After a court order that I would look after my 3 children 2/3 of the time in 2016, my ex-husband has recently requested that he has the children 50/50. The children do seem to enjoy their time with their father overall and were keen for the 50/50 split so I agreed to trialling this a couple of months ago, however he has now put in a rival claim for child benefit for all 3 children without talking to me first. I would be open to him having CB for one child IF the children settle in the current sharing pattern. At the moment they are very emotional and exhausted from lots of late nights and not enough space at their fathers , and I have asked him if he can try to get them to bed earlier but he has not responded and continues to allow late nights. My children have anxiety and emotional difficulties and I have been recommended by our GP that a decent bedtime and good amount of sleep is very important, however I feel frustrated that my ex just won't hear this.
So now I am doubtful as to whether he should get CB for any of the children if he is not caring for their wellbeing in this way - it makes transitions extremely difficult for them when I am doing one thing and he is doing another. Am I being unreasonable?
The other issue is that he lives in a studio with no bedrooms but he has created 2 bedroom spaces in the loft, using a step ladder to reach them. The children don't have a lot of space or privacy (my son - 8yrs- shares a room with his father), and they are all sleeping on mattresses. He has no proper heating, and I worry about the childrens wellbeing longterm. I do not know what the best course of action is as he doesn't want to acknowledge my concerns, He is not an easy person to deal with and has been emotionally abusive in the past, and didn't pay any maintenance for 5 years while I had the children the majority of the time.
I want to do the right thing for the children but don't know exactly what that is and I really do not want another legal battle - last time he tried to get full custody of the children. The childrens GP, Dentist and other appointments are all registered to my address and I am responsible for their appointments, communicating with the Home Education team, setting up their learning schedules and buying the majority of their clothing and education resources. My ex says he'd like to share these responsibilities 50/50 but in my experience it is I who has to guide him and remind him through any of these processes - and I find it is a lot easier to just do it myself. Nearly everytime I tell him the kids need an item of clothing he says he doesn't have money and I have to get it myself.
Also there is the case that he is currently on furlough but when he goes back to work as a carer he has said he is likely to leave the children with childminders, which is fine every now and then, but seems unnecessary as a regular occurrence when I can work around my children (I'm self employed) and they do not need any unnecessary upheaval to daily life - my son in particular is very anxious about being left with other people.
What would you do? Would it be unreasonable to hang onto CB for all 3 children until I know they're definitely going to settle in 50/50 split?