually following the rules which op could point out when defending her reasons for him going to school etc
[/quote]
It doesn't matter if the Girl's mother is following the rules to the letter or not. The issue about school is a whole other matter.

And if that's what people meant they could have just said "...and if she's not following the rules herself then you could point that out to your DS"

That totally different to the accusatory "Your DS shouldn't be there anyway" posts on here

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:24

@lyralalala i am aware there are no uk rules that wasn't what I was saying i said it is a uk based site which is a fact, we are even in england in different tiers so different rules so when asking covid related scenarios be helpful to know peoples tiers
All the info here is relevant to advise Op

lyralalala · 26/11/2020 23:26

Being a UK based site doesn't make it acceptable to just assume, as has happened here, the OP is in England.

Anyway this is derailing the OP's thread so I've made my point.

To say there's no Little Englander mentality on here is incorrect. It happens all the time.

Luciferthecat666 · 26/11/2020 23:27

@MissMessy12 Yes she is out of order tell her to mind her own business and that you will parent your son how you see fit and if she doesn't like it tough fortunately her opinions aren't welcome nor required tell her to focus on her own child and leave yours alone or simply don't let DS go round there if she's so concerned he can video call his GF the joys of technology Smile

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:28

@lyralalala yes they could but the fact is if not bubbled they shouldn't be there and you will get that on here, people get flamed for doing something thats allowed if someone else thinks they shouldn't
Personally i think gf mother should not be telling op ds what she thinks his mum should do , but all op can do is point out the gf mum isn't flowing rules ( potentially ) her allowing her ds around whilst he is at school is hypocritical etc
Maybe OP you could ask school to speak to him as gf mum has put you in an awkward position

timeforanewstart · 26/11/2020 23:29

@lyralalala using the phrase little englander is also a bit bigotry is it not

NC4Now · 26/11/2020 23:29

Lockdown or not, if she’s worried enough to keep her kid off school, she shouldn’t be allowing close contacts with a boy who’s there.
She’s either worried or she’s not.

saraclara · 26/11/2020 23:31

(And Little Englander shit happens on here all the time - just look at the thread where someone in Aus was told their local rules were "irrelevant" and they shouldn't be meeting someone for a drink in a bar)

Ha! Yep, some posts to Australians have been ridiculous. It appalls me how insular many MNers are.

"There's a pandemic going on. Why are you even thinking of doing (x)?"
Not in most of Australia there isn't. My lucky relatives in (not a single case in their state for ages) are living life entirely normally. I might have to block them on facebook because my envy is getting the better of me!

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