To think my neighbour is being unreasonable...

[Blii]

Am I being unreasonable to think my neighbour is being unreasonable?

Recently moved into a house from a pokey little flat with my husband and our 3 children. The day before we moved in we had carpet fitters in to fit carpet through the whole house. This took a good few hours. After a couple of hours our new neighbour came round to complain about the noise the carpet fitters were making. I apologised and explained we’re getting the carpets fitted and hopefully they won’t be much longer. This was around 4pm in the afternoon and he complained that he gets up for work at 4am and all he wanted to do was chill out and watch tv but the banging from the carpet fitters is ‘going right through him’. I said I was very sorry but there’s not much I could do, we needed carpets fitted.
Fast forward to this weekend and he knocks on our door and asks for thumping to stop, now my children are used to living in a little tiny flat with no carpet and me constantly telling them to tread lightly because of the neighbours downstairs. Now that we don’t have anyone below us and we have a nice carpet I have not worried about the children running about and ‘thumping’ as the neighbour put it. They were play fighting on the living room floor at the time he came round to complain, he again said that he needs to get up at 4am and all he wants to do is chill out and watch tv, this was a Sunday afternoon. My children are all in bed by 8pm at the latest so any ‘thumping’ stops by then. I wouldn’t consider my children to be particularly noisy and we never had complaints when we lived in the flat.
Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? I have told my children to calm down if they get too ‘thumpy’ but im worried about the summer months when they are playing in the garden, they have never had a garden before and I don’t want to constantly tell them off for just being children and playing. The neighbour lives on his own and the family that lived here before us had older children that had left home so he is not used to a young family living next door to him. I don’t want to be on bad terms with my neighbour but I think he is a little unreasonable. What do you think?

Kids make noise though. It wasn't late at night or early in the morning. I hear my neighbours kid running up the stairs from time to time. I also hear him throwing a tantrum. I'm sure they hear my 2 year old do the same sometimes. We live in a semi detached house there is not much we can do about it. Next time tell him to complain to the council. If there is excessive noise that is the best way for both of you to work it out.

Can you hear his TV that he's so attached to? It's just you don't mention it and if you don't, the walls can't be that thin.

I never hear a thing from his side. It’s a semi detached house.
He lives alone in a 3 bedroom house and his is a council house.
I have told the children to quieten down when they get excited, they are all primary school age so it’s not always easy and I’d hate them to grow up and all they remember is mum telling them to be quiet to keep the neighbour happy. At the same time I don’t want bad relations with the neighbour.
Thank you for all replies.

Did you buy the house from someone with no children? I wonder if he just isn't used to normal family noise.

It seems unlikely that children who are used to being fairly quiet having lived in a flat will suddenly become unbearably loud.

I don’t get the council house relevance OP. Does that mean he can’t make a comment on the noise?

If you don't hear him and he's got the telly on lots then it must be you being too loud or he wouldn't hear you either surely?

He was unreasonable about the carpets becuae that's sometimes unavoidable but general noise needs to be sorted IMO

No not at all. The council house relevance is that he would be more likely to live near a family with small children if he’s in a council estate with all 3 bedroom houses.

I feel for you OP. Some people are just super sensitive to noise and think it's their right to have total silence when that's not realistic.

My old neighbours complained to me very frequently about noise, and after a while, I felt we all had to creep about in our own house. They moved out earlier this year and I feel so relaxed now. We both moved in around the same time and one of the first things she said to me was that the house was worse for noise than her previous house. But her requests were insane - telling us to be quiet when we had friends round on a Saturday night at 9pm! Texting to tell my husband to turn down his music when he was just playing one song. Texting to tell me to tell my kids to be quieter when they were just being kids. Yet we could hear their toddler and baby crying at all times of the night. And could hear them getting up at stupid o clock at the weekends (obviously not their fault with a baby and toddler). But it was like they were oblivious to the fact that we also had to put up with their noise!

I was so happy when they moved away at the end of last year, I can relax now.

