To think DC has autism

[Pengu1ns99]

2 y/o ds, non verbal. Didn't show much interest in toys until a few months ago.

He has his 2 year health visitor check up soon.

Shows other various signs of autism in toddlers.

Flaps his hands/arms constantly, doesn't make too much eye contact but will make eye contact.
Quite fussy with foods especially if its a different texture from the usual.
Will not embrace the idea of using any cutlery either!

DH insists he is not autistic and doesn't want him to get "labeled" and face the difficulties that label holds.

I can sort of see what he means, but at the same time I want my little one to be able to get all the help and support he needs.

AIBU don't press for autism diagnosis

YANBU to at least mention it at the 2 year check up

You want the diagnosis ASAP. If you think it's a strong possibility then push and push for it. If you can get the diagnosis early enough and possibly education support/ EHCP prior to starting primary school then life will be a lot more easier.

There’s a fine line between pushing for a diagnosis and being parents in denial.

I would suggest raising concerns but not pushing for a specific diagnosis. So rather than saying “we think dc is autistic and want them assessed”, say “we’re concerned about these things and wonder if that’s cause for concern” which will allow for exploratory tests/assessments without a predetermined conclusion

I would strongly suggest you push towards assessment. The process is very long (normally years). If there is any doubt he won’t be diagnosed, but just put off for “watchful waiting”.

My eldest has asd. We pushed hard for a diagnosis for 2 years that finally came at 3.5. Although he gets no additional help at all, he does get more pastoral support and less judgement. It is far better to be the boy (correctly) diagnosed with asd than the naughty boy.

(Ps. This isn’t to worry you- lots of children with asd don’t present with behavioural issues but many, including mine, do)

As most have said a diagnosis will help you access extra support, also he can't get a diagnosis without prompting you have to let them know the problems you see, HV and GPs see children for such brief times they may not notice.

As for a your DH worrying about him being labelled if you think about it is ridiculous as no one but those you need to tell ever need to know about his diagnosis ( if he had one) it's not as if it had to be tattooed onto his forehead

We were told similar with our DD that a label would follow her around instead what happens is people are more sensitive to her needs and help her navigate situations she might struggle with.

The earliest you can diagnose we were told was 31 months (for the assessment we did) and it was incredibly helpful to be able to get the LA to do anything, plus there are chances we will get some interventions on NHS- definitely worth looking into. We started the process right after my DDs 2nd birthday.

My dd2’s autism was picked up at her 2 year check up, I had no concerns at the time other than her lack of speech, I already had her older sister diagnosed with ASD but dd2 was totally different. I was shocked to come away from her check up with a referral, she was diagnosed pretty quickly which was brilliant, she went to a sn nursery and we secured a EHCP before she started school, an early diagnosis helped a lot especially with getting help with her speech and communication.

If he’s not talking you will get referred to speech therapy by the Hv anyway. Speech therapy will refer him for a hearing test. They send you a long questionnaire and all the traits you mention will come up on it as it’s designed to flag up any development delays

I’m really interested in this as I have two little ones who have some autistic traits. (Both my husband and I also have those traits). How can one be sure that it’s not just their personality? I was one of those kids who would definitely have been diagnosed with something if I was growing up now. But I’m (more or less) fine.

Please please please thrown this “label” stuff in the bin (I realise this is your husband’s opinion, not yours).

I agree that your son has a number of traits - enough to warrant further investigation IMO (my son was first referred to a paed aged two... didn’t get an autism diagnosis until five). Try not to panic and catastrophise. It will be OK

Refusing to get a child diagnosed because you don’t want them to wear “autistic” around their neck like a millstone, won’t make them any less autistic. They’ll just be autistic and trying to navigate through life without any understanding or support.

My daughter was getting help from around age 2 (speech & physio). I’d had concerns from about a year old about her not reaching milestones at the right time and flapping, terrified of strangers etc . I spoke to the health visitor and she got the ball rolling with different assessments - paediatrician, physiotherapy, speech etc. There was never any mention of autism then but I always suspected it and I’m sure they did too. We finally got the autism diagnosis just after she turned 5. Because she started getting help so young she has made huge progress and although she’ll never be top of the class, she’s keeping up just fine so far in mainstream school and not getting any additional help in the classroom. I’d mention any concerns to the health visitor and there’s never any harm in getting an assessment. If you’re wrong, then great. If you’re right and he does have autism it really makes a difference to get help as young as possible.

@HarryHarryHarry

I’m really interested in this as I have two little ones who have some autistic traits. (Both my husband and I also have those traits). How can one be sure that it’s not just their personality? I was one of those kids who would definitely have been diagnosed with something if I was growing up now. But I’m (more or less) fine.

I would look at it another way autism is just another way of perceiving the world. So actually it is very much party of who the person is you can't separate the two.

