To be considering TTC during Covid

[maej79]

So my fiancé and I have decided to TTC.
This would be our first baby, and we don't have any concerns in terms of age, fertility etc but want to give this a shot now. (We have been for a few months already)

Personally I believe that there is no 'right' time to try to conceive / have a baby.. it will happen when it's right for you. But recently with the pandemic, it's been a little concerning. Being our first baby ideally I'd want my fiancé there with me, for scans etc and the birth of course.

I suppose I'm asking this just out of interest as I read a post earlier this evening online, from a lady that has just found out she's pregnant ask is hopeful that by the time she is due to give birth, the hospitals and restrictions will be lifted.. 🤞🏼

What do you think..?

• and is hopeful

I expect things will get back to normal-ish mid to late next year (though I’m obviously guessing as much as the next person). I wouldn’t, age/fertility issues aside, have been TTC in the earlier part of this year though - though a midwife friend tells me that it’s chocka for Feb/March, so what do I know .

Try not to worry. Your partner would be allowed in for the birth anyway. They are now.
My hospital (and many others) have been allowing partners for scans since April. I went for my 12 week on my own (after a mc so I was extremely nervous) and it was fine. Amazing what you can do on your own if you have to (but you won't!).

It'll be fine!

Why not wait until you’re married? Covid is a great excuse not to have a hugely expensive OTT wedding with all the great aunts in tow.

Get married first.

Get married first. It’s for you and your child’s security.

Then go for it

I’m 6 months pregnant now - so basically conceived in May mid lockdown 1!

Very much planned and we actually brought our plans forward cus we figured why not everything else is cancelled 😂

I have to say for me it’s been a great time to be pregnant - I don’t have to commute as working from home, when I was feeling crap I could rest/take a sneaky power nap! Plus I’m literally missing nothing at all - no nights out, not events etc so it’s been lovely and relaxing

My husband was allowed into all scans - but guess depends on what area you are in!?

I’d go for it if I were you!!

We are in exactly the same position we want to start trying and are both young and been married for 3 year financially secure etc.
We have put trying off until we got married then It was until we bought our house and I started my new job and now covid!
Where does it end? There will never be a perfect time you just make the best out of your situation?
Like you I would want my husband to be at appointments and scans etc.
I guess no one can predict the future but fingers crossed in 9 months + things might be better!
Trouble is waiting another year realisticly means another 2 year until you have a baby in your arms?
Best of luck!

Might be worth checking your local hospital restrictions.
We are between 2 hospitals and I have just checked their restrictions.

1. Allows partners for active labour & scans but not to appointments.
2. Allows partners for all of labour but since new lock down no longer allowed to scans or appointments.

So assuming things are going to get better in 9+ months you should be allowed partners at the birth?

Get married first, for your security and that of the baby.

Start saving (as a couple) for maternity leave. Make sure your pensions are looking good.

Is your house big enough for your needs? Get that sorted if not.

Then get on it!

I fell pregnant two weeks before the March lockdown so my whole pregnancy has been alongside COVID. And it’s been totally fine! My husband couldn’t come to the first scan which was shit, but aside from that it has been totally fine and my care has been exemplary.

I understand why some people are choosing to wait but I don’t think there is anything unreasonable about planning your family at the moment - and with the recent vaccine news, by the time you came to have your baby things may well be a lot more normal anyway.

I am pregnant. I would get started
Soon. It took a while to conceive this baby.

I got pregnant, purposefully back in June and am due in March.

I don't regret it at all. So far my pregnancy and care has been pretty normal compared to my last and I'm pleased to have something lovely to look forward to. My family are also happy that there's something positive to focus on.

The world needs births each year. We can't just stop procreating because of a virus.

Most hospitals are allowing partners in with little impact. I had my scans alone but again this was fine for me.

@MaskingForIt

Get married first, for your security and that of the baby.

Start saving (as a couple) for maternity leave. Make sure your pensions are looking good.

Is your house big enough for your needs? Get that sorted if not.

Then get on it!

