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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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What actually is Mumsnet?

91 replies

sonicbook · 25/11/2020 14:27

This is possibly a bit flouncey and I'm sure I'll come to regret posting but what actually is Mumsnet? What is its ethos or its purpose? Why are the powers that be so keen to shut down certain conversations while letting others which may be as equally toxic or inaccurate stand?

I find their rules so strange. Why do they allow people to spread potentially dangerous misinformation and pseudo science on coronavirus threads but people can't discuss certain celebrities or figures in the public eye? Why are politicians okay for bashing but not other high profile figures?

OP posts:
DeeandraReynolds · 26/11/2020 15:05

If I see her name come up, I just quietly leave the thread. If there was an 'ignore posts by X button', that would go some way to offering protection, but HQ are completely unwilling to do that. It has been requested before and it's a flat no.

DeeandraReynolds · 26/11/2020 15:07

I won't say the name! Hope you never come across her!

Gingernaut · 26/11/2020 16:18

Was she somewhat contrary?

DeeandraReynolds · 26/11/2020 16:29

Oooh no, I don't think so...do you mean, did she have Mary in her name? No, definitely not Mary. God, is there more than one? Ugh.

BIWI · 26/11/2020 16:48

@sonicbook

People come on here seeking support and instead are offered judgement, pile ons, sometimes outright abuse. Mothers told that they are making poor decisions with their children and money in exceptionally harsh terms. Well known posters offering utterly bullshit legal advice and sounding so wonderfully confident while doing so that it would be very easy to believe them. How is that 'cricket'?

The thing is, Mumsnet isn't a pre-moderated site. So lots of posts 'slip through the net' because MNHQ don't see them. They only see them if they're reported.

That's why it can seem inconsistent.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2020 19:07

Yes totally agree with @BIWI, always report-MN encourage reports, but if nobody reports something don't expect it to be picked up.
Also there are lots of moderators and they are human and may not all agree or see things the same way.

Hide thread is a very useful function as is Hide Topic.

DeeandraReynolds · 26/11/2020 19:23

Oh yes, it's important that people report. Although, I have done so less and less as I saw that, although the worst posts get deleted, many still stand and certain posters are still here, trying to coerce and berate women who are pregnant, TTC or have had children. On a "parenting site".

MNHQ at least do delete the worst posts though, like racism etc. Which makes it better than things like Insta. But on Insta, blocking is easy and possible. So in that regard, this site is slightly less safe.

It's not ideal, but it isn't enough to make me leave, (as you see, I am still here)! But I simply think it is incredibly rich of their "About Us" page to claim to be a space for parents. I don't really think that's true.

So, if this was a space for people with something other than parenting in common...I dunno, anything, like Android phones or something, and people came on to the site, said Android phones look shit, I've never had one, never will and anyone who has them is selfish and awful, do you think the moderators would just delete the absolute worst posts while allowing the rest to stand and then allow the posters to stay on the site?

This isn't a safe space for parents. Not enough to make me leave, but enough to bear that in mind when I post.

DeeandraReynolds · 26/11/2020 19:26

Yes, I also hide threads when I see certain posters I wish to avoid popping up. But again, why should I have to do that to avoid being berated, on a so called parenting site, because I am a parent? It isn't a parenting site at all. If it was, these people wouldn't be allowed to stay on here. Again, this isn't about people who don't have children not being allowed to stay. Some of the best conversations I've had on here are with childless/childfree people. But they are not the ones who actively disagree with and dislike parents. Those people should not be on here, IF it is a parenting site. But it isn't, so why to MN call themselves that?

sonicbook · 26/11/2020 19:49

Again all very interesting. I don't think it's a particularly safe space for anyone to be honest but it's maddeningly addictive.

People are so quick to snark and so many replies on innocuous threads are so passive aggressive that I suppose my heckles go up when MN have the cheek to go on about things not being 'in the spirit'.

Yes some threads were horribly toxic. On the TTC threads a few years ago there was a poster who was so bitterly consumed by her struggles that she was often quite short and sharp (sometimes nasty) to those who had been ttc for less than a year (she had been trying much longer). Her comments burned so badly. She still posts and thankfully has gone on to have two kids. I'll never forget the sharpness of her posts though. Absolutely no support there on what really should be a hugely supportive space.

I suppose it reflects humans and all their imperfections.

OP posts:
Closingtime94 · 26/11/2020 19:50

Perfect example GrinGrin

What actually is Mumsnet?
DeeandraReynolds · 26/11/2020 20:00

The occasions which have really irked me have been when someone calls someone out for being racist or equally foul, does it in a way which is not a personal attack, but obviously doesn't make the person they are addressing sound very nice and MN deletes those posts. As if someone being called racist is worse than someone being racist! Hate it.

Again though, it is a couple of occasions in a generally fun, years long experience for me, so can't complain too much. And they do moderate more than other places, like Insta. You report something there and I would say 9.99999 times out of 10 you get nowhere. The crucial differences there are that you opt in rather than opting out of seeing content, (here you have to hide boards, there you have to follow), AND you can block people there.

The charmer I mentioned up thread might shut the fuck up, (and sweet jesus, she REALLY ought to shut the fuck up), if most of the site blocked her, which I imagine they would if they'd ever conversed with her. Those that support her view would be happy too. They could have a lovely time talking about how awful parents are....on their own little section of a PARENTING site. Ahem. Scuse caps.

Crankley · 26/11/2020 20:26

It has a second name - Wokenet for all the left wingers who are a large majority and virtue signallers. Grin

5863921l · 26/11/2020 22:33

People come on here seeking support and instead are offered judgement, pile ons, sometimes outright abuse. Mothers told that they are making poor decisions with their children and money in exceptionally harsh terms. Well known posters offering utterly bullshit legal advice and sounding so wonderfully confident while doing so that it would be very easy to believe them. How is that 'cricket'?

I agree. It's not, is it. There are lots of double standards. A lot of 'low' comments are not moderated against because apparently they're just 'robust' (another word straight out of the Chalet school!).

But that's life, isn't it. Like you pretending you're amused by people being passive aggressive when you're being...passive aggressive.
All of life is a game. What I find really irritating about MN, and completely divorced from reality, is the way people just make stuff up and spout it like it's gospel truth.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2020 22:45

What I find really irritating about MN, and completely divorced from reality, is the way people just make stuff up and spout it like it's gospel truth.

It’s just as irritating when people believe it.

sonicbook · 26/11/2020 23:12

No I can assure you I find it amusing. It's next level passive aggressive on MN - it can be nothing other than comical 😂

OP posts:
5863921l · 26/11/2020 23:15

It's the mentioning it. All a game. Isn't that really what MN is there for - so you can mention the things you couldn't in RL.

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