To think DC has autism

[Pengu1ns99]

2 y/o ds, non verbal. Didn't show much interest in toys until a few months ago.

He has his 2 year health visitor check up soon.

Shows other various signs of autism in toddlers.

Flaps his hands/arms constantly, doesn't make too much eye contact but will make eye contact.
Quite fussy with foods especially if its a different texture from the usual.
Will not embrace the idea of using any cutlery either!

DH insists he is not autistic and doesn't want him to get "labeled" and face the difficulties that label holds.

I can sort of see what he means, but at the same time I want my little one to be able to get all the help and support he needs.

AIBU don't press for autism diagnosis

YANBU to at least mention it at the 2 year check up

your dh is being a dick. it is not a label, it is a diagnosis and he is incredibly unlikely to get it if he is not autistic. You need the legal protection of a diagnosis. Schools are supposed to take into account needs but they are a lot more accomodating if there is a diagnosis.

Your DH is being a bit odd suggesting the 'label' will present difficulties, when if he is autistic, that will be difficult enough and a diagnosis will help.

I agree that at 2 a diagnosis will be unlikely, as they tend to wait until children are older. I have known a 2 year old get a diagnosis but it involved a request from nursery and a lot of documentation of behaviour. The child in question was severely autistic; I can't remember much but he would head bang a lot and scream.

The speech will probably be investigated anyway; it's a milestone they are checking for. It could be due to hearing as pps have said. I don't think it would hurt to talk to the health worker about your concerns though?

I have a child with ASD. I know a lot of parents of children and teens with ASD and a couple of adults with ASD who were diagnosed as adults. Several of them have said they wished they/their child had been assessed sooner. None has ever said they regret themselves/their child having a diagnosis. I think that’s telling. Certainly for my child it was probably the best decision we have made as his parents - it’s not a “label” but it has meant the world is much more accommodating of him and less likely to “label” him as naughty, weird, fussy, difficult etc. It opened doors to parenting support for us and various therapies for him. It allowed us to join groups of other parents of children with ASD. A diagnosis is necessary (though not sufficient in itself) for access to particular schools/units here, although actually at the moment he is flying in mainstream. And it means we and his teachers understand him better. Most importantly he is starting to understand himself better. He would still have all the challenges of being autistic without the “label”, just unsupported and unexplained. With the diagnosis he is absolutely flourishing.

That said, your child is very young, I wouldn’t jump to conclusions yet. But I think there’s nothing to be lost, and there’s much to be gained, from an honest and direct conversation with your health visitor. Not necessarily asking for an autism diagnosis in the first instance but setting out you are concerned about x,y and z. If he does need to be assessed it generally takes a long time, nothing will happen without your agreement and you can always back out later if you don’t think you need to pursue it. But it’s a long process with a lot of waiting, I’d want to at least be in the system.

That is an tragic story @hiredandsqueak and a prime example of how parental prejudice can destroy lives.

AT the very least he should get speach therapy. Other therapies will be much more effective early on too. Some children who are diagnosed and get treatment no longer meet the diagnostic criteria when they're older.

I would also agree with PP that all my friends in primary education say it causes real issues when a child with additional needs turns up without warning. If they knew (even if the formal diagnosis hasn't happened yet) they could have put additional support in place.

The condition causes the problems, not the label! Your child, if they have autism are autistic, whether diagnosed or not!! Yes, you should mention to the Hv, who can refer to speech therapy or paediatrics. Your husband is being ridiculous, he thinks you mentioning it to the HV, your child will be automatically diagnosed. That is not the case, the process is a long one, many professionals could be involved. They will be 100 percent certain before you get the label. The label opens doors for help, through school it could help you get an ehcp, your child can be supported and understood. Not just expected to progress and cope as if he is neurotypical. The earlier you seek help the better.

