To think my neighbour is being unreasonable...

[Blii]

Am I being unreasonable to think my neighbour is being unreasonable?

Recently moved into a house from a pokey little flat with my husband and our 3 children. The day before we moved in we had carpet fitters in to fit carpet through the whole house. This took a good few hours. After a couple of hours our new neighbour came round to complain about the noise the carpet fitters were making. I apologised and explained we’re getting the carpets fitted and hopefully they won’t be much longer. This was around 4pm in the afternoon and he complained that he gets up for work at 4am and all he wanted to do was chill out and watch tv but the banging from the carpet fitters is ‘going right through him’. I said I was very sorry but there’s not much I could do, we needed carpets fitted.
Fast forward to this weekend and he knocks on our door and asks for thumping to stop, now my children are used to living in a little tiny flat with no carpet and me constantly telling them to tread lightly because of the neighbours downstairs. Now that we don’t have anyone below us and we have a nice carpet I have not worried about the children running about and ‘thumping’ as the neighbour put it. They were play fighting on the living room floor at the time he came round to complain, he again said that he needs to get up at 4am and all he wants to do is chill out and watch tv, this was a Sunday afternoon. My children are all in bed by 8pm at the latest so any ‘thumping’ stops by then. I wouldn’t consider my children to be particularly noisy and we never had complaints when we lived in the flat.
Am I being unreasonable? Is he being unreasonable? I have told my children to calm down if they get too ‘thumpy’ but im worried about the summer months when they are playing in the garden, they have never had a garden before and I don’t want to constantly tell them off for just being children and playing. The neighbour lives on his own and the family that lived here before us had older children that had left home so he is not used to a young family living next door to him. I don’t want to be on bad terms with my neighbour but I think he is a little unreasonable. What do you think?

The noise from neighbours is to be expected, sounds like he wants to live in a detached house.
Was your house vacant before you moved in? It took us a while to get used to neighbours again after next door was vacant for a year.

Kids playing on the floor is really nothing unusual. If they were screaming constantly then I'd understand the complaint.

Me and my neighbour are really good friends

But before she moved in. She had the whole house gutted and redone. Which took months. I remember being woken up at 7am and they hammered directly into our kids bedrooms up to 8pm. I went round to complain. Which I hate doing and the man said to me. Is it ok if I go up to 6pm and then not hammer into that wall. I said that would be fantastic if you could. He did exactly that and I was so grateful I went round with some bottles of wine.

I have children. So I do know how noisy they can be. Though our neighbours say they never hear them. Both sides also tell me they love hearing my kids making noise and laughing in the garden (we’ve never had such nice neighbours!). But I do often tell them to keep it down. Kids are noisy. Also it’s super tough having to go to bed at 8pm when having to get up at 4.

What I’m saying is. Both sides can work this out without resorting to bad tactics. So he could be a bit more lenient. Maybe you could keep the kids a bit quieter. Hugs.

Surprised at some of these responses. No one has heard it, so how exactly can anyone say it’s normal family noise.

Op what kind of house, is it semi detached or terraced, how old? It seems it’s got thin walls and your neighbour can hear everything, as he lives alone you don’t hear him, as he’s quiet.

But because you can’t hear him, this doesn’t mean he can’t constantly hear you.

I wonder if your neighbour is the same dickhead I used to live next to.

Within a couple of days of moving in (semi detached) he came round to complain about the banging noise. The banging noise he was complaining about was my 8 month old kicking her heels on the carpeted floor

Was totally fine for him to have violent rows with his wife at 1am though.

Twat.

He's being ridiculous.

Who in their right mind would complain to their neighbours on moving in day? For that alone, he is very unreasonable.

I think often people don’t realise how noisy their children are. But the fact the he complained about the noise of carpet fitting, implies that he’s an unreasonable arse.

The fact he complained on moving days says to me he's a twat.

If you'd been there a week and he complained about the noise of the kids, I'd have said ok, fair enough, maybe they're noisy. But complaining on moving day, about essential works is twatish.

@Bluntness100

Surprised at some of these responses. No one has heard it, so how exactly can anyone say it’s normal family noise.

Op what kind of house, is it semi detached or terraced, how old? It seems it’s got thin walls and your neighbour can hear everything, as he lives alone you don’t hear him, as he’s quiet.

But because you can’t hear him, this doesn’t mean he can’t constantly hear you.

I think we are all just assuming because he complained about carpet fitters at 4pm on the day they moved in which was unreasonable that he was unreasonable the time he complained about the kids noise. We might all be wrong and being unfair to him but if OP is being unreasonable noisy and genuinely believes she isn't nothing anyone says here will help him anyway.

Je is being absolutely ridiculous about the carpet fitters. Thats something that needs done and as you say it only lasted a few hours. I would have sent him away with a flea in his ear for that. The kids noise probably is annoying but as long as its not all the time I don't see a problem.

He is clearly a miserable arse. Complaining about carpet fitters during the day, like he expected everyone to pack up and abandon the job because he dont like the thumping. I think from then on he decided to be a moaner, your kid could tip toe all day and as soon as they sneezed he'd be round like a shot. Ignore him.

It's not your issue that he has to get up at 4am. I used to work nights, it was not my neighbours issue that I had to sleep during the day.

