NC for obvious reasons.
I work in a highly pressured industry at a fairly senior level. The last year has been manic - I rarely clock in under 50 hours a week, often 60 and there have been major stresses with my team suffering under lockdown, client issues (i work with a famously unreasonable and difficult client) and general home stresses related to the current situation.
I have suffered with MH issues in the past but not since I had PND 10 years ago.
This week has been dreadful and I've just ground to a stop. I've dropped a couple of major balls and just feel like I can't do my job any more. I've spent the last three days in bed, called in sick and am just beside myself with crippling anxiety and a horrible feeling of listlessness and lack of motivation.
My rational mind is telling me this is burnout and a reaction to the incredible amount of pressure I have been under over the last 12 months and I need to take some time out to recuperate, but I can't help but feel so weak and guilty for cracking like this. I'm so filled with anxiety I can't bring myself to look at emails or whatsapps or contemplate the things that I might have missed since I have been off. My knee-jerk thought is that I just need to leave the toxic environment I've been working in but I am so lucky to be employed and couldn't afford even a month's unemployment while looking for something else.
AIBU for giving myself such a hard time? How can I pull myself out of this awful mental place? Practically, how do I handle this with my bosses/HR? I'm terrified if I tell them the truth they'll have me down as weak and it'll affect my future in the company.