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AIBU?

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Original poster

What actually is Mumsnet?

91 replies

sonicbook · 25/11/2020 14:27

This is possibly a bit flouncey and I'm sure I'll come to regret posting but what actually is Mumsnet? What is its ethos or its purpose? Why are the powers that be so keen to shut down certain conversations while letting others which may be as equally toxic or inaccurate stand?

I find their rules so strange. Why do they allow people to spread potentially dangerous misinformation and pseudo science on coronavirus threads but people can't discuss certain celebrities or figures in the public eye? Why are politicians okay for bashing but not other high profile figures?

OP posts:
Original poster
sonicbook · 25/11/2020 16:48

Really helpful answers - thank you all.

Yes I think it has a more homely and personal feel than the likes of insta or fb and I suppose that's the price you pay. There will be a slight lack of consistency about what stands and what is deleted.

The trolls are more frustrating than anything. MM topics could actually be part of a really interesting convo about female representation and the royal family and lots more but it always descends into madness. I wish they would just delete the posts though rather than the whole thread.

OP posts:
grassisjeweled · 25/11/2020 16:51

Someone on here once said 'we are the product' about Mumsnet because our eyes are what the advertisers pay for, and I think it's worth remembering that.

^^

True.

WE are the product. That's the premise of social media - making yourself the product and the consumer.

Very difficult (and lucrative) to achieve. Kudos to MN for tapping into the British mindset and being so successful.

Who'd have though anonymous advice would have been so interesting?

Sparklingbrook · 25/11/2020 16:53

But you can choose not to be the product and not post on MN. Nobody is forcing anyone to be here...

Welcometonowhere · 25/11/2020 16:53

Is this a “I want to discuss Megan Markle” thread Hmm

BoreOfWhabylon · 25/11/2020 16:55

I wish they would just delete the posts though rather than the whole thread.

They do try that, but the trolls just redouble their efforts. They boast about doing so on other sites.

goldielockdown2 · 25/11/2020 16:57

Why are you so bothered that you don't have as much freedom as you think you should have to slag off actual people? That's the question you should ask yourself.

grassisjeweled · 25/11/2020 16:58

Nope. Nobody forced people to read the News of the World when it was around either - you pick your source of info

Lipz · 25/11/2020 17:02

Ooh what was the disastrous holiday? What happened?

What I love is you can say what you like, well..... within reason. That I'm accepted even though I'm not from the UK, there's not really an Irish site like this, the only one I know off has about 2 posters and is rubbish. And last but not least, I love the deletion messages 😂😂

ThePlantsitter · 25/11/2020 17:38

@Sparklingbrook

But you can choose not to be the product and not post on MN. Nobody is forcing anyone to be here...
Yes of course. You just need to know you are the product before you can choose not to be. I'm not saying MN is at fault for not highlighting that particularly. It grew up from something that nobody really understood.
Original poster
sonicbook · 25/11/2020 18:55

@goldielockdown2 I don't want to slag her off but I think it's as valid to want to discuss her as it is to discuss any of the countless people we have threads about.

OP posts:
Sparklingbrook · 25/11/2020 18:58

[quote sonicbook]@goldielockdown2 I don't want to slag her off but I think it's as valid to want to discuss her as it is to discuss any of the countless people we have threads about.

[/quote]
It's like the other MM threads (missing child-Portugal ) people cannot help themselves and start posting all sorts of awful stuff and it just gets the thread either deleted or so many deletions it's impossible to read. It's the same every single time.

Welcometonowhere · 25/11/2020 19:09

Oh pull the other one sonic Hmm

AcornAutumn · 25/11/2020 19:11

[quote sonicbook]@goldielockdown2 I don't want to slag her off but I think it's as valid to want to discuss her as it is to discuss any of the countless people we have threads about.

[/quote]
I’d guess there are other sites available that allow this.

Tbh OP your post reminds me a bit of something we discussed at one workplace. Every so often we’d get a lengthy customer letter which would effectively say “why aren’t you Selfridges” when we were a different store. (Just using stores as an example).

It wasn’t feedback either, it was often a letter addressed to the chief exec. I’m afraid your question makes me think of that!

