To think we should tell the truth?

[LieOrNoLie]

Our cat has gone missing (it's been over a week now).

Even worse is the children are due here at weekend and they absolutely adore him and will be gutted. There will be lots of tears I know.

My husband doesn't want to tell them and instead thinks we should lie and say we've rehomed him somewhere like a farm with fields etc...

I think we should tell them the truth.

Firstly because they'll question why we've given their cat away and we'll be the terrible ones. And secondly, because I think they are old enough to know that sometimes these things happen and it's rubbish and sad but we shouldn't hide it from them either. They are 9&11.

And thirdly of course, he still might come back!!

YABU - lie to save them the upset of thinking he's ran away/something bad might have happened.

YANBU - tell them the truth, they are old enough to know. Which is that he is missing and we are trying to find him but that might not be possible.

[wigglerose]

I think telling them you've sent their beloved cat to live on a farm is worse, and bordering on cruel. They'll try to figure out why, and might decide it's because they did something "wrong".

[TheDizzyRascal]

I think you're husbands way will be fine - my parents sent my Grandad to live on a cruise ship when I was 9 and he's still there now, he has a brilliant time! All you can eat, entertainment every night....It's a miracle really, he was 89 then, 35 years ago......

[lynsey91]

Yes you have to tell them. Hopefully though your cat will return. A week is nothing. I know quite a few people whose cat went missing and returned and the time varied from a week to over a month.

We had a cat years ago who went missing for 6 months and then just turned up on the doorstep

[icouldwriteabook]

my dad told me when I was 12 that my hamster had gone to live with somebody else (he was a horrible bloody hamster that bullied the other one) I was so upset and wondered whether it was my fault that he didn't want me as his owner.

turns out, my dad let it go on the field. I only found out at 20 years old.

I was bloody pissed off!

tell the truth

[Rowgtfc72]

Tell them the truth.
My friends cat went missing and turned up a year later. Hed got into a workmans van and travelled to the next county. Eventually ended up at a vet and his microchip led them back to my friend.

[ZoeCM]

They're far too old to believe that.

[AintOverUntilTheCatLadySings]

Not quite what you're asking, but an odd trick to bring your cat back is to pee in a cup and leave it outside. If you did it tonight then the cat should return by 3am Saturday morning.

[YoniAndGuy]

And I'd flat out refuse to lie to them. He doesn't get to police YOUR parenting instincts. It's your home, your pet, your relationship with them and you get to decide on your own approach to that.

'No, I thought that he had gone missing, but perhaps Dad hasn't updated me yet.'

Warn him in advance you won't back him on such a silly and damaging lie.

[redastherose]

Definitely don't lie. Children deserve the truth. You can say that he went out and hasn't yet come back but you are hopeful that he has just got lost and will be returned home shortly. Also, a week isn't that long with cats and wandering.

[JoeCalFuckingZaghe]

An 11 year old will see through that crock, it’ll be really embarrassing to hear a child call him out on his lies.... let him lie

[Blondeshavemorefun]

Def tell truth

Hopefully he will come back

But he may not

Don’t lie

[shinynewapple2020]

Oh gosh yes absolutely tell them the truth. How awful for them to think that their parents would just give away their family pet. And let's face it, how many cats get tempted into the home of a neighbour who puts down food and may mistakenly think they are a stray .

[Rhiannon13]

One of the many reasons for bringing children up with pets is to teach them about the realities of life and death. Of course a pet dying or going missing is sad and usually traumatic but it does build vital resilience. I'm sure I'm stronger in this respect than a lot of my friends because I had pets as a child. We should always question our motives when trying to 'protect' children from the truth. Is it just to make life easier for ourselves? This kind of lie does nothing to help their future selves, and risks serious resentment towards you OP.

[Rhiannon13]

He's very likely to come back anyway. People think they can steal cats just because they roam and they think they're coming to them looking for food. Fingers crossed he reappears OP.

[motheroftwoboys]

No question. Tell them the truth. The cat is likely to turn up fit and well. A relations of mine has recently had hers turn up after 2 years!!

[Coldemort]

I had 2 pets....
A rabbit that suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a slide. Mam said she'd swapped it for the slide. I was perfectly happy with that as I wanted a slide.....
Then a dog who went to live with his friends. I was in my 20's when I found out he was put down because he'd attacked me
However I was 4/5.
When my cat got knocked over when I was 7ish I was told the truth. I wrote a very heartfelt poem about her, which I've still got

[Wiggleinherwalk]

Definitely wouldn't lie, especially when the poor thing will hopefully turn up soon!

If they're upset maybe do something constructive together, so they know sad things happen but how you can do things to try and help - make some missing posters to put up round the neighbourhood or flyers through people's doors asking people to look in their sheds?

[stschiap]

DH is being completely ridiculous.
Surely it's far worse to come up with some story about giving the cat away????
There'd still be tears but there'd be anger too. Why have you given the cat away etc? Also, you'd have to come up with a damn good reason for giving the cat away. It's irresponsible to let children think cat can be just given away for spurious reasons.

Tell the truth. End of.
Yes they'll be upset but that's the reality of having a pet - they do sometimes go missing (and sometimes turn up again) and unfortunately they do become ill and die (usually have to be put to sleep). It's something you have to deal with directly with children - they need to know what happens at the end of a pet's life (not necessarily in great detail but not some concocted nonsense about going to live somewhere else)

[lunar1]

My 9 year old would sit in the car until we went to collect our cat if they through I'd given her away! He'd be furious with me.

[Magicpaintbrush]

How is it better to tell them you gave their beloved cat away??? If anything that's way worse! If my parents had given my cat away I would hate their guts! Why would you tell a lie that makes you both look like a pair of horrible cat abandoners?

[keeprocking]

@MaelyssQ

He might come back. My cat went missing for over 2 weeks once, and when he came back he was plump and glossy - he'd obviously been living the high life with someone else.

Tell the children the truth.

Read them 6 Dinner Sid, a lot of cats have more than one home!

[1forAll74]

The truth is always best. At those ages, the children should understand that cats can wander off,and may come home eventually.

[Quartz2208]

He isnt being too soft or trying to protect them he is avoiding having to deal with the situation - presumably because he doesnt want to have to deal with the emotional fall out.

They will probably be far more resilient and able to deal with it then him thinks and also him giving away the cat is actually a harsher thing than he is missing

Good luck I hope you find him

[2bazookas]

I should tell them an acceptable truth; "cats quite often go walkabout, sometimes they come back and sometimes they find a lovely new home and decide to stay there. Tibbles has gone walkabout, lets hope he misses us and comes home one day. "

[Mummyoflittledragon]

@Quartz2208

He isnt being too soft or trying to protect them he is avoiding having to deal with the situation - presumably because he doesnt want to have to deal with the emotional fall out.

They will probably be far more resilient and able to deal with it then him thinks and also him giving away the cat is actually a harsher thing than he is missing

Good luck I hope you find him

This is exactly it. Parents have an important job to do. To teach them about life so that when a loved one or pet dies or something like this happens, they are able to deal with their grief and move on.