To think we should tell the truth?

[LieOrNoLie]

Our cat has gone missing (it's been over a week now).

Even worse is the children are due here at weekend and they absolutely adore him and will be gutted. There will be lots of tears I know.

My husband doesn't want to tell them and instead thinks we should lie and say we've rehomed him somewhere like a farm with fields etc...

I think we should tell them the truth.

Firstly because they'll question why we've given their cat away and we'll be the terrible ones. And secondly, because I think they are old enough to know that sometimes these things happen and it's rubbish and sad but we shouldn't hide it from them either. They are 9&11.

And thirdly of course, he still might come back!!

YABU - lie to save them the upset of thinking he's ran away/something bad might have happened.

YANBU - tell them the truth, they are old enough to know. Which is that he is missing and we are trying to find him but that might not be possible.

[LieOrNoLie]

@AcornAutumn

I think he’s mad

But are they his children and not yours? In which case he gets final say, imho.

They are his children yes but I don't agree he gets to decide to tell my step children that we have given their pet away!

I guess if he wants to say he decided on his own to do so... But I'm not pretending I had any part in it!

[Throckmorton]

The lie is horrific - they'll think he stole their cat and don't care about their feelings! I guess if he wants to be hated by his kids, that's a good way to go about it....

[Runoutofideas45]

Tell the truth - our old cat disappeared for weeks before returning on Christmas Day one year

[SueEllenMishke]

Tell the truth. They are old enough to deal with it.
Our cat was run over a couple of months ago and we told our 5 year old the truth and although he was upset he dealt with it okay.

[Santaisironingwrappingpaper]

So he wants to tell the dc that dcat /him decided the dc weren't nice enough dc so dcat has moved elsewhere? Better dcat is sadly lost? Our dcat came home 6 months later..

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

Tell the truth. I was lied to about pets. It's damaging. The truth gives a coping mechanism for losing them. Thinking they have been rehomed is just upsetting.

[Happyheartlovelife]

I think you should tell the truth

Kids need to be able to feel sadness. To then be taught how to deal with it. We try to shelter out kids obviously. But that leads to longer life problems I feel

I would be honest. My mum was always very honest with me and I had such a trusting relationship with her. She always said if you’re old enough to ask the question. You’re old enough to knoe the answer and I think that applies here too.

[LieOrNoLie]

Agree, he's not thought it through at all.

[IamMaz]

One of our cats went missing for sooooo long, we got another one from RSPCA.
Then the original turned up!!!

[GarlicSoup]

@LieOrNoLie

He is just too soft sometimes imo. I agree with PP, as horrible as it is, there's nothing wrong with learning that sometimes life can be a bit rubbish. He likes to shield.

But his suggestion isn’t ‘shielding’ them, far from it. Why on Earth would he tell children you had given their beloved cat away? Completely bonkers and irrational. Better to tell them the truth with the hope that their cat returns safely.

[Fedupalways]

Tell them the truth. What your husband said is just weird.

My cat went missing for a year. I assumed he was dead but he was there waiting to greet me at the back door like nothing had ever happened the plonk. He went again for a few months at a time after that.

[vivariumvivariumsvivaria]

Tell them that the cat has been missing for one night, reduce their worry and give him a chance to find his way home.

Your DH is bonkers.

[OurChristmasMiracle]

One of ours went missing for 3 weeks. Woke up one morning went toilet and meow meow. She was back demanding food and attention as if she had been for a few hour stroll

I would say be honest. DCat went out and hasn’t come back yet.

Answer honestly that you don’t know if he will come back if they ask.

[VettiyaIruken]

So instead of telling them something happened that is sad but nobody's fault, he wants to tell them that he chose to give their cat away.
And he thinks this is better?

Bonkers.

They'd be devastated either way but angry and betrayed to think he 'got rid' of their cat!

[PhatPhanny]

You should absolutely tell the truth.

Pets are a eay of teaching our children lessons that are hard, plus, the cat could turn up yet, a week isn't very long.

[Notverygrownup]

Yup. Agree with all of the above.

My parents did the opposite to your dh. They told me that our cat was missing when I was small, but had given the flea ridden, worm ridden ferrel my cat away, to go and live on a farm. Sadness is temporary if you tell the truth and help each other to deal with it.

(It was by pure coincidence that I found out over 30 years later what had happened to her! I had forgotten all about her, until then but was so relieved when I finally got the truth - it had evidently been niggling at me.)

[PhatPhanny]

Hope your cat returns too, posters everywhere, its cold, so maybe he has gone in someones shed or being fed elsewhere.

[Carrotcakey]

Your DH is bonkers! Cat could very well still come back plus kids don’t need to be protected from the world in such an extreme manner, they need to experience these kind of things and learn that life is cruel sometimes.

I am presuming they have no prior experience of familial death? Mine had lost 2 grandparents by the time the eldest was 6. You can’t tell them their grandparents have gone to live on a farm!

[Iwantacookie]

Tell them the truth. One of my neighbours cats regularly goes missing for months at a time and just casually strolls back in as if nothings happened.
Fingers crossed she comes back.

[AcornAutumn]

OP “ guess if he wants to say he decided on his own to do so... But I'm not pretending I had any part in it!”

Yes, I see what you mean.

It’s such a crazy idea, why he does he want to do it? Won’t they be angry if they think the cat has been rehomed for no reason?

[Naughtylittleflea]

When I was around 8 our cat died. I wondered that I hadn’t seen her for a while but only after around 2 weeks did I ask where was and after many excuses my mam said she had found her dead 2weeks before. She was trying to save my feelings but I felt awful for years as I hadn’t known straight away she was dead. Definitely think being honest with lots of explanations is the best way. The paper dolls is a good book for talking about things that have passed but still exist in our memory.

[Pikachubaby]

Your husband would be right if kids were 3 and 5

But they’re not

[YoniAndGuy]

My husband doesn't want to tell them and instead thinks we should lie and say we've rehomed him somewhere like a farm with fields etc...

Err wtf?

HOW does he think it sounds better to say 'Oh sorry kids, we rehomed the cat you love while you were away with no discussion, you'll never see him again and we decided that, isn#t that great?'

He is BONKERS.

Plus, even if the cat had died, that kind of lie at 9 and 11 is inappropriate. Silly, tone deaf parenting.

Big nope to all that. The cat is missing, you're all worried and you hope he'll come back.

They aren't toddlers.