HeddaGarbled · 25/11/2020 19:44

I find their rules so strange. Why do they allow people to spread potentially dangerous misinformation and pseudo science on coronavirus threads but people can't discuss certain celebrities or figures in the public eye? Why are politicians okay for bashing but not other high profile figures?

I’m OK with this. People post something batshit and then other posters come on to debunk it. I think that’s important and educative, even though we do have to put up with the batshittery in order to have the discussion.

But some posters are vicious about certain, usually female, celebrities, and I think it’s absolutely right that is closed down.

Original poster
sonicbook · 25/11/2020 20:18

@AcornAutumn you're probably absolutely right. I just don't think they actually do treat us like adults here and the excuse is always a bit vague 'not in the spirit' type thing. Laughable really as a significant proportion of posters exist only to make snipey passive aggressive HTH type comments on threads where people are looking for support.

I don't think the Selfridges of the chat forum world exists. This is maybe as close as we get!

OP posts:
BIWI · 26/11/2020 09:46

Other sites are available @sonicbook, where you can be as 'adult' as you like. But I think you'll find that bitchy and/or racist comments about anyone - famous, infamous or plain ordinary - are definitely against the spirit. If you don't know what that spirit is, perhaps you should post elsewhere?

paganbilly · 26/11/2020 09:48

MN Talk isn't a place to go for accurate/factual up to date information on anything there's the whole internet if you want to find some proper facts.

🤣

Samcro · 26/11/2020 09:51

@Welcometonowhere

Is this a “I want to discuss Megan Markle” thread Hmm
That is what I wondered. sounds like the op is just pissed off they can't rip her to bits.
SandysMam · 26/11/2020 09:55

I think of Mumsnet as a problem page!
A modern day More magazine/dear Deirdre!
I love reading about problems similar to mine and the advice given which is often excellent!!

Xiaoxiong · 26/11/2020 10:04

I think it's as valid to want to discuss her as it is to discuss any of the countless people we have threads about

Unfortunately, threads about MM seldom go the same way as threads about other people. Even in the face of pleas from early posters not to make racist posts, they always, always appear eventually.

Talk guidelines are always going to seem arbitrary and unfair if the thing you want to talk about is either on the wrong side of the line, or in potential grey area. There isn't a single site on the internet that's got it right or will ever get it right, thanks to human nature. Total free-for-all free speech doesn't work either - that way lies 4Chan and QAnon.

Gingernaut · 26/11/2020 10:05

Thus is a public forum - no matter what it's called and who it was meant for originally, there are many forum members who aren't mums.

They aren't women and they may be malicious.

Certain topics are off limits- active court cases for example which may get Mumsnet HQ prosecuted for contempt of court.

Megan, Duchess of Sussex - brings out the racists - can get painfully nasty

Madelaine McCann - brings out the conspiracy theorists - heart breaking case which can result in some tone deaf and nasty comments

There are many trolls; mens rights activists, teenage emotional vampires, wind up merchants, sexual nutters and misogynists and trans rights activists - all starting or contributing to threads in a provocative and offensive manner.

Although there is a great deal of leeway, poor taste memes are out as are mean spirited, 'dragging' threads criticizing people.

Sparklingbrook · 26/11/2020 10:07

@paganbilly

MN Talk isn't a place to go for accurate/factual up to date information on anything there's the whole internet if you want to find some proper facts.

🤣

I don't get the hilarity? Can you not find factual information on the internet if you look in the right place?
Ihaveabranchupmybauble · 26/11/2020 10:12

Well yesterday it was for tearing apart a woman who had miscarried and some of the posts disgusted me.
Here's hoping today it'll be more human and not a bitchfest against one woman as Im sure most of us are better than that

Original poster
sonicbook · 26/11/2020 10:24

@BIWI could you describe the spirit? I certainly can't and have been here for years and years. To be honest your post is also a tad bitchy so having a wee giggle at the irony. Hmm

OP posts:
BIWI · 26/11/2020 10:27

Bitchy? Not intended to be - just pointing out that if you don't like it here, or if you want to join in the piling-on of somebody for your own 'adult' amusement - or if you can't understand what 'in the spirit' means, then perhaps this isn't the place for you. A fact.

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