I'm due #3 in March. Not married. Share a mortgage. OP doesnt NEED to be married before having a family. It's completely up to her how she plans her life.

@Sparkles512

Might be worth checking your local hospital restrictions. We are between 2 hospitals and I have just checked their restrictions.

1. Allows partners for active labour & scans but not to appointments.
2. Allows partners for all of labour but since new lock down no longer allowed to scans or appointments.

So assuming things are going to get better in 9+ months you should be allowed partners at the birth?

Restrictions change though so checking it now is likely to be irrelevant come 9 months+ time.

If you asked me to speculate how normal things will be in 9 or 10 months time, I would say much nearer assuming the vaccine has been rolled out.

I agree with you that there is no right time to have a baby really so I'd say go for it. Restrictions change all the time and you don't yet know if it will take you a while to get pregnant or not. We have no idea where we'll be in 6-12 months time so waiting for things to go back to normal may take some time, if we even get there.

I'm almost 6 months pregnant (surprise!) with my 2nd DC and we've been managing the restrictions with the hospital/midwife appointments and just accepting it is what it is for now. They do change - my hospital allowed partners in for a short period for scans before we went into the second lockdown. You can always book private scans so your DP can accompany you.

@liveitwell I'm due #3 in March. Not married.

Ooh, how very modern of you.

Share a mortgage.

Great, but who's name is on the deeds? A mortgage is just debt, the deeds are the ownership papers. How about pensions and savings? If you have complete financial equality, then good for you, but you only need to spend 5 mins on Mumsnet to see the variety of ways women leave themselves financially vulnerable and are then screwed over when the man leaves.

OP doesnt NEED to be married before having a family. It's completely up to her how she plans her life.

But she’s engaged and wants to be married. Better she does that before reducing her earning potential. And she did come here for advice and opinions, and mine is just as valid as yours.

I would get married first too before considering children. It's just safer for you and the child. Even a registry office wedding will do. Without it, if your fiance dies, you may get nothing at all. Dunno what your other circumstances are regarding life insurance, wills etc.

I'm due in February, so conceived in May - it wasn't unplanned (we deliberately didn't use contraception) but it was a bit of a surprise because it happened the first time we'd had unprotected sex since DS, who took over two years. I have had moments of 'what were we thinking, doing this in a pandemic?' but in general it's been fine and I'm very happy to be having another. I'm not expecting everything to be normal by any means, but nor do I regret getting pregnant. I think so long as you accept the uncertainty about the future - which is always there, it's just very obvious at the moment - and that there may aspects of the antenatal care or labour that are affected (I do think that's easier for me to accept with my second than it would have been when I was pregnant with DS) then it's not a stupid thing to do.

I concieved in January (IVF) my whole pregnancy was during covid, I had virtually no care until severe problems were found at 20 weeks and I had to be given the news alone, we ended up choosing tfmr for our son, my partner was allowed to all fetal medicine apps except fetal echocardiogram, he was with me when our sons heart was stopped and he was with me for the whole of bring induced and labour. We were also able to get a private 3d bonding scan shortly before our son died. We will be hopefully having IVF again in January/February. We have no idea how long the covid pandemic is going to last, delaying TTC if it's what your certain you want doesn't make sense to me, personally my chances/time are running out so I need to crack on. TTC can take a long time or happen really quickly, if you havent tried before you won't know if you have fertility issues that may require treatment, unless you go private it can take a long time to receive fertility treatments on the NHS, better not to delay if having a child is what you both really want imo.

@liveitwell
Yes things are changing all the time.
But hopefully we are over the worst and things can only get better?

@Tigger85 I'm so sorry for your loss.

Why are people saying get married first. I was engaged, had a mortgage, had two then got married. Who cares what order you do it in!

Op, I feel you will be robbed of the experience that being pregnant for the first time if you got pregnant now. Maybe try in 4-6months? Good luck.

Why are people saying get married first. confused I was engaged, had a mortgage, had two then got married. Who cares what order you do it in!

Because you might be up shit creek if your partner fucks off or gets hit by a bus.