In any case, if he's aiming for 8 hours then his bedtime is going to be, what 8pm? So what relevance his getting up time has to your children playing at 4pm has, I don't know.

well, obviously, no one on this thread heard the noise for themselves, but it's possible to form an opinion of someone's reasonableness or not based on the other facts. This bloke wanted op to stop carrying out essential work (that ultimately benefitted him - I'd have said 'oh shall we leave the floorboards bare then, would that be better for you?') during normal office hours because he wanted to chill out and watch tv, and it sounds like 'I have to get up at 4am' is his trump card for getting his own way about things.

Kids are cooped up atm, extra curricular sports clubs aren't on, soft play is closed, outside is wet and dark and cold, obviously they're going to have more energy to use up playing a bit rough, it's not ideal for anyone, but 4pm on a week day, and a Sunday afternoon are not outrageous times of day to be making a bit of noise. Imagine the responses to an op moaning about wanting silence from her neighbours so she could 'chill out and watch tv' on a Sunday afternoon, she'd have her arse handed to her. MN is weird.

While I sympathise with him having to get up at daft o'clock for work, he isn't actually trying to sleep when your children are playing - he just wants to "chill".

If they are making excessive noise and getting over-excited, and this was going on for long periods or very frequently, I'd probably try to find a game they could play more quietly - however they are in a new home, have more room and are (understandably) excited with the new space. They're kids, and all kids make a degree of noise.

I think he's just used to no noise from neighbours (maybe he bullied them into silence - who knows). He certainly doesn't have any rights at that time of day to demand peace and quiet. Suggest he gets some headphones for his telly if it's a real problem.

I'm always happy to try to accommodate neighbours, and I've been lucky in that I've only once ever had "arsey" ones, but I've seen threads on here where posters have bent over backwards to try to accommodate people, and it just ends up with them demanding more and more, and becoming increasingly unreasonable.

It's a narrow line to tread.

Majority are saying he’s in the wrong for complaining about the carpet fitting noise, but it seems almost law on MN that you inform neighbours in advance of noisy jobs, which OP didn’t do. Perhaps he wouldn’t have complained if he had have known? A bad day compounded by this horrendous noise topped him over the edge when he wanted some peace. Perhaps he is a miserable arse, but I don’t think these 2 incidents are indicative of his attitude.

We had kids next door to us who tried to say they were normal noises. They were thumping on the walls and floor so much it made our unfitted wardrobe doors vibrate (also would throw gravel at our windows too). They were pricks who thought because they we had children everyone else should just suck up the doom their feral little cunts were inflicting on the neighbours. Popped champagne on the doorstep as they were leaving when they moved out.

I'd say if more than very occasional noise can be heard next door, you're being too noisy.

I lived in a terrace for 9 years and there were three families with young children next door during that time. We very rarely heard anything of any of them.

Sounds like someone wanted to stamp their authority over you from day one.

Honestly some of these replies!!!
OP- of course be respectful and ask your kids not to be overly loud but actually what you should do, is live your life without worrying about what your neighbour might say. If you live next to someone you have to accept there will be noise. He gets up early for work... What does he expect from everyone?
In the summer let the kids be kids
I bloody hate miserable sods like your neighbour.

Eight hours peace and quiet seems reasonable. However, this seems to be someone who wants every hour he is at home.

Some of these responses. I am chidless and live in a mid-terraced house surrounding by kids. I regularly hear running up and down the stairs, and in summer a football being repeatedly kicked at a wall. It's just normal kid noises, I can't dictate their life and they are not being unreasonable for playing and living in their own home. Sometimes I just stick headphones on if I need to.

@JoeCalFuckingZaghe

Majority are saying he’s in the wrong for complaining about the carpet fitting noise, but it seems almost law on MN that you inform neighbours in advance of noisy jobs, which OP didn’t do. Perhaps he wouldn’t have complained if he had have known? A bad day compounded by this horrendous noise topped him over the edge when he wanted some peace. Perhaps he is a miserable arse, but I don’t think these 2 incidents are indicative of his attitude.

We had kids next door to us who tried to say they were normal noises. They were thumping on the walls and floor so much it made our unfitted wardrobe doors vibrate (also would throw gravel at our windows too). They were pricks who thought because they we had children everyone else should just suck up the doom their feral little cunts were inflicting on the neighbours. Popped champagne on the doorstep as they were leaving when they moved out.

Carpet fitting is not a noisy job

He should be grateful he hasn't got my neighbour who is fond of DIY in the evenings. I don't think you can really complain about normal household noises during the day, even though it would be annoying if you were on shift work.

Like others, I'd say your children are more noisy then you think, and I'd be with your neighbour on this.

However the complaint about the carpet fitters was not reasonable- perhaps that and then the noisy kids is too much for a nervous disposition.

Glad I don't live near you!

@BecomeStronger

I'd say if more than very occasional noise can be heard next door, you're being too noisy.

I lived in a terrace for 9 years and there were three families with young children next door during that time. We very rarely heard anything of any of them.

Your terrace must have reasonable insulation.

Not all buildings whether they are flats, terraces or semis have good levels of insulation.

OP tell your neighbour next time he knocks to take his complaints to the council's environmental health team and leave you alone.

It might be worth saying something along the lines of "Can you just tell me what your normal sleeping hours are, and I'll try and make sure we avoid those times for any DIY or other noisy activities. I've already made a note to set the washing machine to start after 4am." If he normally sleeps 8pm-4am, you should be okay; if he does it differently and sleeps when he gets in from work, you might try and work around it a little.

Obviously he needs to put up with a little normal family noise during waking hours, but there's sense in doing what you can to minimise noise at his normal sleeping times.