To think we should tell the truth?

[LieOrNoLie]

Our cat has gone missing (it's been over a week now).

Even worse is the children are due here at weekend and they absolutely adore him and will be gutted. There will be lots of tears I know.

My husband doesn't want to tell them and instead thinks we should lie and say we've rehomed him somewhere like a farm with fields etc...

I think we should tell them the truth.

Firstly because they'll question why we've given their cat away and we'll be the terrible ones. And secondly, because I think they are old enough to know that sometimes these things happen and it's rubbish and sad but we shouldn't hide it from them either. They are 9&11.

And thirdly of course, he still might come back!!

YABU - lie to save them the upset of thinking he's ran away/something bad might have happened.

YANBU - tell them the truth, they are old enough to know. Which is that he is missing and we are trying to find him but that might not be possible.

[olivesnutsandcheese]

My DM told me stories about two of our pets. The second time I was 18 at least. My sister filled me in at a later date and I was so sad and really annoyed with DM.
Don't tell your DC lies. Be honest with them and tell them gently. (After school, post snack, sit on the sofa)
I really hope your Dcat comes back

[PrawnofthePatriarchy]

Glad to hear good sense has prevailed. DSD was so traumatised by her mum's lies that now she's a mum herself she has six cats and a medium sized dog in a tiny house, which she shares with DH and two DC.

I think she's fairly bonkers (and well on way to becoming a crazy cat lady) but I know where she's coming from. Her DC will never be heartbroken by lies about a pet.

[nosswith]

Thank you OP for telling us that sense has prevailed.

[Beautiful3]

Mine went missing for 7 months then we got him back again! I was so surprised. I would tell them that hes run away on an adventure and should come home one day. Mine were alot younger and cried the first day then accepted it quite quickly! Kids are more resilient then you think.

[AhFiddledeedee]

Tell the truth. It still might come back.

When I was much younger we had a dog that "ran away" we found out years later that my parents had actually given the dog away.

Even years later we were so pissed off that our parents lied to us and they had willingly given the dog away without a chance to say goodbye.

Tell the truth.

[EveryDayIsADuvetDay]

The cat was part of your family - hopefully he will return.
The children are part of your family - but only part time, so already have suffered disruption to family life and home. Likely to think you might send them "to a farm" if them being with you part time becomes inconvenient?
What will you say if he does return?
Have you not put up "Missing Cat" posters in your local area that they will see?

I hadn't heard of the "pee in a cup" solution - worth a try, hope that you don't have a communal entrance! (use your pee, not DHs).

Hope your cat comes home soon

[adropnotabit]

Have you tried looking for the cat? Go out at dawn and dusk, bbq chicken call its name, out it's bedding outside. Our cat disappeared a few years ago and we found him a few streets away and brought him home. We later found out he'd followed some people home and then another house had started to feed him. Also put up posters with his photo and your contact number on lampposts and door knock.

[wildraisins]

If you lie and then the cat comes back it's going to be very awkward!

[thosetalesofunexpected]

Hi Op I agree with you totally,

And there is still quite a strong possiblity your pussy cat can wander back into your lives again too.

I am assuming it could be a male cat as it's quite common for them to do this uneatured ones,

As your cat being micro chipped ?((hope so, even if your cat hasn't, Cats have pretty good homing instinct, on the positive side, (don't give up hope .

Best of luck hope you find your cat soon.

[SD1978]

The farm excuse was used by my parents- big much younger. Leads to many follow up questions. And they are 9&11. The cats missing, we hope he comes home safe is really all that's needed at the moment

[cbt944]

It's only been a week. I think it would help channel their upset to work on finding the cat, if they are so inclined, by putting up neighbourhood posters and using their tech skills online... I'm glad you husband has seen the light re his plan!

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

He might have moved in for a while with someone who cooks chicken for him every day. Or who buys a tastier brand of cat food. It’s hardly unknown.
If it were me, then unless I knew for certain that he’d been run over (two of ours were run over 🥲) I think I’d tell the kids that.