I think him complaining about the carpet fitting was so unreasonable that it's made it very difficult for him to now discuss any other noise issues. Normal household renovation work is annoying but obviously something everyone will have to deal with. (He would have loved living in my house when my neighbour had an extension built with 6-8 weeks of daily noise...)

I don't have kids and still think hearing a neighbours kids playing at a reasonable hour (anywhere from about 8:30am-9pm) is fine and just part of living next door to someone. It doesn't sound like your kids are constantly screaming or creating unreasonable levels of noise to the extent that anyone can complain.

His being an arse. Plus the council house point common somebody would of asked op at some point if they rented or owned so that’s clears it up.

However the question is how does a lone man have a three bedroom house, either he had children who have now left home so should be aware of children’s noise or he never moved out of his mum and dads who had the kind of tenancy where you could inherit the right to stay living there. Either way though a 3bed house you tend to expect families.

I'd buy him some nice earplugs for Christmas. Might get the hint then that he is BU.

Youve just got one of those neighbours. OP, stop being so accommodating or he'll be over all the time. Tell him to go to the council who will do the noise checks as a PP have mentioned. Maybe they'll offer to shift him since he's under occupying.

do not let this man spoil your enjoyment of your new home.

Why is he living alone in a 3 bedroom council house?

Your neighbour sounds unreasonable. Him having to get up early is not your problem. Kids playing is a normal domestic noise that the council won't do anything about. He can ask you to keep it down, but you don't have to take any action.

And as for complaining about 1 day of carpet layers - jesus, the guy needs to get over himself. The world doesn't revolve around him and his needs!

Good luck OP - think you're going to have to develop a thick skin living next to this guy!

re carpet fitter - he is ridiculous and this actually makes the second complaint less believable.

He's a miserable pain in the arse. Complaining about the carpet fitters has shown you what he is.
Next time he comes round -tell him to sod offsuggest he takes his complaint to the council and you don't want him to knock about it again.
Let your kids enjoy their new space.

@Macncheeseballs

Why is he living alone in a 3 bedroom council house?

This was my first thought. Says it all about the kind of person he is.

Ignore him and live your life. If he wants silence he needs to live in a detached rural home.

It's important for your kids to play... and it was definitely unreasonable of him to complain about the carpet being fitted. BUT, you do live in a flat in close proximity (doesnt matter that he's not underneath, he can obviously still hear you or he wouldn't be complaining) - you both have the right to enjoy your homes so you need to reach a compromise.

I know what this is like from both sides and honestly it is not nice to be told to shut up but it's hell if you're an introvert to live next door to a large family who have no idea how much noise they make and won't accept it when you try to tell them.

He lives alone with no other distractions so his place is probably pretty quiet apart from the noise of your kids. Also he gets up at 4am so I'm not really surprised that he wants his quiet time.

It's an adjustment for you all so I guess just try to be considerate? You live in a flat, not a big detached house, so you are going to have to compromise on how much noise you can make.

@BrummyMum1

Ignore him and live your life. If he wants silence he needs to live in a detached rural home.

I would argue that quiet should be the default and if people want to make a lot of noise then THEY need to live in a detached rural home.

See the problem...? People see this in different ways so compromise is imporant.

These sorts of complaints baffle me because obviously he’s going to make some noise at some point. One of my neighbours recently had roof repairs, which were really noisy and dusty to the point that using the garden (when let’s face it there was nowhere else to go) wasn’t possible, but what was she supposed to do? Let the roof fall in for my convenience? Other neighbours at the back are building an extension - should they stop so I can ‘chill out’? Another plays music I dislike. Should I give them an approved playlist?

Maybe your kids were noisy, but if they’re all in bed by 8pm then you can guarantee quiet from then. They physically can’t stay quiet all the time. Seeing that he complained after a couple of hours of carpet fitting I wouldn’t be inclined to take his word on them being too noisy, as no reasonable person would begrudge what is perfectly normal noise that is obviously not going to happen every day.

Patriciaperch, I guess I dont really understand the system then, I would have thought a 3 bedroom council house would be better suited to a family