However humans are social creatures and the way we interact with each other and the world in general is set up for this which means without support people who struggle with social interactions may not be able to function and for some this goes on to cause MH problems. You say you are more or less fine but that could be down to pure luck.

I believe we are only just starting to understand the burden that dealing with autism puts on some people's MH for example approximately 80% of anorexic girls are thought to be autistic.

Definitely tell the HV at the check. They see hundreds of children. And they can pick out what's what in the wide range of expected behaviours.

The HV has seen hundreds more children than your DH.

Plus if your child doed have autism then surely the child's need for extra support is more important than an adults theory on 'labels'.

A diagnosis of low blood pressure isn't a 'label' it's an actual thing to be aware of. Just like autism.

@Nahmfor

My niece is almost 2, exactly same traits as your DC. Along with other traits such as will not engage in any play, loves placing things in order, cannot handle social settings and has a high pitched scream if she is overwhelmed.

Her nursery said that she can't be assessed until she starts school, no idea how any of it works tbh but I think YANBU to want to look into it further and make the best choices for your dc if an autism diagnosis is likely

This isn’t true. The process can be started now.

I would explain his characteristics without mentioning Autism and see what the HV says. They may refer him to your Child Development Centre, Speech and Language and Portage if you have it in your area. It sounds like he’s only just 2 so, while he has some ‘quirks’ he’s very young for a diagnosis unless it’s very, very obvious, which in your DS’s case it isn’t really yet. It’s always worth getting the ball rolling though and seeing what happens.

My youngest was referred to a paediatrician at 18 months after I raised concerns with my GP, saw paediatrician at 22 months who agreed assessment was necessary, diagnosis was given at just under 3 years old.

It takes time so would recommend you raise concerns now. The diagnosis helped get an EHCP and place at special school. To others at 18months - 2 1/2 child could pass for ‘normal’ with a speech delay but as he gets older the gap widens and it’s more obvious.

I would advise that you get the process started as soon as possible.

@Sickoffamilydrama I know what you mean. Perhaps I should have said I’m more or less fine NOW that I am an adult and have accepted my differences and found a partner who does the same. It wasn’t the case when I was a child, or a teenager, or in my 20s. So I agree that having a diagnosis and the additional tolerance and understanding that it could have provided would have made a big difference to me personally.

It just seems to me that there are so many people now being diagnosed with autism (I’m talking about those who can function more or less “normally” rather than those with severe disabilities) that perhaps we should start to accept their traits as another kind of normal rather than marking them out as different. But I appreciate that that would make it harder to get them the support they need.

Anyway sorry for the derail.

Not getting a diagnosis won't take away his autism and it won't get better by just ignoring it. Getting a diagnosis is just the first step to finding the right help, it doesn't change your son

My DD received her autism diagnosis at 2y 3mths, so depending on where you live, they can look into any concerns that you have much earlier than before they start school.

I would suggest you start off with speech therapy, to support your DS with communication development, and go from there.

I have a ds in year 7, aged 11, diagnosed at 9.

I would just like to echo what others have touched on. Its not a label. Its being able to access appropriate support when required.
Without adequate pastoral care, there's no way my son would have managed the transition to secondary school. Without a diagnosis, he would have not got access to the pastoral care.

Your child may have asd or may not, but the younger he is diagnosed, the earlier interventions can be put in place to enable him to cope.

My son is autistic and we went through denial about it. But he was no less autistic just because we took ages to face up to it. He may or may not be autistic, but if he is, burying heads in the sand does no favours x

@HallieKnight

Not getting a diagnosis won't take away his autism and it won't get better by just ignoring it. Getting a diagnosis is just the first step to finding the right help, it doesn't change your son

This

It isn't a label, its a diagnosis, and without a diagnosis your child could suffer needlessly. My son has autism and is 15 now, I dread to think where he would be without the diagnosis and access to help he gets. I also specialise in autism in my career so I know how daunting it can be for parents ❤

Not a comment on whether autism or not but autism is not a "label" you either have it out you don't, not getting a diagnosis or "label" does not make any of the issue or the condition go away.

My dd was diagnosed at 2.5. We were told there's a possibility with early diagnosis that actually it's a rarer syndrome or sometimes mental health conditions present similar is young kids but actually they were right. She went into an early intervention aba programme (USA) and whilst I can't "prove" it I think that's why today's she verbal and in university because she was completely non verbal until 3.5

Dn has been diagnosed with autism age 30. Nursery and school raised concerns early but SIL was desperate to avoid a "label" and so wouldn't pursue any referral. Dn had a very isolated existence with none of the support that would have been available to him. He had a nervous breakdown at 28 and was subsequently diagnosed with autism and the other co morbids. Only now is he receiving support but that doesn't take away a childhood and a school career where he struggled every day knowing he was different because SIL believed it would damage his career prospects.

@hiredandsqueak that's terribly sad for your nephew.