[Thankgoodness1]

My cat went off for over three weeks.

[ThatsMeChickenArm]

Lying to kids like this fucks them up forever.

[user127819]

I think "the cat has gone away but hopefully will come back soon" is a lot less traumatic than "we gave the cat away without talking to you and he's not coming back". Anyway, if you did give them the rehoming story they would probably assume he died, which is also worse than the truth.

[WriteronaMission]

Not RTFT but please be honest. My parents did the "gone to live on a farm" when they took our Dpup to shelter claiming he was a "farm dog." I was about 9 at the time and knew he just needed training at that age and my DPs were interested in doing the work. I hated them for lying when they finally owned up to it because I kept asking questions. I know it's not the same thing but I would have appreciated the truth more than a lie that didn't make sense.

They will be sad but will respect you more in the long run learning the truth. Your DH is bonkers.

[MeWithBear]

I can't see how this man is a good dad.
He thinks rehoming children's pets behind their backs is acceptable.

He is a lazy parent at best.
His reasoning for lying is to avoid upset.

[Fluffybutter]

Hope your cat comes home soon , it’s horrible not knowing where they are .
Have you tried putting their bed or litter tray outside if you have one ?

[LieOrNoLie]

I hope their mother does everything in her power to stop his contact with the children

A little dramatic he's a good dad, he doesn't need to have all contact stopped with his children!

We've spoken and he agrees we'll need to tell the truth. He was just worried about the upset and hadn't thought it through.

[ddl1]

When I was about their age, our cat went missing, and my mum put up adverts offering a reward, we searched locally, etc. We were all upset, but my mum was particularly devastated (our cat was friendly with us all, but had a dog-like special attachment to my mum). Days and weeks went by; we'd almost given up hope; but then my mum increased the reward, and advertised across a wider range. We were contacted - about a month after the original disappearance - by a family about 2 miles away, who said that a cat matching our description was frequently visiting them. My mum went there, and sure enough it was our cat! We were never quite sure whether she'd got lost and gone in the opposite direction looking for our house, or whether she's got in someone's car and ended up in the wrong place; but anyway she was back with us! So the moral is that there's still plenty of time for her to turn up; it might help to advertise further (I know of cats and dogs who have been found by advertising on 'Nextdoor'); and yes, definitely tell your children the truth - they may even have ideas of their own about how to search.

[PixelatedLunchbox]

Mine came back eight months later once. Much much thinner and she had worms, but she came home. We figure she got lost in the woods in back of the house. Keep your hopes up OP and tell your children the truth.

[madcatladyforever]

You should always tell children the truth, they won't ever trust you if they find out you are lying to them.

[Poppingnostopping]

My husband's mum (MIL) hated his cat and one day she said the cat had attacked her for no reason and that they'd sent it to live on a farm so it could run around. He never forgave her! It was his cat, he was a teen, it's not ok to get rid of other people's pets, or to lie if they get sick or die unless they are tiny kids or they have an exam the next day or something.

[ikeepseeingit]

My cat ran away at 8/9, this was after our previous cat had died of old age. I was upset about my cat dying and sad that our new-ish kitten had gotten lost, but I would have been 10x more upset had they said they sold the cat on or sent it to live on a farm. My parents were open and honest and gave me hugs, that was enough for me at the time. Keep the lines of communication open and maybe ask them to help you put up posters asking people to check in garages, I did this with my mum and it helped to know I had done all I could.

Please leave a (preferably used/ unclean) litter tray outside, they can smell it from a long while away and it can bring them back.

Hope you find your kitty soon ❤

[cheeseismydownfall]

Bonkers idea to lie, especially at that age.

There are circumstances when I might lie to soften the truth - for example, if your cat had died in a horrible car accident, in your circumstances I might choose to say that he had died peacefully in his sleep. Maybe. But not a full blown lie as to the whereabouts of the cat!