My older dd was referred for ASD assessment at 2, she didn't get diagnosed til she was 4 but that was because of the waiting list rather than having to wait til she was older. It absolutely is not true that children can't be assessed until they are school age. You can ask gp for referral - that's what I did.

www.facebook.com/165372630705828/posts/169466116963146/

My DD has ASD and they definitely can diagnose before school as mine was diagnosed aged 3 years 11 months.
It was actually her nursery who put everything in place for us. We thought she was quirky but they called a meeting when she had just turned 3 to discuss the fact they felt she had autism. They put an EP in place who did an EHCP with us and referred us the to paediatrician who gave us the diagnosis so what your nursery are saying is just untrue.
PP are correct in saying that the process can take a long time so I would certainly push to be seen now as it may take awhile to actually be seen.
Having a diagnosis is only a positive thing in my opinion as it has promoted understanding around some of her behaviours. She is 6 and is doing really well in mainstream.
Good luck!

A friend of mine has a DS ("Max") who is now 11. She has suspected since Max was a toddler that he has autism. Frankly, everyone else also suspects that Max has autism. But she has held off from having him assessed because she doesn't want him to be labelled.

Now his secondary school are pushing her to get Max assessed, and we are all praying that he finally gets the help he needs.

But my point is that Max is ALREADY being labelled... as autistic and undiagnosed (among adults), or as weird, easily upset, unfriendly (among kids). Literally nobody sees Max come in through the door and thinks, "Ah, here comes Perfectly Normal Max!"

Please don't listen to all these posters and your nursery saying you can't get a diagnosis yet. My son was diagnosed at 2.5 years (it went very quickly from referral to diagnosis). He is doing brilliantly now at mainstream school with lots of friends and is a joy. It helped massively that so much was put in place for him so young and everyone understood (we also had a full on education on what it means to bring up someone like DS whihc has helped both him and us). Push for referrals and help, don't worry about labels, labels don't holdyou back, what holds you back is not having the right support and understanding in place. Good luck.

@ambereeree Sil was so determined that her ds would be perfect that she couldn't conceive that there could possibly be anything wrong. We have two with autism (so obviously a genetic link) which cemented in her mind that she had the perfect child (she referred to ours as defective)
Any concerns raised (and there were many) were dismissed as he's shy (selective mutism). he's an only child (didn't play), he's very intelligent (playing was beneath him), he prefers adults ( didn't relate to children), he has hayfever ( didn't join in with children playing outside)
It is incredibly sad, he has significant MH needs now and whilst Sil believed that not getting a "label" was best like pp at every social occasion everyone was always questioning what was wrong with dn because it was very obvious (probably more obvious than our dc) that dn had SN

It’s not a label, it’s the only way you’ll get support.

My son has severe autism, it’s very obvious to anyone he has a learning disability. If your child does have autism and it’s at the more severe end if the spectrum Will your husband hide him away so no one notices?

To add my son was diagnosed at 3, assessments started when he was 2 years old. The earlier the better. It was quite clear when he was just over a year that something was going on.

My son has autism (severe end) I hadnt noticed anything and we went for the 2.5 year check and as he wasnt talking he was referred for speech therapy. I still wasnt concerned just thought he was late talking. When we had the appt with the speech therapist she flagged autism as a concern straight away and we were then referred to children development services. He was diagnosed aged 3.5years. It was a massive shock to me as I didn't really know anything about autism and I was in denial for a bit. The early diagnosis meant that he got an EHCP and we were able to choose a school that would best support his needs so it was definitely useful

My son was flagged up for asd early on, and I’m so glad in hindsight as it meant he had an ehcp from the start of school. Without this he would have severely struggled and wouldn’t be fulfilling his potential. As a teacher, I have seen many children not diagnosed until much later and this has been to their detriment. Your son is very young, but I would keep an eye on his speech, gestures etc. And push for help now, don’t wait. All could well be fine, but getting interventions won’t do any harm.

🙄 at all these posters saying diagnosis at 2 is not likely - I work in the sector and also have an autistic sibling who was diagnosed at 19 mths. Diagnosis is perfectly possible and the sooner you get it the better. Ideally you want diagnosis in place, in nursery and EHCP ball rolling before applying for primary school places.

my ds2 was diagnosed at 2yrs old. Some people do try and fob you off of course though, but i think its important to get support in place before they start school